The next entry was also from August.
Is it possible for your life to end before it begins? David moved out today. Moved away. He’s across town in his fancy new house. He called me, and I tried to sound happy for him.
I am happy for him.
I just miss him already.
David ran a hand over his cropped hair. He felt like a voyeur.
But Sabrina’d been adamant. Somewhere in these pages was the key to her past, the answer to his questions. She’d been steadfast about that.
So, he pressed on. Through what, by all accounts, was a rough high school experience. He could feel the desperation in her words as the years passed. Felt her confusion as hormones took their toll. Was surprised by her crush on him.
How well she’d kept that hidden. He’d never suspected there was more behind her smile than friendship and affection.
Her home situation had grown bleak, bleaker by the month, it seemed. Her father had lost his job during their sophomore year, then he’d left them.
Why hadn’t she told him?
He’d thought he’d known everything, but she was right. Once he’d moved to the nice side of town, he’d stayed there.
But who could blame him? He’d been a kid himself.
Guilt needled him. He should have checked on her more. Those quick glimpses in the halls where he’d told himself he was so busy, and she’d assured him she understood.
And there it was.
I told David I have a big art project due. He seemed relieved. I feel guilty for lying to him, but I can’t take the snide comments from his menagerie anymore. Leslie never misses an opportunity to needle me.
I gained two more pounds. Mom says we can’t afford new clothes. Not like they’re new anyway. They’re always secondhand crap from the Tumbleweed.
I’ve been thinking about getting a job, but I’m not sure what I’d be good at. Drawing isn’t going to come in handy at McDonalds. It’s not like the library is hiring.
David read faster, his heart breaking for the young woman spilling her heart onto the pages.
It’d been too easy to get wrapped up in his own life, to let their friendship slide. They’d told each other everything as kids. Maybe it’s because they’d been so close in age or perhaps because their interests had been practically identical.
He tried to remember their conversations in high school. Surely, they’d spoken on the phone.
But these entries made him realize just how much his absence had affected Sabrina. He’d played the field and she’d burrowed deeper into her shell.
And when he had showed her attention, she’d paid the price. The girls he’d called friends had been ruthless.
How had he not seen it?
David held his breath as he approached the date of their date. Already he felt sick. Sure, there’d been bright moments. Winning an art competition their senior year and having her work displayed at the local gallery. But mostly, her words were filled with loneliness.
I had the best night ever. You’ll never believe who showed up at the front gate driving a brand-new truck. It’s gorgeous. Black as a stallion and big. I think I’ll be a Ford fan for life. But that’s not the best part.
David took me to the fair. Like a date.
A real date.
I still feel like I dreamed it, but he won me a bear in the shooting game. It’s white with a red heart on its tummy. He’s so sweet. The whole night was amazing.
He bought me dinner. Ribs. Our favorite. I still think he’s weird for loving mustard sauce more than sweet and spicy, but I’ll forgive him.
It was so nice having him all to myself for hours. No parents, no siblings, no snarky girls from school. Just him and me and funnel cake.
Gosh, I don’t need the extra fat, but I couldn’t say no.
And when he brought me home and all the lights were out, he insisted on walking me to the door. Mom was at work and Roger hasn’t been around for weeks.
He looked like he wanted to kiss me. I wish he had. Like more than anything else in the entire world. I wonder why he didn’t. But he said he’d call me.
Her enthusiasm brought him back to that night. After he’d moved across town, girls had started throwing themselves in his direction. He’d dated plenty of them. But that trip to the fair with Sabrina had changed everything.
Suddenly, thirteen years of friendship were confusing. He remembered watching her laugh as the Ferris wheel had whooped through the sky. If he had to guess, he’d spent two thousand days of his life with her, but he felt like that was the first time he’d really seen her.
That night had reminded him of his childhood friend who’d held nothing back. They’d gotten lost in the moment. And he’d fallen for her somewhere between the rib shack and the skeet shooting booth.
He blew out a sigh and closed his eyes, reliving those moments. Torture as it was, knowing what happened next.
Except, he didn’t know.
He quickly flipped the page. Unlike the previous page, the purple ink on this one was smeared and spattered.
It was marked the Sunday after their date.
He remembered calling her that day. She’d been doing her chores, had two new books from the library.
She’d told him how much she’d enjoyed herself the night before and thanked him again for buying her dinner. There’d been no awkwardness between them, they simply picked up where they’d left off. He’d breathed a sigh of relief. Even as a horny eighteen-year-old he’d known that she was special, their friendship was rare. He didn’t want to mess anything up.
Last night I was on top of the world and today I’m in the valleys of hell. I went walking on the beach today. Well, I was going to. I was on the dunes when I heard his laugh.
No one laughs like
