"It's beautiful," I said.
The sun made shadows of the trees, casting their reflections across the water.
Felix led me to a rock, a huge rock that was jagged and smooth at the tip of the water. I sat.
"I know. It reminds me of you."
I felt my face change colors and I looked away.
"LeAnna, you're very special to me. Every time we touch, I – I feel like we belong."
I didn't know what to say. No one had ever said anything like that to me before.
He sat next to me and gazed into my eyes. Slowly, he leaned in until his lips touched mine.
I jerked away. I jumped up.
My stomach tingled, a weird tingle. A strange tingle.
I cried. And for the first time I ran. I ran out the entrance. I ran far. But he caught up to me and grabbed my arm.
"Stop, please. It was just a kiss."
I pulled my arm away. "But I didn't want it. I don't deserve it."
He grabbed my shoulder firmly. "Don't ever say that. You deserve the world!"
"You don't know me! I've never been to school, I don't know how to read, I can't swim, or even write my own name. My stepfather said I deserve nothing. And that I'm worthless. Find someone who deserves you, Felix. Someone who is beautiful and smart and can read with you."
I cried hard. I turned to leave, to run away, to disappear. But my head felt heavy and I fainted.
I awoke on my bed and Ella was patting my cheeks with a cold compress.
"How are you feeling, darling?"
"I'm okay." I slowly sat up. I felt sad. I adored Felix. But he deserved better.
Ella helped me off the bed and I followed her to the kitchen where dinner filled the air.
I sat at the dining room table, the one that was longer and had more chairs around it. Roger and Jason were already seated. But Felix wasn't there.
Once Ella sat, I asked, "Where is Felix?"
"He's spending the night with Tom. Remember him?"
I nodded and after we prayed, we ate.
Afterwards, I made myself comfortable on the couch and watched Jason. He pushed cars across the carpet and around my feet.
"You look like a flower," he said, pausing to look at me. "A really skinny one."
I didn't think that was a compliment, but he meant it to be. He kept talking but I didn't hear them. My mind kept replaying the scene by the pond and I could still feel his lips. It made my stomach twist.
That night, I had a bad dream and I wished Felix was there to read to me. So, I did my best by myself.
After breakfast the next morning, I walked to my favorite tree and kept my mind on the present. My past was sad, and it scared me. I wouldn't think about it anymore.
I rested my eyes for a while I heard someone coming. It was Felix, he was topping the first hill.
He was holding something.
"Hey," I said.
"Hi," he replied. He moved the object away from his body. "I want to teach you to read and write."
I smiled as I gazed at the notebook and pen. "Really? You want to teach me?"
"Sure. It will give you a head start before school starts."
Doubt filled me. It reminded me who I was and that I could never learn.
"What if I can't learn?"
"Then you just can't. But I know you can, you're very smart."
I sighed. "I wish that were true, Felix."
"It is. If only you'd believe me. I know it's hard after what you've been through. But you are so special."
The lessen began. He taught me how to pronounce and write simple words, easy words, small words. The next day, he taught me how to spell his name. It made me happy. It gave me hope.
"Felix," I said, as we were enjoying lunch on the porch. "How old are you?"
"Sixteen," he replied.
I was learning everything I could about him so I could hold them dear. But soon, all of that would change. Betrayal. Abandonment. And nightmare were sure to come.
After dinner, I walked out of my room and heard low voices in the kitchen.
"Be careful, Felix. She could hurt you. And keep Jason away from her."
My heart was in my throat. And it was breaking, shattering. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"I know. I will be."
"The sooner we get her off our property the better."
I knew they didn't really want me, I said inwardly. They have been pretending.
I cried, running back to my bed unable and unwilling to hear any more of what they had to say about me. I pulled the covers over my head feeling crushed. I was unwanted.
My stepfather was right.
"I'm not wanted," I said sadly.
That night I crept from my room depressed. I wanted to stay, I wished I could. But if I didn't go now, they would throw me out later. Which would be much more painful.
I snuck out the front door and slowly went down the stairs. When I touched the ground, I heard the front door open.
I jerked around. It was Felix.
"Where are you going?" He whispered.
I turned and continued walking.
He jumped off the porch and caught up to me. "Stop."
I turned, crying. "I'm making things better for you and your family."
"Stop. That's doesn't make sense."
"It does! And you better stay away from me. I heard what Ella said. She said I might hurt you."
It happened quickly. His expression changed and for a moment, it looked like he was holding in a laugh. My anger grew when I saw that. It meant he didn't care. He thought I was a joke.
"I thought you cared!" I stormed.
"I do! You got it all wrong. Moma was talking about the racoon we trapped out back."
At first, I was
