"I promise I will leave you alone afterwards. I won't even look at you again if you wish it. Come on, you have nothing to lose."
"I only kiss the person I love. It isn't a game. Kisses are real."
"Then make it a friend kiss."
"There is no such thing. A kiss is a kiss no matter what you try to call it."
He moved in front of me quickly and put his hand on the tree near my head.
"Please, may I just kiss your cheek then?" His voice cracked and I couldn’t believe he wanted to kiss me that much. Like his life depended on it. It was ridiculous. Then, I stared into his eyes and found myself growing hot. Heart beating fast. Fine, if he promised to leave me alone. Fine. If he promised. If it would work. Fine.
I looked down, a mix of weird feelings in my belly. "You may."
He placed his hand on the ground and slowly leaned in. I wanted to run knowing I had made a bad mistake. I felt as though I would be forever haunted by his sad eyes if I had said no and ran off like I wanted to. But now Tom leaned in, he inched forward. It would be the only time something like this would ever happen. And he was locking it into his memory, every detail. He would relay it in his head and remember it for the rest of his life.
I jerked away, changing my mind, coming to my senses.
But it was too late. His lips were on my cheek and already backing away as he moved his head back in front of mine. What was he thinking? He stopped. Just staring. Something was keeping him there but what?
Instead of pulling away he came back and stopped as our noses met.
He blinked, swallowing hard. Then, it happened so quickly that before I could react, pull away, yell at him, he pushed his lips against mine.
I thrusted my hands against his chest and pushed him back.
He stared at the ground. I stared at him and breathing heavy. He couldn't face me. He moved his hand from my knee, swallowing.
I was furious. I slapped him across his face and sped away with watery eyes.
I didn't like how it felt. What he did. My emotions. The knots in my stomach. I ran, though I was weak, across the meadow and towards home. On the way, I met Sarah.
"I've been searching everywhere for you."
"I'm sorry. I fell asleep by the tree."
"No, I mean last night. What happened?"
I touched my forehead and stared at the ground. "I am so sorry, Sarah. Really. I forgot all about you. I wasn't feeling sick, please forgive me." I knew I was a horrible friend. I was letting everything get to me. I needed help. I needed someone to talk to. I couldn’t keep what was going on bottled inside anymore. I was ready to tell Sarah but just as I began, her mother came outside.
"Oh, I see you found her."
Sarah smiled. "Yes. Mother said I could stay for a while today if you wanted."
"Of course, I want you to." It was hard squeezing a smile on my face.
"Alright then," Jane said. "Tom and I will be going then. Wait, where is Tom?"
I shrugged.
"Oh well I'll find him. Have fun girls."
Not able to wait a second longer, I grabbed Sarah's arm and led her to the back yard with me.
"LeAnna, what is it? Something is wrong, I know something is wrong."
"Yes, there is something wrong. It's Tom. He has feelings for me Sarah and he just kissed me."
She didn't look surprised. Not at all.
"I know. He talks about you all the time. He's been sad all day, too. He likes you a lot. But really, he kissed you? I didn't expect that. Are you okay?"
"I don't know. I slapped him and ran. I don't know how to feel. I know I don't love him though. I don't even like him. I feel so mad at him!"
"You love Felix, don't you?" Sarah asked.
"Yes, and I miss him so much."
She smiled. "Does he love you too?"
"He asked me to be his girlfriend." I blushed.
She laughed. "I heard him talking to Tom about you once. He seemed to be very fond of you."
I smiled, missing him more.
"There is a problem now though." Her faced turned concerned.
"What is it?"
"Well, Tom and Felix are best friends. They have been for years. But since they both like you a lot, it might cause conflict. And since you are Felix's girl, it would be really bad if Felix found out that Tom kissed you. He doesn't even need to know Tom likes you. This could be a bad thing. I don't know how Felix would take this."
"I don't either." A heavy feeling rushed over my body. Mostly in my heart. It was a weight that hurt. And I wanted more than anything to redo everything that had happened. The future, now, was scary because I didn't know what would happen.
"LeAnna," she began in a low voice. "Maybe this could be kept a secret between us. I don't want any harm to come to my brother. It's not really his fault. He can't help who he falls in love with."
Even thinking about keeping something from Felix made me want to throw up. It didn't feel right. On the other hand, she was right. Tom couldn't help his feelings. But he could learn to control them. And stealing kisses could get him in a heap of trouble.
My mind was made up.
"Okay. But if Felix asks, I don't want to lie to him."
"But what are the chances of him asking? He would have to suspect something first which he won't. Unless Tom acts up."
"Okay then I promise not to tell Felix unless he comes straight out and asks me first."
Chapter 15
Finally Home
I spent that evening reading on the breezy porch. It made me feel calm and at peace. I gazed at the swaying grass. The
