“Love me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from either of you, but you refuse to give it. Why? Why am I so bad? Why doesn’t anyone love me?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You can’t even say it, can you?”
“Say what?”
“That you love me.” A tear slides down my cheek and drips onto my hospital gown.
“You’re being silly.” She fusses with my blanket, ignoring my question. Blowing off my feelings as though they don’t matter. That I don’t matter. I’ve never mattered in her eyes, and I never will.
“Mom?”
“What?”
“I’d like you to leave.”
“Excuse me?” her brow crinkles revealing the lines etched on her forehead.
The doctor enters the exam room before I can argue with her. “Hello, Miss Neville.” He flips a paper on my chart and smiles at me. “I see you’ve had stitches. Your bloodwork all came back good. You have a mild concussion, but nothing to be concerned about. Everything seems normal with your pregnancy.”
Flames lick up the back of my neck. My mother’s hand goes to her clavicle. I have no doubt if she were wearing pearls, she’d be clutching them now. “Did you say pregnancy?”
He looks to my mother who appears on the verge of passing out. “And who are you?”
“Her mother.” Her head snaps in my direction. “You’re pregnant,” she hisses the word as though it’s toxic.
“Seems so.”
“Is it by that wretched Todd? I knew it. I knew this would happen.” She shakes her head, muttering under her breath about how wicked I am.
“Do you have someone here to drive you home and to look after you?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I don’t see any reason to keep you any longer. You’re a very lucky girl.” He hands me my release papers and exits.
“Your father will have a coronary. I don’t know why you continue to pull these stunts.”
I ease off the bed. I’m sore and bruised. I’ve been here for hours. All I want is to crawl into my bed, pull the covers over my head, and hope that when I wake up this was all some horrible nightmare.
After I change back into my clothes, Nickel is waiting for me, and I’m grateful. I thought my mom showing up might be a good thing for our relationship, but I was mistaken. She’s never going to change. The woman will never see me as anything other than an inconvenience and a failure.
“What are you doing getting yourself twisted up with biker trash? He’s not the father, is he?”
“No, Mother. He’s a friend of Ruthie and James. You know the people who’ve done nothing but take care of me since you and Dad put me out. You don’t even know them.”
“I know enough. They’ll only drag you down with them. There’s no hope for you. You’re a lost little girl who can’t see she’s destroying her life. You’ll ruin everything in your path, including your bastard baby.”
“Hey, lady,” Nickel snarls. “Watch your tongue or I’ll cut it out your mouth after your husband watches you suck my dick.” He grabs his crotch, and I don’t know who appears more mortified her or the nurse who just overheard the exchange.
“Well, I’ve never. Don’t call me again, Alexa.”
“I won’t,” I whisper to her back.
“You okay?”
“You want the honest answer or the universal fine?”
“Right. I brought a cage so no worries about riding on my bike.” Out in the parking lot Nickel helps me into the cab of his truck. “You want to get food or anything?”
I shake my head. “I can’t think about food right now. How are you so calm?”
“I figure it like this. Death is a natural part of life, but my being upset right now won’t help or change anything. What I can do is what my Prez asked of me and that was to make sure you were good and have what you need. I compartmentalize shit.”
“Can I see him?”
“Got orders to take you to your apartment and stay as long as you need me to. I’m sure you can understand that Ruthie is losing her shit and your man ain’t in the headspace for anything or anyone right now. That includes you.”
I nod. It’s probably for the best I don’t see him or Ruthie for that matter right now. Because once I do, he will hate me forever.
Chapter Twenty-one
“This is nice, isn’t it? Just the two of us like old times.” Ruthie smiles over the brim of her wine glass before taking a hearty sip.
“I don’t know what fucked up fantasy you’ve been living in, but this has never been us. If this were like old times, we’d be having takeout pizza and sitting on crates while Rochelle played with her blocks.”
“Don’t be a sourpuss. We’ve come so far. Our little girl is growing up. You’re the Prez now. Everyone looking up to you. I’m the envy of all the other Old Ladies. They’re all jealous of us you know. We finally have it all. Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.”
“Maybe if I wasn’t spending all my time cleaning up all the shit deals your father made. And the chaos he left in his wake. The shit he did to not only Alexa but other members of the club. Was fucking their wives in front of everyone to humiliate them. Had a brother bring his Old Lady to me and promised if she disappointed me, I could have his sister and daughter too.”
“He what?”
“You heard me. So no its not all fun.”
“Did you fuck her?”
“What are you gonna do if I did?”
She stabs her fork into her steak, cutting the meat quickly.
“Cat got your tongue?”
“I don’t want to fight. Have you given anymore thought to a son now?”
“You think I want another kid? Think I want to bring a son into this fucked up club and hope he fills my boots one day?”
“It’s what you’re supposed to do. You have a status to uphold.”
“Don’t tell me what I’m supposed to do. Coming here
