“There’s not much to tell,” I say. “I met him online.”
Becca’s lips press together in a frown. I scramble to come up with a story that’s believable but not too weird.
“I just wanted to try a dating website, just to see what’s out there,” I say. “Clearly, I haven’t met anyone here on campus, so I wanted to try other options.”
Becca nods, but I can tell she thinks it’s a little odd and out of character. She has told me for years that college is the best dating app a girl could ask for, but she also knows that I’m not into the college social scene.
“I just didn’t know you were that interested in dating,” Becca says. “Can I see a photo?”
I frown. This lie is getting away from me fast. “I’m not ready to share, it’s so new. Nothing has happened, we’re just chatting a bit. He lives in the city, so it’s not like we can go out anytime soon.”
“I guess that’s kinda romantic.” Becca cocks her head and smiles. “It’s almost old-fashioned, getting to know each other at a distance.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I say. “We’ll see where it goes.”
“And then you’ll meet up in New York and bang,” Becca declares triumphantly.
I shrug and give her a smile. “We’ll see.”
“Ok, you have to give me some details,” Becca says. “I’m dying with curiosity here.”
“Well, he works in software.” I decide to get back to something resembling the truth. “And he’s really nice and smart.”
“And hot?” Becca asks.
I don’t even need to answer. The blush that stains my cheeks tells Becca everything she needs to know. She lets out another squeal of excitement, but I feel a twinge of unease in my stomach. I thought it would be a good idea to give Becca something to get her off my back, but I’ve never told such a bald-faced lie to my friend before.
I didn’t just leave out a few details, like the loss of my virginity. I also fabricated an entire scenario in which I created an online dating profile for myself. Which is seriously something I would never do, and Becca should know that. Maybe she’ll question it more later, but at least for now, she’s excited enough at the faint prospect of romance for me to push it aside.
As we approach the coffee shop, I give Becca a nudge with my shoulder.
“Could we not talk about this in front of Tommy?” I ask. “I just don’t want to make it a big deal.”
Becca nods and pats my arm. “You’re right, Tommy won’t like this.”
“What do you mean?” I furrow my brow.
“Come on, Cyn,” Becca says. “Don’t play dumb, Tommy has been crushing on you all year, it’s obvious.”
I look down at the ground. Becca can accuse me of playing coy all she wants, I’m still not sure about that. Tommy is my friend and has been for ages. Yes, over the last year I’ve noticed his behavior towards me has changed, but it’s been nothing obvious, as Becca makes it sound.
Tommy is quiet and passive. He would never make a move, not without me encouraging it. And I have never encouraged it.
“Ok, well, just forget about this whole thing,” I say. “Please?”
“My lips are sealed,” Becca says with a wink.
We stroll into the coffee shop, and Tommy waves at us from a table in a corner.
Becca and I set our stuff down, and then go order our drinks. It’s a familiar routine. Every semester, the three of us meet up here in between classes to chat and study.
Today, it feels stale. For so long, I’ve stuck to my routine. Last night, I broke from it. I behaved in a totally new and spontaneous way. Now, it’s strange and dissatisfying to go back to the routine as if nothing happened.
“You ok?” Tommy asks. “You’ve been staring at the same page in your book for the last ten minutes.”
I glance over at him. Tommy is tall and lean, and his shoulders are hunched over his own books as he examines me across the table.
From her own seat, Becca just raises one eyebrow and buries her face deeper in her studying. I know it’s taking all her willpower to not make some comment alluding to my new dating profile.
“I’m good,” I say. “Just a little tired I guess.”
“Have you been having trouble sleeping?” Tommy asks. “Or allergies?”
I give him a reassuring smile. Last spring, I had awful allergies, but this season I’ve been ok. It’s sweet that he remembers. I resist making eye contact with Becca. Maybe Tommy’s feelings for me are a little more obvious than I’m willing to admit.
“No, I’ve been good,” I say. “Just had a weird night and couldn’t fall asleep.”
I turn back to my book and try to look focused. If I can’t actually keep my mind on the reading, then I can at least pretend to do so.
As I flip through the pages, I mull over Tommy. He makes perfect sense as a potential boyfriend. We already have a friendship, we are the same age, and we’re both pre-med students. Everything lines up.
We were genuinely just friends for the first two years of college. Tommy was dating another girl, and he wasn’t close with me and Becca, but in a fully platonic way. We were study buddies, nothing more.
Then he broke up with his girlfriend. After that, the dynamic shifted. He spent more time with us, and more time with me while Becca was off with her various dates.
And yet nothing has ever happened. People, including Becca, have made guesses that we would get together, and we’ve been fast friends for years, but nothing ever came of it. At first, I thought the both of us were just uninterested, but over the last year, Tommy has indicated that he might be interested in dating me. There’s been nothing big or assertive; that’s not Tommy’s style. Just little things. He remembers details about
