“Yeah. Pretty sure that trip to Nepal saved my life. I feel like it gave my life meaning and purpose again.”
A wave of sadness washed over me. Why wasn’t I enough? Why did he have to travel to the ends of the earth to find his meaning and purpose? Then he finished his story and the pieces fit into place.
“Right before I left for Nepal, I called my mom. It was the first time I’d called home in two years. I told her that I saw you a few months before and I asked about the baby. I asked if you were both okay. I guess she thought I knew... I don’t know. But that’s how I found out it was Brody’s.”
“Did that mess you up?”
He snorted. “What do you think?”
I’d take that as a yes.
“I tried not to think about it. Because it just hurt too fucking much.”
In Jude’s mind, what Brody and I had done was a huge betrayal. The morning after, when I’d woken up with Brody, I’d felt so guilty. I think he did too but neither of us ever mentioned that night again. “And now? How are you doing with it?”
“I’m learning to accept it,” Jude said, and that was about as much as anyone could expect.
“I just want you to know… the night I was with Brody…”
“I don’t want to hear—”
“No. Please. Just listen.” His jaw clenched but he nodded. “We spent the whole evening talking about you. And we were both so sad and so angry, you know? We got so drunk, Jude. And he told me…” I stopped and took a deep breath. “He told me what you did for him in Odessa. He told me what happened to him when he was in foster care.”
“He told you?” Jude asked in surprise.
I nodded. “I know it was only because he was so drunk but he wanted me to know that you were there for him when he needed you. And what happened between me and Brody… that night… We were just two people who had been best friends for a long, long time. Falling down drunk and trying to comfort each other. Because we both lost you. And we both loved you so much. When I found out I was pregnant, I cried.”
“Why did you cry?”
“Because you’re the one who left me. But I knew I’d just closed the door to any possibility that you’d ever come back. I knew that when you found out, if you ever did, that would truly be the end for us. And up until then, I’d still been holding out the hope that you would change your mind and that you’d turn up one day and beg me to take you back.”
He repositioned me so I was straddling him and wrapped his hand around the back of my head, pulling me toward him. Our lips collided and he kissed me hard. “And here I am, doing just that,” he murmured. “Begging you to take me back.” He kissed the corner of my mouth. “Begging you to love my fucked-up self.” Fisting my hair, he yanked it, exposing the column of my neck, his mouth moving down it, teeth grazing my collarbone.
I squeezed his shoulders and rocked my hips, grinding against his hard length as his hand found my breast, caressing it.
God, this man could make me lose my mind for him.
“You really think… you really believe we can do this?” I panted. “That we can make it work this time?”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” He made quick work of whipping off my T-shirt and helping me out of my cotton shorts. Not even bothering to strip off his own clothes, he unbuttoned his jeans and I pushed down the waistband of his boxer briefs, guiding his tip to my entrance.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he said as I sank down on him until I was fully seated.
“Brody will be back next week. If you want to be in my life and Noah’s life, you’ll have to find a way to make peace with him.”
“Fuck. That works better than a cold shower.”
I laughed and rolled my hips, eliciting a groan from him. “Yet somehow, you’re still hard.”
“For you,” he murmured as his lips met mine again and his hands gripped my hips.
“I’m serious. You and Brody—”
“Stop mentioning his name,” he growled. I pursed my lips and held his gaze until he sighed and then he nodded. “Fine. I’ll make peace with Brody. Now can we finish what we started?”
“Mommy! I’m thirsty!”
With a groan of frustration, Jude’s head hit the back of the sofa as I climbed off him and scrambled to get dressed.
“I’m coming,” I yelled.
“If only that were true,” Jude muttered.
Ha! That would teach him to fuck girls called Bianca.
Chapter Forty-Four
Jude
Fuck. That’s not right. When in doubt, Google it.
“Mommy can do it,” Noah said. “Mommy knows how to do everything.”
Pretty sure my man card would be revoked if I didn’t get this right. “She does. But I’ve got this.” Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I cracked my knuckles and rolled out my shoulders. “One more try.”
He sighed. “Okay.”
I untied the bow tie and started over. This time it looked halfway decent. I wet a comb and ran it through his hair then held him at arms-length. “You look handsome, slugger.”
He grinned. I snapped a photo and sent it to Lila. Her response was immediate.
Lila: My baby. Why does he look so grown up? My heart can’t handle it.
I bumped my fist against Noah’s. “You ready to go?”
He nodded.
“Everything okay back there?” I asked him as we drove to Sadler’s Creek Vineyard. The last time I saw Lila’s friend, Sophie, I was coked up and drunk off my ass. I was surprised she’d even consider letting me attend her wedding.
When Noah didn’t answer, I eyed him in the rearview mirror. He’d been quiet for the entire drive which wasn’t like him. The kid was usually talking my ear off.
“What’s
