He too cried. That was all we could do. There was no answer. There was no, “it’s okay. This isn’t the worst thing ever.” Because it was to us.
I BROUGHT THE kids by so Rager could see them later that evening. They hadn’t seen him awake yet. You would have thought it was Christmas morning with how excited they were. Bristol wouldn’t stop talking, Pace held his hand, and Knox was convinced he was a super hero.
Because Rager told him he was. And Hudson, he crawled up on the bed with Rager, though I know it hurt him and laid with him. For a kid that never showed much affection, it was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen him do.
With all three kids in bed with him, Rager closed his eyes, a faint smile ghosting his lips and whispered, “Thank you,” to me as I stood beside him.
I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face for the first time in days.
Mom was right.
I’d count my miracles where I got them and hold onto the fact that this was meant to be. For whatever reason, we were meant for this to happen. Now we needed to change our times, repair the engine, and get out of the work area.
Collected – When a car is caught in an incident that they did not cause. If a car spins and is struck by a second car to a stop, the second car is said to be collected.
It took another three weeks before Rager was released from the hospital, Memorial Day weekend while the Outlaws were in Nashville. I could tell you all kinds of things that happened in those twenty-two days, like Rager needing another surgery for another bleed in his head. Or that Caden had five surgeries in that time to repair his neck, back, and another to repair his damaged spleen.
I could tell you that Rager wasn’t himself. He didn’t talk much and didn’t want the kids in the hospital after that first visit. I stayed with him while my mom had the kids back at home in a place where they knew their surroundings and had some sense of normalcy we didn’t have at the moment.
I wasn’t sure what being released would mean for Rager, or how he’d react to being home. During the off-season he got antsy after Christmas and couldn’t wait to return to racing even though he’d only been at home for less than a month. As we sat now, he wouldn’t be returning to racing until late August if we were lucky.
On a Thursday, with the sun shining, we made the drive back home to Mooresville. We couldn’t fly because of the recent surgeries, so we drove. It was hard leaving Kinsley in the hospital, but I felt better knowing her parents were there with her, and Caden’s mom.
Rager didn’t talk much during the seven-hour drive. And I tried to give him time to sleep, heal, and come to terms with what he was feeling. He asked about the kids, the team, and what would happen next.
“Do you want to return to racing?” I asked, unsure of his feeling toward it.
His eyes strayed to mine and I watched his breathing speed. “Yeah, why?” It was the first time I’d ever heard his voice shake like that. “Do you not want me to?”
My hands trembled, and I was thankful I was holding onto the steering wheel. “No, it’s not that. I just realized I hadn’t asked you.”
He still had a while to go. Needed physical therapy on his ankle once the cast was off in four more weeks, and after that, he had to be cleared by his neurosurgeon and the World Racing Group. It would take some time, probably into late August, and I wondered if taking the rest of this season off would be what he needed to take care of himself both physically and mentally.
He spent some time alone with Caden before we left, and though I was dying to know what they said to one another, I didn’t push the issue. I figured he’d tell me when he was ready, but truthfully, I was dying to know what they said to each other. Caden had regained some sensations in his left leg, but they weren’t hopeful that he would be able to walk again.
Out of nowhere, Rager’s hand moved to my thigh and he squeezed it. “I don’t think I’d be me if I didn’t return to racing.”
I knew exactly what he meant. That’d be like my dad walking away from racing and I couldn’t imagine that. It wasn’t in their blood.
Rager spent most of the drive watching all the races he missed on DIRTVision. Cody was filling in for him, a previous JAR Racing driver, and though Cody was a good top-five finisher, he didn’t win a lot. But he was consistent and that was what we needed while Rager was out.
Dad called him and they talked for about an hour of the drive, and finally, he slept. I spent the majority of the time watching him sleep, thankful I had him here with me, and curious how the kids were going to react to having him home again. Or how we’d deal with this new race format we were going to have to adjust to.
I was scared of what it’d mean for us as a family. And then I thought about how drastically Caden and Kinsley’s lives were changing and knew I needed to appreciate this pit stop we were on. It wasn’t the checkered flag for us.
MOM MET US at the house with the kids. They were
