He sighed. “I’m sorry about that, love. I tried to let it go, to let you find your own way, but when I got this bloody diagnosis, I may have panicked a wee bit. You’re my only granddaughter—I want to see you happy, settled, with someone to take care of you when I’m gone. And I don’t mean financially. I’m talking about your mind, your soul, the things that money can’t help with. You’ve not been truly happy for a while, lass, and I wanted to help.”
“I know, but you can’t force me to love someone.”
“Seems I didn’t have to. You found someone that made you smile. And now I understand it’s over?”
I sighed. “I can’t follow him around while he has this early midlife crisis. I would be willing to move, find a position at a university wherever he is, but from what he’s been saying, he doesn’t even know what he wants to do, much less where he’s going to be.”
“So you ended it?”
“We kind of mutually ended it. I think I hurt his feelings a bit, but I didn’t know what else to do. I’d be willing to compromise, but it doesn’t feel like a compromise—it feels like he wants me to give up everything I’ve worked for to be with him. And it’s not fair. I know you think I should stay home and make babies, but I’m a scientist, and frankly, it shouldn’t have to be all or nothing.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
I blinked. “You…what?” I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right.
“I agree. A relationship is full of compromise, but no one should give up everything. However, what I disagree with, is that the two of you just ended it without at least trying to come up with a plan. Dax is a good man. I was over the moon when I thought the two of you were together. But since you mucked it up, now it feels like I may have to interfere in your life again.”
I smiled sadly. “I don’t know what you can do. Unless you know something I don’t, he literally doesn’t know where he’s going to be at the end of hockey season… Where does that leave me?”
“On sabbatical? Writing a book? Perhaps doing some guest lectures. You still have friends at Harvard, don’t you? You have dozens of options if you let yourself explore some of them.”
“Change is hard,” I whispered. “And what if no one wants me?”
“Isla.” He shook his head. “You’re a brilliant scientist. You’re Harvard-educated, with a Ph.D. Your dissertation was absolutely incredible. Since when are you insecure about your accomplishments?”
I didn’t have an answer to that.
“Isla?”
Great. He wasn’t going to let it go, which meant I actually had to answer him.
“I’m not insecure, so to speak. More that I don’t like to be without a plan, and randomly lecturing here and there, writing a book, things like that are very unorganized.”
“You’re far too young to be so rigid,” he said quietly. “This is one of many reasons I thought I had to meddle in your life in the first place, but if we’re being honest, there’s enough leftover toxic masculinity in my generation to make me feel like I knew what was best for you better than you did. I think I’ve come a long way, but I’m probably not where I need to be either.”
“Toxic masculinity…” I stared at him for a moment and then we both chuckled. “You never fail to amaze me, Granddad. And I understand the generational differences, but nothing you do is going to make me fall in love with a man I simply don’t love.”
“I know that, but you fell in love with a good one, and now it seems like I may have to do something to help things get back on track.”
“There’s nothing you can do,” I said gently, “but you’ve given me something to think about, and I’m going to put out some feelers to see what’s out there. I promise.”
“That’s a good start.” He got to his feet and reached out to squeeze my shoulder before going back inside.
I still hadn’t booked my flight to Las Vegas and one day early in November, Everly called to nag me about it.
“You’re not going to spend Christmas alone,” she said firmly. “Now book your bloody ticket before I sic your brother on you!”
“My brother is rubbing off on you,” I said, laughing at her use of the word “bloody.”
“Probably, but don’t change the subject.”
“I know.” I sighed. “I just don’t know how I’m going to be around Dax through the holidays with us not together anymore.”
“Do you still love him?”
“Of course. Feelings don’t change just because of circumstances.”
“Then maybe it’s time for a Christmas miracle.”
“Oh, not you too,” I said. “My grandfather is threatening to interfere and Ian keeps saying there’s hope.”
“Don’t you want there to be? Hope, I mean?”
“Of course, but with both of us going through professional crises, I don’t know that we can even try until we’ve sorted out some of it.”
“Are you working on some of that?” she asked softly.
“I am. I spoke to one of my professors at Harvard, and he said they’d love to have me come do some guest lecturing about my black hole research, and I have a phone conference this week with someone in the physics department at UNLV.”
“So there is hope.”
“I suppose there is. You mustn’t mention it to anyone, though, not even Ian. I don’t want him to feel like he’s keeping a secret from Dax. Just a few weeks until I get to Vegas and then I’ll talk about everything in person.”
“My lips are sealed. Now, I’m emailing you the flight we’ve all booked to Limaj for the thirtieth of December. You need to get on it.”
I laughed. “I’ll take care of it today.”
We talked for a few more minutes and then disconnected. I was about to
