Just then the door squeaked.
"Come in for dinner, " Ella said.
I didn't want to hear those words. My terrible longing for Felix and now the terrible heaviness of a secret had swept my appetite.
"I'm not really hungry." Plus, I wanted to read longer.
Ella was smart. "You can continue reading after dinner."
I shut my book and followed her. She stopped me.
"You've had a rough few days and it's showing. I want you to take it easy and we'll do a checkup in the morning, okay?"
When morning came, I got the news.
"It's exactly what I expected. You've lost five pounds. You're an even one-hundred-pounds." She was frowning when she said it. "LeAnna, your weight needs to go up not down. But it's still fine. If you lose any more, we will have to do something. But for now, make sure you eat all of your meals."
After breakfast, we cleaned the kitchen. She had been taking off from the hospital, but she seemed to be just as busy here at home and I wanted to help her out as much as I could.
She handed me a cup and I dried it and placed it in the cabinet. Her giant smile told me she appreciated my help.
Just then, the phone rang. Ella disappeared and when she came back, she was glowing happy.
"Are they coming home?" I asked.
"Tomorrow," she burst.
Happiness flooded me. I even forgot about the heaviness. And when the next day came, Jason and I waited on the porch. He played with his cars and I read.
"I can't wait to see daddy and Felix." He smiled, looking at me.
"Me either."
It was nearly evening and cool. Jason was bundled in a coat. But I wore my long sleeve. It was becoming that time of year. Each day felt colder than the day before. I figured I would need to purchase some warmer clothes soon.
Suddenly a rumble started of the driveway and then a horn blew.
Jason and I shared a look of excitement and then jumped up.
"Daddy and Felix are home!" He shouted. Ella was already out the front door.
When the truck peeked the top of the hill, my heart was anxiously flipping in my chest. And when it stopped, they hurried out and Ella and Jason ran to meet them. That when I realized my legs wouldn't move. I stood planted. Watching. As if an outsider.
Roger wrapped them in a bear hug and Ella kissed Felix's forehead. She looked back at me and waved.
I felt crazy. Awkward. Like I didn't belong. I moved slowly towards them and Roger pulled me into a hug.
Then I quickly gazed at Felix who was already on his way to me. He hugged me tight, as if to say he would never let go.
The warmth came back. The comfort. Everything I had missed. Everything I needed. Badly.
"I missed you so much," he whispered, backing away.
I smiled. Then we all walked back to the house. Felix was staying glued to me.
"All the boys loved Felix. They were happy he could tag along." Roger led the way to the sweet-smelling dining room. We took out places around the table. Dinner was ready, as if on cue.
As we ate, Roger and Felix relayed their trip, sharing stories that made everyone laugh. I gazed around at the joy on everyone's faces and wondered for a moment if having me there was awkward for them. But I let the though go and finished the rest of my meal.
"Now, Felix," Ella said. "School starts Monday. I hope you've had your fun. And, LeAnna, miss Heather is going to tutor you."
School made me nervous. The kids. The teachers. Feeling dumb. Questions. I didn't like to think about it.
I tried to let it go and focus on the boy sitting across from me. I was so happy to stare at the joyful blue shades in his eyes.
After dinner, Ella and Roger sat together in the living room and Felix and I, finally, could talk.
"Let's go outside," he suggested and gently grabbed my hand. It was the kind of gentle that you could barely feel, but the love was pumping into your blood and making you feel warm inside. I couldn't wash the smile off my face with soap and water.
We walked to my favorite tree as the sun disappeared below the miles of hills.
"I'm happy you're back," I said in a breath.
"Me too. I missed you bad. And I thought about you every moment."
I knew the joy I felt was visible. The air was cool but walking next to Felix warmed me. When we made it to the tree, I sat beside him still holding his hand.
"I miss playing with your hair." He laughed.
I smiled.
"I missed you a lot and I was worried about you too. How was everything for you these past weeks?"
"Okay. I thought of you all the time. But guess what, Sarah helped me with my reading, and she got me a book and made me a friendship bracelet." I held up my wrist. It was getting dim and harder to see but Felix's beautiful eyes were glowing as they stared into mine.
"I love you so much. I loved you when I carried you to the car. And my love only grew as I read to you and watched you sleep."
I smiled; my cheeks were blushing.
"I was scared of you a little at first, but I felt secure when you were there."
He turned. "I've been thinking about something for about two weeks now."
"What's that?"
"I've been thinking about how I would kiss you."
Now my face was burning. I gazed down.
"May I?"
I looked at him, searching his face, and then saying, "Yes."
He didn't wait. He touched my shoulder and leaned in. Only to stop.
"Anna, you're skinnier."
I sighed. "Yes, I know."
"How much do you weigh?"
"One-hundred."
"I don't want you getting sick."
"I won't. Ella's making sure I eat more and every night before bed I drink a glass
