I stayed seated. We weren’t kids anymore.
But now that I’d seen her, one thing was certain. Those old feelings had never died. For all my fuck-ups, for all the shit I had done to her and the hell I had put her through, I had never once stopped loving her.
Question was, when had she stopped loving me?
When I came home a different man, that’s when. I’d seen it in her eyes and on her face. She’d never had a good poker face. Her eyes didn’t lie. I’d taken the light out of them. I had failed her in every way imaginable.
I had broken her heart and in true Lila fashion, she had come back swinging.
Fucking ripped the beating organ out of my chest and stomped all over it. She’d always been a fighter. It was one of the many things I’d loved most about her.
But never in a million years would I have thought she and Brody would betray me the way they had.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lila
Shell-shocked. That was how I felt after seeing Jude. Nobody had even bothered to warn me that he was coming home. Maybe they weren’t certain he would actually show up.
I drove past fields of wildflowers and bluebonnets, barely noticing the scenery. Spring was my favorite time of year in the Hill Country. Warm and sunny without the blistering heat of summer. The breeze whipped my hair around and I pushed my sunglasses on top of my head to keep it out of my face.
I still couldn’t believe he was home.
He’d looked so good. Like he’d been lounging on a beach for the past six years. Which I highly doubted. But he wasn’t the same broken man who had left me. His blue eyes were clear. They hadn’t looked vacant or haunted. He wasn’t drunk or high. His shoulders were broader, his body leaner, his hair longer like it used to be before he enlisted. That messy, tousled style that made me ache to run my fingers through it.
A car pulled out in front of me, and I slammed on the brakes. My car skidded to a halt, my sweaty hands white-knuckling the steering wheel. My heart was in my throat. I’d narrowly missed the car in front of me and they were none the wiser. I took a few deep breaths then pressed my foot on the accelerator, both hands on the wheel, more alert now as I drove.
God. I hadn’t even been paying attention. That was what seeing Jude did to me. Made me reckless and shaken. After I’d walked out of Patrick’s hospital room, it had taken me at least ten minutes to rein in my galloping heart and stop my hands from shaking.
This was ridiculous. How could he still hold so much power over me?
And there he’d been, sitting in his chair like a king on his throne, not even bothering to stand up and greet me. Not a hug. Nothing. So cold like he couldn’t care less about seeing me. He’d looked almost bored.
I tugged a hand through my hair, a frustrated growl escaping my lips.
He didn’t get to come back here and mess with my head. Not after the way he left me. I’d worked so hard to build a new life for myself, one that didn’t include him. My life was good. I had my own business. I had my own house. Not my dream house, but my riverside cottage was an oasis. A fresh start. And most importantly, I had Noah. He was my one true love. My number one priority.
As much as I would love to continue driving aimlessly, I didn’t have that luxury. It was wedding season and we were crazy busy, so I turned my car around and headed in the direction of Wild at Heart. My happy place.
As I walked through the open French doors of the floral design studio, I inhaled a deep breath of peonies and eucalyptus and exhaled all the bad stuff. Christy was a yoga nut and claimed it was the secret to a balanced life. But she didn’t have an ex who haunted her dreams and messed with her head. She had a boyfriend who worshipped the ground she walked on.
“Hey,” she said, stepping out of the walk-in cooler. Today she wore her dark hair in two buns, Princess Leia style and a khaki shorts jumpsuit that would make me look like a Cub Scout. But she managed to pull it off. Christy Rivera could make a burlap sack look chic. “How’s Patrick?”
“He’s, um... yeah, he’s fine. Patrick is fine.” God, I was the worst. I’d barely spoken to him. But it wasn’t my first hospital visit. I went to see him in the ICU yesterday. Today he’d looked a million times better.
I stowed my purse in the cupboard under the wood counter and grabbed my work order for the Conrad wedding. The color palette was blush, cream and shades of green. The wedding was at an Antebellum-style plantation. The typed words blurred on the page.
Concentrate, Lila.
“Austin Wholesale just delivered our order. I did an inventory. It’s all here. The mother of the bride for the Conrad wedding dropped off...”
Christy was still talking. I tried to focus on her words but I couldn’t. How long was Jude back for? Was he planning to stay? Did he have a girlfriend? A wife? Oh my God. What if he was married? Surely, I would have heard about it. Right? But I couldn’t be sure. Nobody in his family talked to me about him. They never even mentioned his name in my presence.
“Lila!”
My head snapped up and my gaze met Christy’s. “What?”
Her annoyance morphed into concern, her dark brows pulled together in a V. “Are you okay?”
“Um, yeah...” I shook my head, disputing my own words. “No. I don’t know.” My shoulders slumped. I rubbed my forehead, trying to ease the tension. “Jude’s back. I just saw him at the hospital.”
Her jaw went slack. “Holy shit.”
