During the first months in the spotlight, I double-downed on my solitary life, still hoping that when we finally got home, I could at least see Zoey again. Part of me still even thought we could repair our relationship. My emotions vacillated all over the place. Whether on the tour bus, shuttered in my hotel room, or holed up before a show in our dressing room, I channeled all of my pent-up love, hurt, and anger into songs. Songs about my heartbreak and hope about our relationship. Zane and Jace did what they were supposed to do as good-looking, successful, talented rockers; they partied, banged groupies, got drunk, and generally reveled in this new life we now led. Connor remained true to Jen but partied with the others. I showed up only when necessary, and almost never socialized unless forced. I couldn’t bear to look at, let alone touch, another woman no matter how beautiful she was. I was determined to be faithful to Zoey.
Ironically, rather than my reclusiveness hurting the band’s reputation, it supercharged our fame.
None of us could go anywhere without getting mobbed by well-meaning fans who wanted autographs or selfies. It felt invasive and strange, but I was loyal to my bandmates who hadn’t let me fall completely apart, so I played the game. I cringed when people touched me, shouted my name, giggled and pointed, took pictures, or whispered when I walked by. All of it was annoying and scary.
By the time we made it back to Seattle nearly two years later, my heart and head were in a completely different place. I was still brokenhearted, but I was also truly angry. When Carter confessed his role in Zoey’s ghosting, I refused to speak to him. I felt manipulated. Betrayed.
I was furious at Zoey too. How she reacted didn’t make any sense. Didn’t she deem me worthy for even one phone call, one message, one chance to talk through what happened? To save my own sanity, I decided to get closure and put Z in my rearview mirror. My suffering had gone on for far too long.
First, I bought a place to live. With the royalties from our songs lining my pocket, I was able to buy, with cash, a big house on a secluded street in West Seattle overlooking the city and Puget Sound. I’d never have to worry about where I lived again.
Next, I splurged and bought a black Porsche 911 Carrera and sped around the city in my badass ride. Determined to give Zoey a piece of my mind and maybe a little taste of what she was missing, my first stop was her house.
Her dad answered the door.
“Ty, what a surprise! Come on in.” He certainly seemed shocked to see me but welcomed me warmly and showed me into the great room. His kindness took a bit of the vinegar out of the reason for my visit.
“Mr. Pearson, I need to speak with Zoey. I haven’t seen her in two years and I just want to know what happened.” I slumped in the chair that I’d spent so much time in nearly two summers before.
“Hmm. I don’t know, Ty. She didn’t take your breakup well, although she’s always told us that it wasn’t your fault.” He sat across from me, clearly uncertain of how to have this conversation with me.
“I’ll tell you what happened. Carter told her to break up with me for my own good. He was wrong to do that. I’ve tried to contact her, I’ve left hundreds of messages.” My voice cracked.
“Yes, she mentioned that. Tyson, are you okay?”
“No, I’ve never been okay. I just don’t understand why Zoey won’t even talk to me. I loved her and wanted to—” I sighed without finishing, wincing with embarrassment. Her dad wasn’t the right person to have this conversation with, but it was as close as I’d been to Zoey in two years. Suddenly, I didn’t know why I was even here and realized how ludicrous all of this was at this point. What the hell was I doing?
“Zoey’s doing better but it was a long road. She’s convinced that she did the best thing for you. And the band. Her studies take up all of her time. She finished her undergraduate degree in two years. Now she’s waiting to see which law school she’ll attend.” He smiled with a look of unabashed pride on his face. “We’ve always worried about her because she’s so focused on her studies. Too focused when she gets her mind set on something. Now she’s cramming seven years of school into four.”
Oh, I believed it. I had known what it was like to have Zoey’s attention concentrated on me, and it wasn’t something you’d ever forget. It was the loss of the focus that was unbearable.
“Do you think she would talk to me?” I pleaded. “Are you willing to tell me where she is?”
“Ty, it took her a long time to—well—begin to recover,” he replied. “How about this? I will pass your number to her, and we can leave getting in touch with you up to her.”
“Okay, thank you, Mr. Pearson.” I looked him in the eye, while absentmindedly rubbing our initials on the bracelet that I couldn’t bear to take off. “She left without even saying goodbye, I wanted to marry her someday.”
“Ahhh, Ty. You guys are so young. Please don’t beat yourself up, she’s still protective of you to a fault,” he sighed.
“But why?” My voice was raw.
“You already know. Carter convinced her to let you go be a rock star without being chained to her,” he explained.
“She was never a chain.” My voice caught. “Never.”
“Hey, hey. Listen. She’s sincerely happy for your success, we all are.” He patted my hand soothingly. “Carter was wise. Your worlds are not each other’s right now. At this stage in your life, you are both better off working
