Most people make movies in their mind when they think about what they do. Recall what you did when you got up this morning. Most people remember past events as if they are watching movies of what happened – though obviously these mental movies have different qualities from looking at the world in the here and now.
There are some interesting variations in the way people see their movies. One significant difference is:
You are actually in the movie, looking out through your eyes at what is happening around you.
You can see yourself acting in the movie. It is as though you are in a cinema watching everything that is happening at a distance on the screen.
Of course, you may use both of these points of view at different times, but you probably have a preference. You may be able to switch from one mode to the other easily at will. This distinction is important, because in the first case, the associated version, you are also strongly connected to your emotions. Your mind does not really distinguish between something happening “for real” and your remembered version of it. If you are associated in the memory, it can still have an emotional impact. Experience this for yourself:
Recall a mildly unpleasant memory. If you see yourself in that memory – dissociated – then deliberately associate into the memory and notice if your feelings increase.
Most people recall painful memories as associated, but not everyone. Some only associate into those memories that are extremely painful.
Exercise 3.1: The lemon
Try this:
Imagine opening the door of your refrigerator and taking out a lemon. Close the door, take a knife, put the lemon on the cutting board. Slice the lemon into halves, and then into quarters. Pick up one of the quarters and put that slice of lemon into your mouth. Squeeze it and feel the lemon juice squirting into your mouth. Are you salivating yet?
Most people find an increase in salivation. This simple experiment illustrates how the mind does not differentiate between real and imaginary experiences.
On the other hand, if you were watching a movie of yourself doing that, it is highly likely that your response would not be as strong. When you are observing what happened from the outside, from a dissociated position, you are usually more objective and not connecting with those feelings in the same way. You can evaluate your experience and have feelings about it, but you are not going to be so caught up in them as when you are associated. This associated/dissociated distinction is important in some of the exercises and processes that follow.
When you switch from an associated memory to a dissociated one, note how your feelings diminish when you dissociate from the memory and see yourself in it.Focus of attention
Whether or not someone blocks depends on how they perceive the situation they are in. Another distinction looks at what specifically they are paying attention to in the content of the movie. For situations perceived as threatening, PWS have programmed themselves to experience a state of fear or anxiety. In non-threatening situations they are happy to interact with the other person and able to focus on their individual or joint objectives. For example, one of my clients told me, “When I am by myself, I can’t even make myself stutter; but as soon as I walk out that door and speak to anyone, I almost always block and stutter.” Another said, “When I speak to someone that I know and feel safe with, I do not stutter. When I speak to someone whom I do not know I feel unsafe and I always block and stutter.”
Obviously, during those times of fluency, the object of their attention is quite different from what they are paying attention to when they block and stutter. Therefore it is important to ask the PWS: “Where are your thoughts directed when you are blocking; where are they directed when you are fluent?” You are eliciting what they have in focus, what is in the foreground of their attention.
People tend to block when they focus exclusively on themselves and their present experience of fear and anxiety. Instead of attending to the other person with whom they are communicating and the content of what they are saying, they focus on their fear of stuttering, and that fear grabs their total attention; they cut off from the other person and the communication ceases. Their emotional states come into the foreground – and no one’s needs are met because these people are unable to communicate effectively.
A PWS may say, “Now wait a minute Bob. It is not myself that I am focusing on; I am focusing on the other person and how they will judge my speech.” However, that judgment is actually theirs. They are hallucinating what the other person is thinking about them, imagining being judged by that other person. It is as if the PWS is observing what is happening from an observer position (see below): monitoring their own performance rather than holding in mind the purpose of the communication, and this kind of detached awareness interferes with their functioning.
On the other hand, when speaking fluently, the person is focusing on their outcomes for the conversation, what they want to happen. They are not even bothering to think about any imagined judgments; any fear of blocking and stuttering is irrelevant. Think of a time when you were busily engaged in doing something you love – a hobby or sport, for example. You are so intent on what you are doing, giving it your all, concentrating on achieving perfection, that if someone asks “Are you happy?” you have to detach yourself and think about it. You are happy, but you only realise this after you stop to consider. In the same way, when you are fluent, you are not thinking about fluency, because you are busy getting on with living and communicating. You only have time for the
