She thought too about Jos’s words about marriage. She did not expect Jos to be able to marry her. Although she did not see the exact route their relationship would take, she was happy to enjoy it, see how it unfolded. Jos seemed to be afraid that Evelyn wanted a level of commitment she did not. But, remembering Vernon’s words again, she pondered this. Perhaps it was not that Jos did not want to commit to her; perhaps it was that she was frightened of what would happen if she did.
Slowly, as she lay on the bed, her tears drying, hope began to return. More than anything, she knew she could not walk away from Jos. It was time to prove that she was not just a naive girl from the countryside, but that she could handle this situation like the grown woman she was. She would fight for Jos because what she had experienced yesterday, and through the night, was the most complete happiness she had ever known. She had not come this far to let Jos’s fears destroy that. She would talk to Jos that very day, make sure the situation was addressed before it got any worse. She would reassure her. Evelyn decided to give it a few hours. To return right now would only risk walking back into the same conversation. Let Jos regain her courage and her calm. And she’d allow herself to gather her strength and bring her emotions back under control, and she would win Jos back. Tonight, she thought, allowing herself a small smile, she would be in Jos’s arms again.
*
Despite her hopeful and determined resolution, it was still difficult to kill the time before she returned to Jos. She pottered around the house, forced herself to eat some bread and jam for her lunch, but still the time passed slowly. She decided to make herself wait until the clock had passed four o’clock. The time was arbitrary, but it seemed the right amount of time for both herself and Jos to recover and be ready to talk honestly with each other. She had to trust that Jos would be prepared to do so. She rehearsed what she wanted to say, imagining Jos’s response. The conversation always ended in reconciliation. She could not allow herself to imagine anything else.
At about half past three, Evelyn was in the sitting room, considering that it was now time to find her coat and walk slowly to Jos’s flat, hoping to find her at home, when she heard the front door of the house open. She went into the hallway just as Lilian and James entered, laden with bags and suitcases.
“Oh, hello, welcome home,” she said, trying to sound enthusiastic. “Did you have a nice time?”
“Evelyn! Delighted you’re home. It was a very pleasant visit home, thank you.” This was James, who smiled broadly upon seeing her.
“Well, it was more pleasant for James than me, but I got plenty of presents, so that’s something,” Lilian added. She flashed a brief and insincere smile. Evelyn felt the same familiar tension that had characterised recent days with Lilian. In her emotional state, it bothered her more than it usually did, but there was really nothing she could do.
“How was your Christmas, Evelyn?” James asked.
“Oh, well, just quiet, you know. I didn’t really do anything.” She did not like to lie, but she could hardly tell the truth at this stage.
“Probably best, darling,” Lilian said, without much care. She began to ascend the stairs, carrying a hatbox and small suitcase with her. “I’m off to take a bath, if no one objects.”
“Of course, we don’t,” James told her. “Although it’s remarkable how you make it seem as though you’ve just survived a terrible ordeal when all we did was visit home.”
“It’s not an ordeal for you, James, dearest, since Mater and Pater think you’re the cat’s pyjamas. However, for me, it’s rather different. I’m not in favour.”
“You know you only have yourself to blame.”
“No, I entirely blame them. Frank was their favourite, and then they decided you were their favourite when they lost him. Maybe I look too much like him. Or they don’t really like girls.”
“You’re absurd sometimes, Lilian.”
“I know.” With that, Lilian marched up the stairs.
James watched her go, frowning. “You know, Evelyn, Lilian’s been much more absurd than usual just lately. Has she mentioned anything to you about what might be wrong?” James looked at Evelyn with an expression of earnest concern.
Evelyn thought about Lilian’s deteriorating relationship with Vernon, about the illegal drugs. There were several reasons Lilian might be acting more strangely than her brother was used to, but none she could tell him about. “No, she’s not really said anything to me at all,” she said.
“Yes, I’ve noticed she’s not as friendly towards you, either, if I’m honest,” James said.
“Perhaps I’ve overstayed my welcome,” Evelyn suggested. Moments later, she decided that was not the best tactic, since it prompted reassurances of quite the opposite from James.
“No, Evelyn, please don’t think that. We’re more than happy to have you here.” His enthusiasm was rather intimidating, particularly when she felt so fragile and when she wanted nothing more than to go and speak to Jos.
“Well, thank you. I do appreciate it,” she said, turning to walk away from James.
“Actually, Evelyn, I’ve been wanting to speak to you about that,” James said, hurriedly.
Evelyn’s heart sank. “You have?” she asked, turning to face him again.
“Yes. While we were away, well, it gave me a bit of time to think. And I realised that, with the new year coming, it’s a time for making resolutions. I suppose
