“No, but I wanted my daughter,” I admit. “I thought she was going to solve all my problems, but I know now that’s a lie. Otherwise, I don’t think I would’ve jumped back into my addictions so fast.”
“But she basically broke your heart.”
I don’t confess to it, even if it’s true. The pain I felt when I learned the baby wasn’t mine and knowing Sara had gotten one over on me the whole time was unreal.
“It took me a while after that happened before I realized I wanted to get clean again for myself,” I continue on. “It was actually Jaxson who helped me. I met him after trying to do something stupid, and we hit it off. I offered him a job and he moved into my place. It was one morning after I woke up in a pile of my own puke after an overdose that he gave me the real kick in the ass I needed to move forward with my life. Here was the guy, I barely knew, doing more, helping me more than my own family and had a world of his own problems with River vanishing to make me see I was a fuck up. He flushed my pills down the toilet and when I actually put my hand down for them, I knew then it was rock bottom and the only way was to come back up.”
“Your family really wasn’t there for you?”
“Jaxson was it. It’s why he’s like my brother more than my twin. I don't know how he put up with me while I detoxed. I was a beast. My brother did try for a few days after I told him I wanted to quit. I will say he put up with me; we hung out for years when I was high till he moved, but me detoxing wasn't something he could handle. Landon was never good at supporting anyone but himself and maybe his wife. As for my parents, I didn’t bother trying to explain to them. I got some outside help. Talked to someone for a little while, but I did better on my own than with a bunch of people hovering over my shoulder.” I take a deep breath, feeling the burden I have been carrying being released. Everything feels lighter, and in some way, I feel free. She knows and I don’t feel so confined or held back by my past. A step forward. "And now you know."
"Now I know." She smiles and curls her fingers into my hair, moving to straddle my lap. "And it changes nothing of how I feel." She places a kiss behind my ear.
"It should.”
"Why? We are all imperfect people. I can't hold your past against you when all you’re doing is trying to not make the mistakes again."
"But I told you I have days where I crave going back. Where I want to drink.”
"Okay, and we will face them then if we have to. I'm not your brother or anyone else for that matter. I'm me and I’m not going to run before anything happens or the possibility of what might happen.”
“You’re too good for me, Red.” I brush the back of my fingers down her cheek and down her neck. Little goosebumps raise on her flushed skin. I’m done talking. I want her. More than I ever wanted anyone before. To finish healing from the destruction of my past.
“Stop it. I’m nothing special.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” I push the strap of her tank top down and place a kiss on her bare shoulder. "Okay, so now that's all out of the way and you know my dark side, I have a couple follow up questions to our first night together I have been dying to ask. Since now you know I was strung out of mind and it had nothing to do with you being one of many faces." I smirk remembering her backhanded comment the first time I saw her at the office.
"What do you want to know?"
“Did I leave the Thor wig on?”
“What?” she laughs. "That's what you want to know?"
“Yes, I need to know everything. I'm basically naked in front of you. I bared my soul to you. I’ve been trying for so long to envision what our first night together was like, but all I see is me in my Thor getup all over you."
"That's attractive." She snorts a laugh.
"That’s what I’m talking about. So, wig or no wig?" I pull her tighter into my growing erection.
"You took it off."
"Oh good, good.” I push down her other loose strap, then tug on the neckline of her tank-top to expose her full, perfect breasts. I run my thumbs over her pebbled, cherry nipples, the ones begging me to wrap my mouth around them. “I worried I had made a bad first impression. Now, what about the outfit?"
“The outfit?” She pants.
“Yes. I need to know everything. My mind has been completely erased and you’re the only one that has the key to my memories.”
“You got butt ass naked. Are you happy now?”
“Very.” I smirk and roll her nipples between my fingers. Her head tosses back with a moan. “Did your nipples get hard under my touch just like this?”
“I don’t know, but I like when you do this.” She pushes her chest towards me.
“I do too because you get all nice and wet for me.” We have been spending more time exploring each other over the last couple days, and I no longer sleep on her couch.
"I want you," she moans as she presses her lips underneath my ear. "All
