Too bad we were about to go back to the others.
“You look best without clothes,” N’Ashtar mused, pulling me into his arms and nuzzling my neck.
I fought the urge to lean into his touch, his hold, feeling safe and protected there. That wouldn’t look after Squire.
A hint of his teeth scraped my shoulder, sending shivers wracking through my body. Whether they were want or fear, I couldn’t exactly tell. What I could tell was that N’Ashtar was thinking of something naughty. “What are you doing?” I grumbled good-naturedly.
“We have another day or so before we arrive at N’Akkar,” N’Ashtar said, stroking the side of my face. “I want to mate claim you.”
“You want to what now?” Chills swam through me. Would I become his property if he did that? Hetta had seemed more than happy, but maybe it was different for her.
“I wish to mate with you, claim you as my female.” His expression was more serious now. “I wish you to wear my bite scar when you carry my child.”
I stared at him, because really, I wasn’t sure what else to say to that. “I’m not your property.”
Bemusement flashed in his eyes. “No, you are not,” he agreed. Then he kissed me once more and rose fluidly to his feet. “We have far to walk today before I may claim you. Be ready to leave soon.” Without another word, he was out of the secluded overhang we had used for the night and heading back towards where Hetta, Jackie, and O’Rrin had spent the night. I frowned at his back, the sated, happy glow from sex fading quickly. Was that all I was to him, a breeding mare? Or whatever the N’Akron equivalent was. A breeding dohli?
I dressed quickly, aware my ship-based clothing that had not been designed for Thoheria in the first place was starting to give. The N’Akron seemed perfectly content in their leather-based outfits, but all I thought of when I saw them was that leather could pinch like hell. And be about as flattering as a potato sack if done wrong.
Shoving the thoughts out of my mind, I headed towards where Squire had been stashed. N’Ashtar had beaten me there and was undoing the bindings on his ankles.
“Here, I can cut his hands—”
“No.” N’Ashtar cut me off with a shake of his head. “His hands will stay bound.”
I stared at him. “Seriously? He’s not a danger.”
“Caterri are all dangerous,” N’Ashtar said firmly.
“You’re treating him worse than they treated me.” My frustration from earlier seeped down into my pores, threatening to consume me.
“Dana, it is fine,” Squire said. His words were patient, at contrast with the dirt snarling his hair. He looked like he had spent most of the night tied up in a cave…which he had. “My people do not treat the N’Akron with any sort of kindness, so I expect none in return.”
“But that’s not how the world works.” I was close to stomping my foot, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. I also was far more mature than that, no matter how tired I was. “Just because your people weren’t kind to his doesn’t mean he should judge you based on that.”
I could feel N’Ashtar’s gaze on me, but I didn’t turn to look at him. It didn’t last very long, because he stood and left, leaving me with Squire.
“Shit,” I muttered. Last night had gone so well, and now things were awkward. I wanted to be with him, I really did. But Squire wasn’t the danger here, and I wanted him to accept that. Despair tugged at the strings to my heart. Maybe N’Ashtar and I were just too different for this to work out. Maybe I couldn’t resign myself to staying here and needed to focus on going home anyway. I knew Erica wasn’t going to give up.
“Thinking hard, I see.” Hetta’s voice made me jump and I nearly shrieked, managing just a sharp inhalation of air.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I grumbled, putting a hand to my heart like any proper Southern belle.
“You were pretty deep in thought,” Hetta countered.
“Which is why you scared me.” I stared at her, daring her to argue, even though I wasn’t sure how she could. Mentally, I sighed, because I wasn’t making any sense, but that was for later me to figure out. My head was already going in circles.
“You didn’t sound angry last night,” Jackie said in a sing-song voice.
My cheeks flushed and I scowled at her, although I wasn’t sure exactly what embarrassed me. Sex was sex, that didn’t bother me. While I had assumed we were far enough away from them we wouldn’t have been overheard, apparently I had been wrong. If neither of those were the problem, what was getting to me?
Then it hit me. I didn’t want to be seen as enjoying it. I didn’t want to know that we had been close enough for them to see, that they had seen me as someone who wanted to be with N’Ashtar, who wanted to be a woman. That had been weakness in the diplomatic world. The moment a single woman found a man, her identity revolved around him. Instead of being Dana, I would have turned into so-and-so’s wife. I didn’t want that. I still wanted to be me.
I scrubbed a hand across my face, aware my silence was a hell of a signal that something was wrong to the two of them. But I didn’t want to talk about it, not now. “I need to make sure Squire’s ready.”
Hetta and Jackie exchanged a look that I studiously ignored, pretending absolutely nothing had happened and my insides weren’t churning. They were nice and let me, although I could feel their gaze on me as I moved around. It didn’t help that
