It might have been easier if he’d actually come out of the woods and spoken to his son, but warlocks were an odd bunch.
“Mmkay,” Fabio said, sitting up straighter in his chair in an attempt to look professional and sincere. “Is lying acceptable or would that be a problem for you?”
“Are you serious?” Zach asked, squinting at Fabio.
“Of course not,” Fabio insisted, laughing way too hard. “I was joking… kind of.”
“Did you procure it… umm… legally?” I asked with a wince, trying to help Fabio out.
“Interesting you should ask… Could you define legal?” Fabio inquired politely, looking like he was constipated.
“Again,” Zach said, tilting his head and examining Fabio like he was a science experiment gone wrong. “Are you serious?”
Fabio expelled a long breath, propped his elbows on the table and rested his forehead in his hands. “Unfortunately, yes,” he muttered sadly with his face hidden. “I’m not the father you may have dreamed of, Zach. I’m not exactly responsible parental material. However, I want it to be very clear I had no clue I’d knocked up your rancid excuse of a mother. I was a little wild back in the day. But back to the matter at hand, I must admit, I’ve had numerous run-ins with the law over minor, inconsequential, ridiculous and teeny-weeny infractions.”
“Such as?” Zach was now smiling, but since Fabio’s face was still hidden, he had no clue.
“Well, there was a minuscule bit of gambling and the occasional identity theft of those who abused power. It was delightful to bankrupt asshole dictators and spread their wealth amongst the people they’d screwed over. Kind of like an orgasm without the sex,” Fabio admitted. “Oh, and grand larceny, but for a good cause.”
“Good cause?” I asked, liking the man even more. His methods were certainly questionable, but his heart was in the right place.
“School busses,” he whispered. “For a community that had none.”
“How many?” Zach inquired, staring at the top of his father’s head.
“Twenty-five,” Fabio whispered. “And I might have manipulated the lotto a few times.”
“So that you won?” I asked, surprised.
“Oh dear Goddess, no!” Fabio said, looking up at me aghast. “Using magic for personal gain is a huge no-no. For others who needed it. And of course, I have a wee collection of what one might refer to as hot credit cards. I’ve also been known to procure the latest fashions before they actually hit the market, but I leave an IOU or brownies.”
“You leave brownies?” Zach asked, obviously unsure if Fabio was sane.
He wasn’t, but that was part of the charm.
“Not the little girls in the brown uniforms,” Fabio assured us quickly. “The chocolate kind… with nuts.”
Zach coughed to hide his laugh. “Anything else I should know?”
Fabio sighed dramatically. “Yes, I suppose there is. I’m an excellent cook, and I find women’s yoga pants very comfortable. I’m in a committed relationship for the first time in my life with Baba Yaga. She’s completely off her rocker and prone to blowing up things, but I am besotted—hence the appalling disco ball in the foyer. Also, I find a good explosion to be excellent foreplay.”
“Keep going,” Zach said, unable to hide his perplexed amusement.
Fabio gained confidence from Zach’s tone and barreled on. “Your sister loves my pancakes even though she offends them with an obscene amount of syrup. I spent a decade in the circus in between running from the law and being a man-whore. Juggling was my specialty—balls and women. Baba Yaga, aka Carol, put an end to that. She's threatened to remove my balls if I stray but, quite honestly, I never will. Mostly, before I found happiness, I tooled around aimlessly and gambled. I’m an outstanding card cheater… And then, one day, it all got very old and I searched for meaning.” He took a breath. “At over two hundred years old, I realized I had very little worth to show for my existence on the Goddess’s green earth. When I found out about your sister, I was thrilled and then devastated to learn what she had gone through in her life. It took a bit to get close, including a few near-deadly car mishaps and then an embarrassing reveal of my man-junk, but I paid for her therapy. So, there’s that.”
Zach said nothing, but his body relaxed. He watched Fabio and waited for more.
“I blamed myself for Zelda’s horrific start in life… and I blame myself for yours,” Fabio said quietly.
“But you didn’t know about us,” Zach said and then pressed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.
Defending the man who he didn’t want in his life wasn’t in the game plan, but Zach was a good person, whether he believed it or not. He was very much like the warlock sitting across from him, minus the criminal record.
“I didn’t know,” Fabio agreed. “But it doesn’t alleviate the guilt. It never will. I’m so sorry.”
I said nothing. It wasn’t my place, but my heart hurt, and I wanted to hug both men so badly my fingers tingled. So much pain because of one horrible woman who’d raised Zelda in an awful manner and who had sold Zach as a baby to an abomination.
Fabio went on. “I understand if you can’t accept me, and I don’t blame you. I’m not exactly a prize. But I just want you to know that if I could have traded places with you, I would have in a heartbeat. And if Henrietta Smith wasn’t already dead, I would have taken obscene pleasure in ending her with my bare hands.”
Zach’s mouth was slightly open as if he wanted to speak, but no words came out. Fabio gave him a sad smile and pointed to the money.
“Most of it is legal,” he said. “Please take it. I don’t want it back. It’s just a tiny gesture. I would be pleased
