Wherever this laid-back version of him had come from, she’d take it. Sliding her hand against his hard thigh, she leaned closer.
Maybe she’d been wrong about him.
Maybe he was coming around. All those years ago, this was the exact sort of moment she’d dreamed of. A burst of giddiness bubbled up inside her.
But they still needed to talk. Suddenly it couldn’t wait another minute.
The second the band finished the song, she stood. His brows rose as he stared up at her.
“Where’s the fire?”
“I--” Spit it out, Sabrina. “There’s one more thing I have planned.”
“Okay.”
When they got to the car, she reached into the backseat and pulled out the journal and the letter she’d written.
She tucked it between her thighs and pushed every speed limit as she headed back to the RV park. As she turned onto the gravel drive, she thanked her lucky stars that she didn’t see flashing blue lights in her rear-view mirror.
“I know you said you’re only here until Christmas,” she began as she navigated the twists and turns. “Or maybe you won’t even be here that long.”
She pulled to a stop behind his truck and put her car in park, but she didn’t kill the engine.
Taking a deep breath, she handed over the notebook. Unease prickled her neck. She was handing over her most private thoughts from a time that had caused her so much pain. It was all the ammunition someone would need to destroy her. Her soul was splashed across the pages. Every demon was laid bare from the summers of her childhood to the years after Ethan’s death.
“Every time I try to talk about this you shut me down or we start kissing.”
“Talk about what?”
“I overheard you. That day on the beach. You didn’t know I was there, but I’d come out to walk. But you were already there with Leslie and the others. You couldn’t have known what I was going through. At least, I didn’t think you did. Later I prayed that you didn’t.”
“Sabrina--”
“Just let me get this out. I’ve figured out that I hurt you when I kept turning you down for a second date.”
“You hurt me when you cut me out of your life like I never existed.” A harsh sigh echoed through the car. “We were best friends for over a decade and then it was like I didn’t exist anymore.”
“I didn’t exist. I didn’t want to.”
“Wha—”
“It’s all there.” She nodded toward the worn journal in his hands. “The depression, the bullying, the war with my weight. I almost lost, David. Almost. Read it.”
He was silent for so long she thought he might refuse.
“For me. I want you to understand. I want your forgiveness. It took a long time for me to forgive myself. But God sent me an angel and he taught me how to live. Maybe he can teach you too.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he nodded slowly.
“That was never important to me, you know? Your weight. That was just...a body. I knew your soul.”
The tears she’d been holding back fell. She’d thought she was strong. Stronger after everything she’d been through, but he still had the power to break her. And she’d just handed him the key.
“Read it.”
He nodded and reached for the door handle.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked.
“I’d like that.”
She watched until he disappeared inside and then she let the tears fall. In an hour or so he’d know. He’d know about her childhood crush, about her struggle when he’d moved away, about the day Ethan had stopped her from taking her own life.
Panic stole her breath and she choked on a sob. What had she done?
A raindrop hit her windshield. It was a fitting end for an otherwise perfect day. A moment later the heavens opened, and his rig was obscured by sheets of water. A lamp flicked on in the living room.
Part of her wanted to run in there and take the journal back. She’d never let a soul read it, not even Ethan. But on her road of fixing the wrongs in her life, David Jameson was her last mountain to climb.
She’d made her peace with the mean girls at their ten-year high school reunion. Not only did they not remember her, they’d attempted to befriend her.
She’d worked her ass off, growing her business into a wild success. Money wasn’t nearly the concern it’d been during her youth.
She’d tackled her diet and found a workout regimen she could stick too. When she tried on the latest fashions, she no longer cringed in the mirror or ate a donut to assuage her pain.
Most importantly, she’d learned to love herself in a way that she never had during high school. But David was the last piece of the puzzle. The last relationship that needed mending.
Even if it changed nothing, even if he pulled out of here in a month’s time and never spoke to her again, it would be enough. He’d know the truth.
Sabrina hiccupped and wiped at her tears.
She’d trusted him as a child. She trusted him with her body now. She could trust him with her heart and soul again.
14
David skimmed the first dozen pages. He’d recognized her handwriting immediately. The deeper he went, the more elegant the letters became. Even as a kid her penmanship had been extraordinary.
No wonder she’d become a master calligrapher. Jill said Sabrina taught classes all over the country, even Europe and had her own line of inks, papers and pens.
The entry from August of their eighth-grade year caught his attention. That was the month his mom had married his step dad and they’d moved across town.
Mom says I need to stop eating so much junk food or I won’t fit into my clothes. It doesn’t matter what I eat, my legs are still going to be too long for last year’s jeans. I hate wearing high waters.
David smiled because he read the
