He made me laugh twice today. And somehow, I didn’t feel the least bit awkward around him. He’s majoring in architecture.
I’ll report in after our walk.
Tears leaked from the corners of David’s eyes and he gasped for air. But he didn’t stop reading.
Her next entry was a week later. She’d been busy exercising and hanging out with Ethan. David read about their late-night gab fests, as she called them. Afternoon movies. Saturday morning walks in the park. Slowly, the tone of the entries began to shift. Her confidence grew as did her happiness.
All the while she maintained her beautiful penmanship.
That Christmas they decided to stay at school rather than going home. Sabrina’s family life had finally bottomed all the way out and Ethan didn’t want her to be alone, so they celebrated together.
He finally brought it up. I knew he knew. I knew he’d seen the pills and vodka and put two and two together.
I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about, but he said he’d passed my door and saw me standing there, looking like I was at my rope’s end and ready to cut my losses.
Something told him to turn back and to talk to me.
He had cancer in high school. Total shocker. I didn’t believe him at first because he’s always trying to tease me. Says I’m gullible.
When I realized how serious he was, everything started to make sense. His zest for life. How easily he makes friends with anyone and everyone. I caught him talking to a squirrel in the quad the other day.
He’s just so flipping happy all the time and it’s started to rub off on me. I find myself smiling all the time and giggling at random things. He’s got this zest for life that’s contagious. I can’t help but want to live life to the fullest when he’s around. He doesn’t let anything hold him back, especially his weight.
As if that wasn’t a bomb enough he said he knew how I’d felt. Outcast, out of road, like life was pointless and he just didn’t want to fight anymore. He had planned his death. Every last detail was prepared, just like me.
But right before he ended everything, he wondered if tomorrow would be better. What if he was giving up right before life started getting good?
I’m crying. I haven’t really stopped.
I just can’t imagine the world without him in it. I can’t imagine not hearing his voice every day. I couldn’t bear not hearing his jokes or his goofy impressions.
The world is better with him in it. Complete.
He saved my life that day. I can see that now. And he was right. It’s just starting to get good. For the first time in years, I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.
David cleared his throat and swiped at the tears running down his cheeks.
Oh, Sabrina.
His beautiful, brave Sabrina.
David quickly read deeper. She’d continued exercising. They’d been eating well. She was loving school. Every word was more vibrant than the last. The color of her ink changed daily.
Life had finally turned around for her. She no longer shied away from social events and even made friends with “pretty girls.”
And then her life shattered again.
Ethan’s cancer is back. He’s optimistic and smiling, but I can tell he’s in pain. He never could shake that cold.
My head is still spinning. The doctors are acting fast. The nurses are so kind. I’m camped out on the couch. He keeps telling me to go home, he’s got this. Maybe later, just to sleep.
David’s heart cracked wide as he read her words. She’d stuck with Ethan to the bitter end. She’d been there, tending him, making him comfortable, helping with his medications, supporting his parents.
A week ago, he’d thought she didn’t know how to stick it through the tough times. David was ashamed. So ashamed.
This was a woman who’d walked through fire and came out forged of steel. She, more than maybe anyone he knew, could tough it out. She had toughed it out through high school, through a miserable family life, through her best friend’s passing.
He’s gone.
Two words. Two short words that said everything. So much pain, loss, emotion. Tears trailed down David’s cheeks.
He sat back, digesting her words. Her story. She’d endured so much and come out a shining example of perseverance and hope. It was so clear now.
Everything was clearer when you had your head out of your ass.
He bolted out the door and didn’t even bother to lock it. Vaulting behind the wheel of his truck, he turned over the ignition and dug his phone from his pocket.
“Call Teo,” he instructed as he backed out of his space.
And then he was driving. He didn’t even know where he was going but he wanted the head start.
“Hey man, what’s up?”
“I need Sabrina’s number.”
“Umm… okay--”
“Jill has it, right?”
“Oh, yeah. Let me ask.”
A moment later he rattled off a number and David repeated it over and over in his mind.
“Are you driving?”
“Yeah. Gotta go.”
He hit the disconnect button and then repeated the number out loud for the phone to call. It went to voice mail.
Shit.
He was at the red light in front of the park. Which way did he go? Why hadn’t he bothered to get her information when he’d had the chance. Fuck, he was a stubborn ass.
“Dial Teo.”
“Was that the wrong number?”
“No. Got her voicemail. I need to see her right now. Like right now. Does Jill know where she’s staying?”
There was a long pause as Teo relayed the information. They must have understood the urgency in his voice.
“Pull over. I’m texting you her address.”
Not for the first time, David thanked God for giving him such good friends.
But he kept his prayers brief, thanked Teo, and pulled over where he could safely read the text.
Less than ten minutes later he was pulling up outside an old mill that’d been converted into apartments. His blood thundered in his ears. He hadn’t felt like this since his last mission with the SEALs. Every moment,
