“Packing.”
Caleb looked at her skeptically. “I can see that,” he said, taking off his police hat.
She’d forgotten that he had a morning shift and was going with Katie to the festival later in the day. He’d probably come home to change before going to pick up Katie.
“Why? I thought you were going to keep this apartment when I moved in with Katie.”
She shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “I thought you two hadn’t decided when that was going to be?”
“Stop changing the subject. What are you doing?”
She picked up a turtleneck and began to fold it, but then it flopped around in a way that she couldn’t get neat and tidy. Nothing was neat and tidy in her life. She finally threw it back on the bed in the big pile of dirty clothes that were a mess. She’d shove it all into a bag and deal with it later.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” she asked in frustration. “I’m packing. I’m leaving.”
He shook his head. “You’re running away.”
She threw her hands up in exasperation. “So what if I am. I’m a big girl. I can decide where I want to be.”
“Anywhere you go, you’ll still be haunted by the things that you’re running away from.”
“Have you and Dr. Matthews been talking about me?”
He frowned.
“My therapist,” she said, answering his frown. “I came back for one reason, Caleb. Little by little I was making steps until you found me at the casino. I wasn’t ready yet. I was getting there, but I wasn’t ready. And now I’m here and I’ve told Hunter everything, and it’s all blown up in my face.”
“What has? You’ve told Hunter. So now tell me. I love you, Julie. I’m not going to give up on you. Never. You hear me?”
She burst into tears, and covered her face with her hands. Caleb immediately pulled her into his arms and cradled her as they sat on the bed together.
“It’s going to be okay,” Caleb said. “Whatever it is, you’ll work it out. You’ll work through it. He’ll forgive you because he loves you.”
She pulled back and looked up at her brother through tear-filled eyes.
“How can he forgive me when I still can’t forgive myself?”
She saw the confusion in his expression. She hadn’t told him. She had told Hunter. God knows what Caleb thought she had done.
“I didn’t have an abortion, Caleb.”
She saw him exhale slowly as if he were relieved.
“What happened?”
“I was going to give the baby for adoption.”
“Was?”
She began to cry again and didn’t trust her voice so she nodded.
“The baby died during childbirth.”
She told Caleb the rest of the story in as much detail as she could handle. Every so often, he pulled her into his arms but she pushed back. She was stronger when she was standing on her own.
But then Caleb said, “Look at me! This is not your fault. Whatever happened is not your fault. You didn’t do this. You were trying to make the best of the situation you were in and it didn’t work. I’m just so sorry that you had to go through all of that by yourself. It’s time for you to forgive yourself. Do you hear me?”
She nodded, but she wasn’t sure she believed him.
“Look, Julie. I can’t tell you what to do. It’s your life. I can’t keep you chained here. But I do know one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Hunter loves you. I didn’t need to see the two of you together the other night to know that. I saw long before you came home.”
“You did?”
He nodded.
“How? You didn’t even know we were together. He didn’t even know anything about any of this until recently.”
“Any man who could look me in the eye and take a punch without turning away just so he could get any information about you is a man in love.”
“Oh my God, Caleb. You punched him?”
“Well, yeah, I did. I was a little angry. He didn’t fight me back. He just looked at me and told me that he loved you. He didn’t know about the baby.”
She sat down on the bed. “Now he does.”
“So all the cards are on the table. Why are you leaving?”
She didn’t know why. She was scared. More terrified than she’d been in a long time. Somehow she thought that she’d be relieved after Hunter knew the truth. But it only scared her more.
“I know why you’re running, Julie.”
She chuckled with no humor. “Great. You want to clue me in?”
“You still love him. And it scares you to death. It’s okay. Love can be scary. But it can be wonderful too.”
She looked at him and squinted one eye. “What the hell happened to you in Afghanistan? Somehow, I think my brother was kidnapped by an alien. Weren’t you the one who years ago said that all that love and marriage was a ploy to get guys to spend money on girls?”
He chuckled. “What can I say? I was stupid back then.”
Her mouth dropped open.
“Don’t get too used to me saying stuff like that,” Caleb added quickly. “I’m still older than you.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
He slung an arm around her shoulder. “His name was Hunter. Where did you bury him?”
No one had ever asked Julie that before. Not even Dr. Matthews. Maybe it was because she could never get through a session without crying.
“In Seattle.”
“Tell me about him.”
She looked at him with confusion. “I just told you that he…”
“I know what you told me. But tell me about them. Did he look like you or did he looked like Hunter?”
She drew in a deep breath and thought of the box she kept sealed with duct tape. “I have a picture.”
“You do? Did you show it to Hunter?”
She shook her head.
“Maybe you should.”
* * *
Julie pulled the little black dress out of the closet and put it on. She didn’t need the black dress. It was never about the dress. But she wanted Hunter to know she’d bought it for him.
Before she left the apartment, she
