“Natalie. And yeah, after a few weeks though, he doesn’t want it to seem suspicious.”
I was in shock until Natalie came into it. Then I was just pissed, so pissed I acted without thinking. Luckily these two didn’t have the brains for the job they were given and the flashlight was pointed away from the hall. It illuminated them perfectly. It was Toby and Eric, two nineteen year olds that I never cared for and seemed to be hoodlums more than anything else.
I didn’t think when I put my gun up. I was too practiced at this point. I could see Toby’s head and he was the worst one. I took my shot and even in the pale light could see the blood and brain matter fly into the air.
Eric was frozen staring at Toby’s dead body slumped to the ground.
I aimed my gun at his temple, “Eric you are going to tell me everything or you’ll be joining him. You got it?”
I saw him nod but he said nothing.
“Eric, you let the zombie in here?” I asked.
He nodded again but still didn’t speak. He was staring at Toby. I knew he had never seen a dead body before.
“Aaron made you do it?”
He still only nodded.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because you’re becoming more of a problem than you are useful,” He answered and I could tell by how his voice shook he was crying. “I’m sorry Cate.”
I laughed but it was out of anger and disgust, “You’re sorry? You’re sorry for letting a zombie loose in my apartment to kill me?”
I heard him gasp for air as he was crying so hard at this point, “It was,” He stumbled, “It was better than what Tom had to do.”
I lost it. I don’t remember walking up or lunging or whatever I did to get to him but the next thing I knew I had the gun to his temple with the trigger only a hair from making the gun go off. His eyes were shut and his body was shaking.
The venom in my voice startled me as I spoke, “What did Tom have to do?”
Eric didn’t answer me right away.
“Eric, tell me or I’ll kill you and beat the answer out of Tom himself. What did he do?”
He let out a sharp exhale, “He shot Ian in the back. Aaron told him not to take any chances and that since no one was around it wouldn’t matter anyway.”
I don’t know why I didn’t pull that trigger then. I wanted to so bad but I knew Eric wasn’t the one I wanted to kill.
It was all beginning to make sense. Why Aaron was so okay with Natalie, why he had apologized to me. He knew we were no longer going to be a threat to his reign.
No one was safe but I couldn’t worry about everyone else. I had been and it got my best friend killed. The hard work of the runs meant nothing. I was replaceable and my life meant nothing to the head of this disturbing place. I had to save Natalie and myself.
“Are you going to kill me?” Eric asked as I had never lowered my gun.
“No, you get to live with yourself after this. The shame of it and how your failures got your friend killed. You get to spend the rest of your life thinking about that.”
I saw him move his fist. He was aiming right for my face. The sucker punch only a coward would throw. I ducked and he spun around but caught his balance and lunged for me. I took my shot hitting him in the head. He dropped to the ground.
“I guess the rest of your life wasn’t very long. Lucky you.”
I sat on the couch for a long time before I was able to move. I’d never killed someone, at least not anyone who was still alive and aware of their actions. I felt cold on the inside, like I wasn’t myself at all anymore. I tried to think about the fact they were plotting to have me killed and Natalie as well. Not to mention they were aware of what was planned for Ian and did nothing to stop it.
It didn’t change the fact that I killed them. In my anger I couldn’t see another way around it. Maybe there wasn’t another way around what I had done but I felt inhuman, disconnected.
I had felt that way the first time I killed a zombie. Over time it became second nature, easier but in the beginning it was difficult. I’d think about the lives the people had lived before they turned and wonder about their families. Where they were or if they had turned too or if they were on their way to someone when it happened. When I thought about the latter I always thought about Shelly. Eventually Ian helped me not to dwell on that part as they were no longer human, no longer able to understand their actions.
I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to fully live with what I had done to Eric and Todd but I knew I couldn’t continue to dwell on it. I had to get up and move. I had to get the hell out of the safe haven but I had no idea how to do that. Leaving wasn’t an option that was readily given. That’s why Ian and I had planned to just never come back when we left for a run as the guards weren’t supposed to let anyone out almost as much as they weren’t supposed to let them in. But I knew that Jerry tended to be at the gate before sunrise and I knew he’d let me go.
There was really only one problem I didn’t know how to address and I wasn’t
