“It’s a risk. But you have to take some of those in order to live, Jos. We’ve talked about this before. You can’t always be safe.”
“I do know that. But the other side of things worries me too. In Evie’s world, men and women meet, court, and get married. I can’t marry her and I don’t even know if I would want to settle down in the way that Clara and Courtney or Gisela and Abigail have done. That’s never been what I wanted.”
“And can’t what you want change?”
“It can. But I don’t know if it has.” Jos really didn’t.
“All you can do, Jos, is spend time with her. Wait until Christmas now. You know she’s still interested. See if you’ve changed, or not. If you haven’t, be honest and be kind.”
“You’re right of course,” Jos conceded. “It’s not easy though. I find her irresistable, I have to admit. And I want to care for her.” She did not add that she felt as though she could love Evelyn, that perhaps she already did. Vernon would probably infer that from her words anyway.
“And she seems to feel the same. Stop being frightened of what tomorrow holds, Jos. You can’t read the future, so just live in the day you’re in.”
“I seem to think you’ve recommended that before.”
“And yet you never listen.”
“Well, that’s what brothers are for, isn’t it?”
“What, to give sage advice and be entirely ignored?”
Jos grinned. “Perhaps. But thank you.”
Vernon smiled back. “Always welcome.”
*
The approach of Christmas turned Evelyn’s thoughts to home. Christmas was, after all, a time to be with family. It was when you visited family members you’d not seen in months, put aside differences to share a mince pie. And here she was, miles from her family and with no idea how they thought of her. She was still worried by the lack of communication from home. A small part of her was tempted to take a train back to West Coombe. To visit them, to find out how she was received. That she did not was partly from cowardice, that she would find nothing but anger and hostility to welcome her home, and she was not sure she could face it. But it was also out of the sense that she would find herself trapped there. Once she was in West Coombe, London would be just a memory, and she was frightened she could not make her way back. Now, that would not only mean losing the excitement of a new life, it would mean losing Jos. She could not risk that.
However, she did feel compelled to write to her family again. She did not want them to think she had forgotten them, and perhaps, she would prompt a letter back. Ensconsed in her room, a fire in the grate and a shawl around her shoulders against the increasing winter cold, she wrote two letters, one to her parents and one to Edward:
Dear Mother and Father,
I hope this letter finds you well. I suspect it will at least find you warmer than me—London is much colder than West Coombe in winter!
I am, of course, writing to wish you a very happy Christmas. I hope that you have a jolly time. I am sorry that I cannot be there with you—it’s an awfully long train journey and I am also not sure if you would welcome your wayward daughter. Please do write back, just a line or two, to let me know. I can arrange to visit in the New Year.
I will certainly think of you all on Christmas Day. I will be spending my day with some friends I have made. I have lots of friends now, here in London.
I am still relying on the generosity of some of those friends to allow me to stay here, but I am considering my options in terms of gainful employment. I will continue to let you know how that is progressing.
I will admit, I like London and am happy here. I am still very sorry for any heartache I have caused you. I hope that is beginning to subside. I do miss you all but I hope you will understand that I had to try to find a way to be happy and I could not find that in West Coombe. My biggest regret is causing you pain or shame. I hope earnestly that you forgive me.
I very much hope to hear from you soon.
With love at Christmas and always,
Your daughter,
Evelyn
Dearest Eddie,
I am writing to say Happy Christmas! I hope this letter makes it to your hands and you can read this for yourself. I hope you do have a happy festive season. I am very sorry not to be there myself. I would give anything to be able to see you, my darling brother.
I also want to let you know how happy I am here in London. Thank you for helping me find this life, Eddie. There is so much opportunity here, so many new friends. I have even found someone who I am developing something like love for. I never knew I could feel so strongly. Every day is a new adventure here—I am finally flying, just like we talked about, just as I promised. I only wish you were here with me to see it.
I miss you every day, Eddie, and I never forget that I am here because of you.
I will be spending Christmas with a group of very good friends. I am not sure if we will have dinner, like we would at home, but I know that I will have a good time with them. I would like to introduce you to some of them, and maybe one day I’ll be able to.
I’ve asked Mother and Father about the idea of visiting. It will, of course, be difficult, but I
