The deputy told the Prospect manning the gate that he needed to speak to me. After being told that the law was outside and asking for me, I went outside and walked over to the officer. I couldn't think of any reason why he would want to speak with me. I hadn't done anything to be in trouble over. I didn't have a clue he was about to destroy my whole world. It's a day that I will never forget, even if I live to be one hundred.
“Can I help you, sir?” I asked the officer.
“Are you Thomas Alan Brown, husband to Beth Lillian Brown.”
“I am. Is something wrong, officer?”
“Mr. Brown, I regret to inform you that your wife was involved in a car crash roughly two hours ago. Her car was totaled, and she didn't make it.”
I staggered back like I was drunk. What the fuck was he saying?
“What?” was all I could get out.
“Son, I really hate to give you this news. Your wife is dead. By the time she was cut out of the wreckage, there was nothing that could be done for your wife and unborn child.”
“No,” I whispered, staring at the officer. “No, God, No.” But I saw the truth written across his face.
“I'm sorry, son, I truly am,” the deputy said to me.
I dropped to my knees and threw my head back and screamed, “Noooooooooooo.” Then I just lost it and started sobbing uncontrollably.
I hadn't even realized that anyone else had come outside with me. I felt arms go around me and my dad held me and rocked me back and forth saying, “I'm so fucking sorry, Dog. So sorry.”
I heard Gunny scream in horror and disbelief, echoed by Julie's scream of pain. I don't remember much after that. It's like my mind just checked out, kinda like my heart had done, except it had been ripped from my fucking chest to leave me this shredded shell of a man.
“Fuck, Beth, when the officer told me you were gone, I thought my world had ended. And it almost did. I almost ate a bullet a couple hours after I was told the news. But then, your mom brought Beau to me.”
I didn't fucking know where I was until Beau crawled up in my lap.
“Daddy sad?”
I shook my head and looked around; I was sitting in a chair in the Great Room of the Clubhouse. I looked down at my son and hugged him tight to me.
I tried to talk but couldn't get anything out. I coughed and cleared my throat.
“Yeah, buddy. Daddy's sad.”
“What's wrong, Daddy?”
God. Damn. How the fuck do I tell my three-year-old son his mom is gone?
“Well, buddy. Daddy got some really bad news.” I started crying, I couldn't fucking help it.
“Daddy's crying. What's making you cry, Daddy?”
I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder. I looked up to see my parents and Beth's parents standing beside me. It was Gunny's hand on me, trying to offer comfort, when I could clearly see how obviously devastated he was. Our parents’ faces were wrecked with sorrow.
I blew out a breath, “Well, buddy. Mommy got hurt really bad and the angels came and took her to Heaven.”
Beau sat on my lap and stared at my face. I knew he was seeing the devastation of grief upon it.
“What about baby Sissy, Daddy?”
I heard Beth's mother choke on a sob. Then I heard both her and my mom quietly crying.
“Well, buddy. God didn't want mommy to be lonely, so the angels took Sissy with Mommy so she would always have someone with her.”
“I stay here with Daddy?”
“Yeah, Beau. You'll stay here with Daddy.”
“K, Daddy,” he said to me, then he stuck his thumb in his mouth. All I could do was sit and hold him. It was only a couple minutes before he spoke to me again.
“Daddy?”
“Yeah, son?”
“How long is Mommy gonna be in Heaven?”
Christ. She's never coming back. My Beth was never coming back to me. A sob from deep within my soul ripped out of me.
“Buddy, Mommy is staying in Heaven forever.
“Daddy,” he said on a sob.
“What, son?”
“Really, really gonna miss Mommy.”
God. Fucking. Damn. I wanted to howl in anger, rage and despair.
“Yeah, me too, buddy. Daddy's really, really gonna miss Mommy too.”
Then I just sat and held my son while I cried. He wrapped his arms around my neck, put his head on my shoulder, and cried with me. I hoped he wouldn't remember much of this, at least I prayed to God he wouldn't.
The next several days went by in a blur. I honestly don't remember the funeral other than standing in front of Beth's casket knowing that my whole world was about to be lowered into the ground. Besides being there for Beau, I pretty much checked out for the next month or so. It was a conversation that I overheard that snapped me back into the living.
“Sarge, wanna find that man that killed my baby, then I wanna kill the motherfucker.”
“I agree, Brother, but let's see what kind of man he is. We don't want to take a father away from his family.”
“Why the fuck not?” I roared, finally coming out of my stupor. “He fucking took my family away from me. I want him to pay. Pay for killing Beth. Pay for destroying my whole world. My wife and child are gone. Dead. Never to return, Sarge. I want his fucking ass in the ground. I don't care who he leaves behind.”
Gunny was nodding at me. Sarge grimaced, then nodded at me too.
“Alright, son, let me find out all the information I can on him then we'll deal with him.”
“Beth, not sure what you would think about what I did.
