“You’re burning the steaks,” Brody said, his voice tight, his presence a reminder of everything I’d lost.
“Good thing it’s yours then. You still take your steak incinerated, don’t you?” I flipped the char-grilled steak and pressed the spatula against it. The fat sizzled and smoke filled the air. I ignored his muttered curses. Even though I preferred my steak rare, I’d eat the damn steak myself.
The dinner went about as well as anyone could expect, given the circumstances. My mom made small talk, trying to gloss over the tension. Not sure who had been in charge of the seating arrangement but I’d been placed directly across from Lila. Brody was on her left. Noah on her right. He was cute and innocent. Not his fault that his dad was an asshole.
“How long you planning to stay in town?” Brody asked me. The implication was clear. When are you leaving?
Noah was happily eating pie with two scoops of vanilla ice cream, blissfully unaware of the tension between his father and uncle.
“For as long as my dad needs me.”
“It will be a few months, at least,” my mom said, sounding far chirpier than the situation demanded.
A few months. This should be fun. I needed to man up. I was here for my dad and for my mom.
With a smirk aimed at me, Brody slung an arm around Lila’s shoulders like it belonged there. I gritted my teeth. I could feel my eye fucking twitching.
Lila shot him a look which he ignored. His arm stayed right where it was, wrapped around my ex-fiancée’s shoulders. Even as he slid his ringing phone out of his pocket and answered the call, his arm didn’t budge.
Unable to watch anymore of this, I stood up and started clearing the table, stacking plates and bowls, ignoring my mom’s plea to sit down and relax. This was not my idea of relaxing. I was wound so tight I needed to punch something. Or someone.
I set the dishes in the sink and gripped the edge, my shoulders hunched, my chest rising and falling on each breath. In. Out. In. Out. My jaw was clenched so tight I was surprised my molars didn’t crack.
“Are you okay?” she asked quietly, rubbing my back with the palm of her hand. Trying to soothe me, like I was a fucking baby. “Jude... are you okay?”
“Am I okay?” I laughed harshly. Was she out of her fucking mind? “Define okay.”
“Could you just turn around and look at me? Please,” she added, her voice tinged with worry. I hated that she felt the need to worry about me. It made me feel weak. Pathetic. The way I used to feel when I came back here seven years ago and she tried to do everything in her power to fix me. To heal me.
“Why? So I can see what I’ve lost? I don’t need another reminder of that.” Even I could hear the bitterness in my voice. I took another deep breath then granted her wish and turned around to face her.
“Brody just left. He had to check on one of his horses.” That was the only reason she’d ventured into the kitchen. Brody was gone. Surprised he’d left her alone with me. Her eyes darted to the sink filled with dirty dishes. “You rinse and I’ll stack?”
I scrubbed my hand over my face and laughed under my breath. Why the hell not. Let’s just pretend that everything was fine. “Sure.”
“He has so much energy.” I followed her gaze out the window above the sink. Noah streaked across the back yard with Jesse chasing after him. “He’s like one of those Energizer bunnies. Just keeps going and going.” A nervous laugh escaped her lips. It was so unlike her to be nervous or act shy around me but suddenly we were like two people just getting to know each other, unsure where to even begin.
I handed her another plate to stack in the dishwasher. “He’s a fast runner. Like you.”
“And yet, I could never beat you.”
“I would have let you win but the one time I tried that, you punched me in the face and accused me of treating you like a girl.”
“I didn’t punch you in the face.” She laughed. “You’re just making stuff up now.”
“Might have been my shoulder. There was definitely a punch involved.”
“Sorry,” she said, not sounding the least bit sorry.
“No, you’re not.”
We both laughed and it eased some of the tension.
I rinsed and she stacked, neither of us talking until the job was done. When the dishwasher was filled, she leaned her hip against the door to close it. I turned from the sink, wiping my wet hands on my jeans, and took my first good look at her since she’d arrived.
“You look good, Rebel.” She looked up at me from beneath her long lashes. The sun pouring through the window gave her skin a honey glow, highlighting the flecks of gold in her green eyes. Her throat bobbed on a swallow, and she licked her lips. I wanted to sink my teeth into her pillow-soft lips. Crush her body to mine and never let her fucking go.
How could I have ever walked away from the best thing in my life? Even after all these years, I still didn’t have an answer. Except that I was so fucked in the head that I couldn’t stay and subject her to more abuse. “Motherhood looks good on you.”
Her eyes lowered to the terracotta tiled floor. “I never meant... I never meant for it to happen this way. I never meant to hurt you.” She took a ragged breath and let it out as if admitting that had cost her a lot.
I never meant to hurt her either, and it killed me that I had, but it happened and there was no way to rewind time and undo the damage. “You never answered my question the other day. Are you happy?”
Unable to meet my eyes, her gaze drifted to the window. “What do you
