I sigh and shake my head. “I probably wouldn’t have risked it anyway, but with everything going on, I definitely don’t want to take any chances with my rehab and the front office. They kind of hate me right now.” I release a dry laugh to lighten the comment, but she doesn’t smile.
“I’m really sorry, Oliver. For all of it. You don’t deserve any of this.”
I shrug and return to running my fingers over her skin above the bandage. “This world would be unrecognizable if everyone got what they deserved. Besides, then I wouldn’t have you.”
Lame as hell, but totally worth it when she blushes and releases the cutest grin.
“Pretty sure it’s the other way around,” she mutters, giving me a slight nudge with her foot on my lap.
“I guess that means we deserve each other either way then. I’ll take that.”
Her smile spreads as she lifts her gaze to mine. “I told you I was going to fix this and I meant it. I’m going to work harder on fixing myself too. I have an interview with a new therapist. One that I think will really be able to help me and challenge me. I’ll need that extra support over the next few months.”
“That’s great, Gen. Mine has been huge for my recovery.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “You see a therapist?”
“Of course. I meet with the team psychologist once a week. In the beginning it was even more often and it was mostly to sort through the depression and despair over what happened. Now, we focus mainly on meditation and visualization.”
“Visualization?”
“Yeah. Even though I can’t be on the ice, I can continue to train my mind to think like I am. I picture all kinds of plays and scenarios and imagine myself reacting. And yeah, sometimes I just need to tell someone how much this fucking sucks.”
She grins and shoves my leg again. “Just sometimes?”
I laugh. “Okay, a lot of times. Because it does, but that’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if we do or don’t deserve what we got. We still have to live with it, so we have to decide if we give it more control over our lives or take the power back.”
Her eyes narrow as she considers my words. I can tell they have a strong effect. “Hmm. Who needs a therapist when you have Oliver Levesque in your life?”
“My siblings would tell you anyone who has to deal with me regularly would benefit from therapy,” I say dryly.
She laughs and tugs my sleeve. “Well, anyway, I just wanted you to know I meant what I said on the phone. I’m serious about this. I’m going to climb. I know it will be hard, probably brutal at times, but I want to go after something that’s worth the pain. I have a meeting scheduled with Sam tonight to discuss everything, and we’re also searching for a new publicist to fix the current mess, as well as help us navigate what’s coming.”
“You fired Selena?”
“Of course I fired her. She obviously worked for my mother, not for me. At least I can trust Sam. My mom didn’t delete her messages from my phone, only yours.”
My jaw clenches but I work to rein in my anger. None of that matters now anyway. “Are you going to tell Sam about Viv Hastings?” I ask, forcing away my rant against her mother.
Genevieve shakes her head and leans it back against the window. “No. I’ll tell her Genevieve Fox is retiring so we can come up with a plan for that, but no one can know about Viv. If she’s going to be real, she needs to make it on her own. She needs to get noticed for her own talent, her own drive. At least when people find out it’s me later on, I’ll know I earned my place this time.”
Wow. “Damn. I wish I was half as brave as you.”
She grins. “Yeah? You think I have the guts to be a hockey player?”
“Genevieve Fox, no. But pretty sure Viv Hastings could be an enforcer.”
I’m drained by the time Sandy drops me off at the training center around noon on the way back from Vegas. He promises to take Genevieve and Hadley to Gen’s place before heading home to see the fam and pack for their road trip. Despite my exhaustion, I jump right in the pool to start training. I have hell waiting for me from the front office, so the more time I can get in before that drama, the better. Will they finally let me go for good? I’m useless to them physically. A question mark. A drain on resources. Now I’m a PR headache on top of it. At what point am I no longer worth the pain to them? I gave this recovery everything I had but it often feels like no one knows that, like these last weeks of battling have happened in a vacuum. I was invisible until I exploded into the public eye as a monster.
The water feels good as I dive in, soothing my tired body and more worn-out spirit. Sandy kept telling me to sleep on our drive to Vegas, but it was impossible after the shock of what I read before we left. Did it hurt to see those things about myself, even if they were lies? Hell yes. The world thinks I’m the opposite of what I am. I’ve worked my entire life for a goal that got ripped away from me in an instant. Now, I’ve had my reputation and everything I’ve done to prove myself since taken away as well. I felt like I was facing a five-on-none as I walked through the front door today, bracing to defend myself to disappointed people who should know me and will now think they don’t.
I push through several laps, enjoying the burn of my lungs and strain of exertion, but
