I take a deep breath. Bit by bit, I exhale.
I need to adjust to the concept that I am no longer a virgin. I have had sex. In fact, I had sex with an older man. Who is also my landlord.
The landlord part, I’m not that concerned about. I know Nate wasn’t taking advantage of me, and he’s been so respectful for so long, there’s no way he’s been planning this. I know he didn’t give me the apartment in the hopes that we would have sex. I don’t feel like he preyed on me or anything.
When I replay the conversation, I was the one who initiated. I asked for everything that he did to my body. I know I could have stopped it at any time, but I didn’t want to. A smile creeps across my face. Thank God I didn’t stop it. No matter what happens with me and Nate, I’m glad my first time was so positive. So erotic and pleasurable.
It wasn’t awkward either, which I thought was a given with first times.
It’s just this part that is awkward. I know a lot of people, especially college students my age, will hook up with someone on the weekend and then act like it never happened when they see each other that morning in the cafeteria.
I wonder if that’s what Nate expects. This will just be a memory, a secret episode that will fade as we resume a normal landlord-tenant relationship.
Or maybe he wants this to be a habit. Maybe he wants to swing by every now and then to have a repeat performance. I don’t know how I feel about that. On the one hand, my stomach thrills at the idea of being in bed with him again, but on the other, I don’t think I’m a casual hook-up type of girl.
I shake my head and exit the bathroom.
I need to figure out what I want before I know how to interact with Nate the next time I see him. I flop on my bed and stare at my ceiling.
All of a sudden, the urge to giggle overcomes me. I clap my hands over my mouth as I laugh.
Just a few hours ago, I thought this was the worst day. Nothing was going right, and I was grumpy.
And now...well, it hasn’t been such a bad day after all.
Chapter Ten
Nate
By ten at night, I have a crick in my neck from turning to look across the driveway to try and see Cynthia’s apartment. Every few minutes, I feel the need to check if her lights are still on, or if she’s moving about. I can’t see the window to her bedroom or anything sketchy like that. Just the window to her living room.
The light is on, but nothing much seems to be happening.
I force myself to retreat to my own bedroom on the other side of the house. I don’t want to be this creepy guy, trying to catch a glance of her in her private space.
I almost turned around and went back into her apartment as soon as I left. She said she wanted space, and I respect that, but I also don’t want her to be alone after such an intense event.
She looked so uncertain and young as I said goodbye. She wasn’t unhappy or scared per se, but her mind was clearly whirring. Of course it was. She just lost her virginity to her landlord who’s twice her age.
I run my fingers through my hair and collapse into my bed. I know I won’t fall asleep easily, not tonight.
I keep thinking if I should text or call, but I don’t want to bother her. Cynthia is the type who likes her alone time. She needs to mull over what happened, maybe talk it out with a friend.
Although I don’t relish the idea of what some college friend is going to say to her about sleeping with an old man like me.
My stomach churns at the thought. Cynthia had sex with me, and yes, I was her first, but she’s young and free. She could easily decide to sow her wild oats. Which of course, I support.
But even so. I want her in my bed, not in the dorm bed of some college guy who won’t even know how to fuck her right.
My shoulders are tense just at the thought.
I don’t do relationships. I don’t really go on dates, and I don’t believe in or want anything long-term. But I’m still a man. I’m still affected by what just happened between me and Cynthia.
It was amazing, and I want more. I wanted more as soon as it was over. While she was dozing, I was tempted to wake her up by kissing her and touching her, but I resisted that urge. I knew she would want some time to process what happened.
I can give her time. But I don’t think I can give her up. I’ve fantasized about her, and today I got a taste of her. She’s like a drug that’s worked its way into my system.
I can’t even think about the divorcee I was considering hooking up with now. Not after what Cynthia and I just shared.
I let out an involuntary shiver as I remember how she called me Daddy. I’ve done role play before, but not that specific scenario. I’ve never had sex with a woman that much younger than me. I liked it though. I liked how much she trusted me, and how she let me have control. In a way, her ceding control seemed to allow her to let go of all her fears and inhibitions and enjoy it.
In my arms, Cynthia was different. She didn’t seem in her head or like she was overthinking. She just let herself feel and followed my orders.
It was afterwards that she started to think
