“I’m fine.” My reply was automatic, and when I stopped for a second and really heard it, it made me cringe. How many times had I answered that question on Earth? How many women had assured men they were fine when really, there was something bothering them they just didn’t feel comfortable talking about? “I’m not fine.” Admitting it was hard, but there was a flash of relief the moment the words left my mouth.
“I am aware,” Squire said without any sarcasm. “What bothers you?”
I took another drink of the water, passing him the other one. He didn’t drink but just sat there watching me. It was unsettling how he watched me, the fully black sclera reminding me too much of the horror movies I’d seen at friends’ houses. Turning away from him, I studied Hetta as O’Rrin left N’Ashtar behind and came up next to his mate, pulling her into his arms and nuzzling her neck. It bared the hint of the bite mark there that marked her as his, and I was certain if I got closer, I would find one on O’Rrin’s neck, too. It was the way that he treated her that made me ache. The sweetness, the obvious love. I wanted that. I wanted that to be my life so badly, I thought I would choke on it.
“Being human is very different than being N’Akron, is it not?” Squire asked patiently.
I glanced at him. “Probably as different as being Caterri is,” I admitted.
He hummed, a strangely clicky noise. “Not as much as you would think.” Handing me the water back, he pushed himself to his feet. “I know little of your kind, but I urge you to talk to him. If he does not know your concerns, he cannot help you address them.”
I stared at him, I had to admit. “When did you become a relationship guru?”
His chuckle was higher-pitched and almost staticky, closer to a bug buzz. “Because I am of a lesser caste, people do not notice me, so I overhear many things.” He shrugged. “It could be to your benefit.”
“What do you mean by that?” I wondered just how much he knew, where he had come from in the first place, but instead of answering, Squire simply smiled at me, then walked away. I balked, wanting to go hunt him down and demand he answer my questions, but that was when I caught sight of N’Ashtar watching us with narrowed eyes.
Well, that explained why Squire had left. I turned away from the hot alien man who had declared me his mate and then ignored me when I hadn’t immediately been thrilled about jumping into his pants. The sad thing was that turned me towards Hetta, where she and O’Rrin were all cuddled up. They were the type of sweet, loving relationship that my mother would have mocked mercilessly. It was even more rare when I had gotten out of college and into the real world. Diplomats traveled a ton and worked long hours when necessary, which wasn’t the most family friendly. The colleagues I knew who weren’t divorced had never been married in the first place. Most had simply given up, not that I blamed them.
What I didn’t get was why it was so awful to want that sort of happiness in my life. No matter how many times my mother had drilled it into my mind, it didn’t crush the longing that rose up in me when I saw someone happy like that. On Earth, it had been easy enough to shove the thought aside, view it as not realistic. But like Squire had said, here couldn’t have been more different if it tried, really. Maybe it was time to give up the same way I thought of things on Earth.
If only it was that easy.
17
N’Ashtar
“We’re almost out of travel rations.” O’Rrin shot a dirty look at the Caterri, whose wrists were still bound even as it silently followed Dana. “She insisted he be fed.”
I bit back a hiss, my tongue tasting the air as if I could smell my annoyance. “I’ll go hunting tonight.” The smartest option would have been to set up traps, but since we were continuing forward, it wasn’t the easiest one.
“I’ll set up the tents.” O’Rrin nodded firmly. “And keep an eye on it.” He shot the Caterri a dirty look, which I understood.
A nod was all the acknowledgment I gave him, before I half-turned to realize Dana was standing not far away, watching me. “Where are you going?”
I sighed, then grew angry at myself for it. It wasn’t her fault that I was upset, that I didn’t know how to deal with her and what she brought with her. “I need to hunt. We are low on rations.”
“I’ll go with you.” Dana was already adjusting her belt, and I was surprised to see the foreign gun tucked in it.
“It is far too dangerous—” I started.
“I wasn’t asking.” She cut me off before I could finish my argument, and the flinty look in her eyes told me it wasn’t worth arguing. Besides, I couldn’t really blame her. I was the one at fault here.
“Stay back, at least,” I said, which earned me a nod. She wasn’t familiar with the planet or its animals, and I didn’t want her to get caught off guard and get hurt. She was too important to me.
By the time we’d made it far enough away from camp to refill the water pouches, I’d spotted a group of the feathered czik, thin yet meaty creatures that, once plucked and cooked over the fire, were good eating. They also stayed good for long periods of time without much help, which meant they would be good for getting us through the last couple days it would take to get to N’Akkar.
The czik were tall despite their small stature, nearly half my height. Still, Dana would be safe around them, something that made me relax. “Stay here,” I murmured to her. “I
