Lakki just shook her head. Dee said, “Hang around with this crew for long, and all your ideas of what’s normal just fade away.”
Lakki replied, “I’m beginning to see that. You really don’t have to be rich to own a ton of walnuts where you’re from?”
I said, “Not at all. The trees grow anywhere they like the weather.”
“Then why don’t they grow on Oak?”
“We’re not at all convinced they won’t. From what we’ve heard so far, it seems like there are a group of people who decided they could make a lot of money by keeping walnuts scarce. They sabotaged all the efforts to grow them on your planet, and spread the rumor that they just wouldn’t grow there.”
“You mean they create artificial shortages, just to keep the prices high?”
“That’s how it seems to us.”
Jane said, “That’s why all those ships are coming after us. The walnut cartel has influence in the military, and they are making sure those ships get ordered to come here and try to take us out.”
Lakki replied, “You’re making how I got caught make a lot more sense. I had broken the security on a walnut broker’s computer, and threatened to put his data out in public if he didn’t pay me a ransom. The next thing I knew, I was caught and in the military. I hadn’t ever connected the two things before.”
Dee said, “Now you know. I suppose you’re willing to help us take them down?”
“I believe the phrase you monkeys use is ‘You betcha!’. Now that I have a personal grudge, I’m even more motivated to help out.”
Jane said, “That’s our Bob, stirring up trouble wherever he goes.”
Nikki replied, “Yep. Funny how things always seem better when he gets done, though.”
Dee said, “He is odd, that way.”
Dingus said, “He’s odd in a lot of ways, but he’s our Captain, and he’s brought us through safe so far.”
Jane replied, “You’ve got that right. I’m glad it’s him sitting in the big chair.”
John said, “If you would have told me all this a year ago, I never would have believed it. Bob turns out to be the best starship captain around? No way I would have thought that was possible.” Lakki had been watching people talking about me, and my reaction. She sounded amazed when she said, “You really don’t mind that they talk about you that way, do you?”
I asked, “Am I supposed to?”
“You’re the Captain. Aren’t you supposed be respected, not mocked?”
I asked, “Dee, do you mind taking this one? I’m not sure I know how to put it so she’ll understand.”
“Sure, Bob. He doesn’t mind us talking about him that way, because he knows that it means that we know that he is doing everything he can to keep the ship running smooth. Being able to joke with one another is a sign of close friendship in our culture. If we were to stop, he would know he had done something to hurt our feelings.”
Lakki said, “Now I’m the one who has to change her assumptions. Among my people, that kind of thing would be a sign of disrespect, and the Captain would be in danger of being replaced.”
John said, “There’s no danger of that. Nobody here wants his job. Too many headaches.”
Lakki said, “You don’t want to be in charge, Mr. Branham?”
“No, Ma’am, I do not. I’ve seen the crap Bob has had to lead us through. He may not do it by the book, but we’re all still here to razz him about it. That’s a lot better than most folks could have done.”
Dingus spoke up. “He sure isn’t the kind of Captain you read about in the textbooks, but he gets the job done, and gets back with all his crew. There ain’t a whole lot else you could ask of a Captain.”
I said, “I don’t know where they get all these crazy ideas, but they seem to think I’m the one who needs to sit in the big chair. Some days I wish I could get one of them to take it, but they never will.”
We were saved from any more deep thoughts by Sally’s voice on the intercom. “Captain to the bridge, ass-ape. Captain to the bridge, please.” I dove for the transit, and it opened just as I got there. I barely had time to catch my balance before the doors opened again. I ran to the bridge, hollering, “As you were”, as I ran through the door.
“Report!” Sally said, “Multiple FTL exits, Boss. All of them look like Squirrels.”
“I have the conn. Get all the fighters we still have on board ready to launch. Ruth, get ready to run Death Blossom on them. Tex, I want them all in reset. Launch drones once we are in range. Get whatever bots we have that can fit in their ships down to the landing bay, and get them some transport.”
I strapped into my chair while Sally said, “Your ship, Boss. Scrambling fighters. Boarding crews on their way.”
Tex said, “Charge levels set, ready to engage targets, Boss.”
Ruth was last in with, “Course is ready, Boss.”
Topper said, “You have the intercom, Boss.”
“We are about to face multiple hostile vessels. Prepare for immediate maneuvering. Best of luck to all of you.”
I cut my finger across my throat. Topper nodded. “Ruth, light them up.” The main screen showed flashes of five different ships, before it steadied out. Tex said, “Drones away, Boss.” One sharp-eyed gunner tried to kill a drone, but Tex got his turret first. Sally said, “Fighters standing by, Boss.”
“Let’s see what their next move is, first.”
Topper said, “Incoming, Boss.”
“Onscreen.”
Once again, I was reminded I needed to institute a policy of recording these transmissions. This fella called me things I hadn’t even thought of. Once
