Therapists. Eve thought she needed a therapist. Someone she would pay to be her “friend.”
The door came open and Ariel walked in with River right behind her.
The joy she might have felt at seeing her friends was dimmed by her conversation with Eve. Were they really her friends? Or were they Beck’s, trying to get her to do what Beck wanted?
God, she hated this. She hated not trusting anyone. It was an anchor keeping her in the dark, cold water.
“Just think about it,” Eve said, standing and welcoming the newcomers.
Ariel briefly said hello to everyone, but her focus was on Kim. She came and sat down beside her, reaching for her hand. “Hey, I heard they took Levi into custody. Are you okay?”
She had a choice to make with the woman in front of her.
River was on her other side. “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
And the one beside her. Trust. It came so easily to some people. It didn’t to her, but if she never trusted anyone again, how empty would her life be?
Did she want to live in a world where Ariel and River tricked her?
She held Ariel’s hand and leaned her head against River’s shoulder. “I’m okay. I’m relieved it’s over. Now tell me how the trip to the aquarium went.”
River had spent the day showing her sons around Dallas.
She wanted to think about pleasant things.
Because she feared if she let the darkness in, it would swallow her up.
* * * *
Beck glanced down at Kim. She was doing and saying all the right things, but there was a distance that worried him. They were standing in front of Sanctum’s main stage, watching a scene play out in front of them. Simon Weston was flogging his wife. The big Brit was graceful as he moved the heavy flogger over Chelsea’s back and legs.
“She started with BDSM because she found it helped her deal with the chronic pain in her legs,” he whispered. “Maybe we should try it. One of the things that kept me up at night the last seven years was wondering who was taking care of your leg.”
She didn’t look at him but kept her voice low in deference to the scene in front of them. “Ezra recommended a TENS unit. I use it a couple of times a week. I probably need to buy another one, but I’m fine. I can handle it.”
He moved behind the crowd, gently taking her hand and urging her to come with him. When they were far enough away, he stopped. “I don’t want you to be in pain.”
“I told you. It’s fine.”
“I can get a TENS.” He was actually pretty sure there were several right here in the building.
A blank smile came over her. “Sure. That would be great.”
God, she was so fucking far from him. And all because he’d fucked up this afternoon.
No. It went so much deeper, but they couldn’t get through it if she wouldn’t talk about it. And it was obvious that she didn’t want to talk.
“Let’s go up to a privacy room.”
She simply nodded and followed when he started for the stairs.
She was so fucking gorgeous in the sapphire-colored corset and boy shorts he’d picked for her. Her legs looked a mile long in the stilettos he’d chosen. She loved shoes, and he hated that she’d had to leave them all behind. She walked gracefully in them, like she’d been born wearing the damn things though he knew it was likely something she’d had to learn.
Kim had to learn lots of things. She’d had to learn that she couldn’t depend on anyone but herself. He’d had a hand in teaching her that lesson, and it was up to him to teach her something else.
That he would never leave her. That he would always love her.
Tag nodded his way as they made it to the stairs that would lead them up to the privacy rooms. It was a gesture that let him know Tag understood how hard this was going to be on both of them.
Did he have any right to push her the way he was going to? Should he simply follow her around until she figured out he wasn’t going anywhere and let him back in her heart?
The trouble was he wasn’t sure she would. He wasn’t sure she wouldn’t run the first chance she got, and then he would be out. He knew she wouldn’t keep Roman from him, and her moving back to Europe wouldn’t be about making things hard on him. All those moves would be about protecting herself.
He needed her to understand that she needed no protection from him. Not anymore.
He led her upstairs. The dungeon monitor let them onto the floor where the privacy rooms were located. He was a big guy who manned the floor that held five privacy rooms. Beck hadn’t been up here to play. This afternoon had been his first visit since he’d taken the original tour. He’d been struck by the sign on the monitor’s desk.
Carpe Noctem.
Seize the Night.
That was what he was planning on doing. Seize the night so he and Kim could have all their days together.
It was quieter on the third floor, the thud of the music now a distant thing. The minute the door closed on the room he’d selected, he felt the heavy weight of being alone with her.
This would either work or she would hate him more than she did now.
He didn’t want to live in a world where she hated him.
“Did you like the scenes we watched?” Beck checked the tray he’d prepped earlier, making sure he hadn’t missed anything.
“I did. The rope was pretty. I don’t know that my arms could be in that position for long though.” She walked around the room, running her hand over the wood of the St. Andrew’s Cross. This particular room was decorated for heavier scenes. “Are all the rooms the
