“That’s ridiculous. Why wouldn’t you grieve? Even if he had been healthy when he was born, you would’ve grieved.”
“In the end I was able to bury him. It took a long time to pay for it. Of course, the funeral was small. Just a local chaplain and me. I buried him. He has your name.”
“Williams?”
“Hunter Williams. That was the name of our son.”
“I don’t understand, Julie. I know you needed time to deal with everything that happened, but it took so long for you to come home.”
“Everyone grieves different. I grieved for you, and I grieved for our baby. And then that grief turned to anger.”
“Towards me?”
“Yes. And me. For not being stronger.”
She got up from the ground and brushed the grass from her dress. He got up with her but didn’t bother looking at his jeans.
“This is hard for me, Hunter,” she said. “People say to just get over it. How do you do that? How do you get over losing a child? I never had the chance to see him grow. But I had thought that he would grow up in a loving home. And maybe one day he’d come find me.”
“I should have been there for you.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered, Hunter. Our son died. If you were there he probably would have still died. And then what would have happened? Would you have still continued to get yourself clean? You were as fragile as I was back then. People don’t change overnight. I’m not the girl I was back then and you’re not the man you were. We’ve both changed. Back then, neither one of us would’ve been able to raise him. But no one got that chance.”
“You held him?”
Tears were streaming down her face again. Somehow he thought when she finally told him the truth she would be relieved. He’d be relieved. But he felt awful in ways he hadn’t thought possible. And by the look of Julie, she was no better.
“I can’t talk about this anymore, Hunter. You know what happened and that will have to be enough.”
She started walking away toward the field where they’d parked the truck.
“What are you doing? Where are you going?” he asked, looking at her with confusion as she grabbed her purse and the stuffed animal he’d won her at the fair from the ground where she’d dropped them when he’d started dancing with her.
His cell phone rang but he ignored it.
“That’s probably the same rancher who’s been calling you all afternoon,” Julie said, changing the subject.
“I don’t care.”
“Yes, you do. This is your life. I know what it’s like to build yourself up out of despair. My despair may been different than yours, but it still despair.”
Tears filled his eyes. “This may be old despair for you, Julie. But for me it’s in the present. Our son didn’t die nine years ago. He died today.”
The phone rang again.
“Just answer the damn phone, Hunter!”
“Why? So you could run away again?”
Sweet Montana Secrets: Chapter Eight
Julie couldn’t say any more. She started toward the field where they’d parked the truck. Hell, she’d walk back home if she had to instead of waiting for Hunter. There had to be someone in town that she knew who’d be able to drop her off at Caleb’s apartment.
She raced through the grass, trying to get her bearings. She’d driven to the festival before. She’d lived in Sweet for years when she was younger. And for some reason she didn’t know which way to go. The walls were closing in on her again and she had no idea what to do or how to make them stop.
She felt Hunter’s hand on her arm and she swung around not caring if he saw the tears.
“Please, just take be home. Just let me be alone.”
She wanted him to take her in his arms and make the hurt go away. She’d wanted that so many times over the years and now Hunter was right there. And she couldn’t do it. She’d gotten so used to running because it was easier.
“Okay,” he said softly “But I’m not letting this go. I’m not losing you all over again when I’ve just found you.”
They’d walked in silence to the truck. Julie had a feeling that Hunter was about as rung out with emotion as she was.
He knew. That was a step. But seeing the pain in his expression and the tears in his eyes when she’d told him their son had died brought it all back. She was eighteen again and her heart was shattered.
As soon as she got back to the apartment, she grabbed a box and started throwing her things into it. She emptied the clothes hamper and started sorting her clothes out from Caleb’s. She didn’t hear him walk into the bedroom until he spoke.
“What are you doing?” Caleb asked. The confused look on his face matched how she felt.
What was she supposed to tell him? She didn’t know what she was doing. She couldn’t go back to Margaret’s house. Margaret was gone and Edmund had told her that they were going to put the house up for sale. They had a buyer already lined up.
But Julie had all the money she had saved from working at the casino. She could find somewhere else to go. Somewhere where she didn’t feel the pain and she didn’t have to see Hunter’s heartbreak over their son.
“Julie?”
She stood up straight and ignored all the clothes she’d spread out on the bed after she’d taken them out of the hamper. She’d wash them later when she knew where she was
