“Put me down!”
I set him on the ground and turned him around to face me, keeping a firm but gentle hold on him so I wouldn’t hurt him but he couldn’t run away again either.
“You scared us. Your mommy and daddy are looking all over for you. Are you going to come back with me or do I have to carry you back?”
“Let me go.”
“As long as you promise not to run away again.”
He thought about it for a minute then nodded and I walked him back to Lila who ran to him when she saw him.
She lifted him off the ground and into her arms. His legs wrapped around her waist and she held him close, stroking his hair. “I was so scared I lost you.”
Noah lifted his head from her shoulder and patted her cheeks with the palms of his hand, smearing dirt across her cheekbones. “You can’t lose me. I’m your Noah.”
“Yes, you are. And I love you so much.”
“Love you too. Put me down.”
Lila set him on the ground and took his hand. “We’re going home now. Brody, get his bag please.”
“Come on, L. Don’t—”
“You two can finish whatever it is you were doing. He’s coming home with me.”
“I’m gonna stay with Daddy,” Noah said.
“Not tonight. He’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Why can’t I stay?” he asked Brody.
“Because your mom says so. That’s why.”
I followed Lila and Noah across the field, around the side of the house and to their car. Not sure why. I knew she didn’t even want to see my face much less talk to me.
“Bye, Uncle Jude,” Noah said after Lila belted him into his car seat. She stepped aside to let me say goodbye. Which was more than I deserved.
“Bye Noah.”
“You got blood on your shirt.”
“Yeah. I was being stupid. Fighting is stupid. It’s not the right way to settle an argument. It’s better to use your words.”
He nodded. “That’s what Mommy and Grandma say.”
I smiled. “That’s what your grandma always told me too. You should listen to your mommy. She’s smart. A lot smarter than me.”
He nodded and I tapped his fist with my bloody knuckles then backed away from the car. I glanced at Lila whose arms were crossed over her chest, her eyes on the ground like she couldn’t even bear to look at me.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. I didn’t expect a response and I didn’t get one. She rounded the back of her car as Brody walked out of his house with Noah’s bags.
I climbed into my truck, grabbed some napkins from the glove compartment and flipped down the visor. I hated looking in the mirror. No surprise. My face was a fucking mess. I wiped the blood from my nose and tossed the napkins in the cupholder. There was no help for me now. I watched Lila in the rearview mirror. She had both hands on the steering wheel, ready to go. She was blocking me in, so I had to wait for her to pull out.
Brody stopped next to her open window and crouched in front of it. My windows were open but I couldn’t hear his words from here. None of my business anyway. Whether I liked it or not, I had to accept that they were a family and I was the odd man out.
What kind of example had we set for a four-year-old? A shitty one.
I waited until I heard her tires crunching over the gravel then turned my key in the ignition.
“Just for the record,” Brody told me as he passed my window. “I have no intention of forgiving and forgetting anytime soon.”
“Just for the record, neither do I.” I threw my truck into reverse and did a three-point turn then followed Lila down the dirt and gravel driveway. At the end of it, she turned left onto the highway and I turned right. She followed the last of the sun as it dipped into the sky while I drove away from it.
And that was how it felt. Like we’d been going in different directions for all these years and we would continue to do so.
How could we ever find our way back to each other after all that had been said and done? The best thing I could do for her would be to stay away. But now that I was back here, now that I’d seen her again, I didn’t know how to do that.
Brody had been there for her when I hadn’t been.
How had I failed so epically? How?
How could I ever fix everything that I’d broken? How could I repair the damage that I’d done? The boy who had been her best friend... the man who had loved her beyond words or reason... wanted to believe that it was still possible.
My foot was on the first step of the staircase when my mom called to me from the kitchen. Reluctantly, I walked down the hallway, the walls covered in photos that I didn’t stop to look at. I’d seen them all before. Proms, graduations, homecomings, our annual family Christmas photos through the years.
As I crossed the terracotta tiles, my mom looked up from the crossword puzzle she was working on and gasped. Guess my face didn’t look so good.
“Honestly. Aren’t you two a bit old to be fighting?”
I pulled up a chair across from her and raked both hands through my hair. “Probably.”
Tskking, my mom stood up from the table, grabbed a dish towel from the drawer and opened the freezer to get some ice for the bruising on my face.
“I’m okay,” I said. “I don’t need ice. Just sit down. Please.”
With a sigh of resignation, she returned to her seat at the table. “Do you want some herbal tea? It might help you sleep.”
“No, thanks. I’m good. Why are you still awake?” My eyes darted to the clock on the wall above the stove.
