“Just go, Hunter.” Carmen shoved him lightly, the ghost of a smile still on her face as she closed the door and leant against it for a few breaths.
And then, she started making her way to the one boy whose presence she’d never grow tired of.
52.
Crash and Burn
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
Asa tried to get a firm grip of his surroundings, to calm himself down and not let the outrageous situation he had just walked in on get the better of him.
There was an explanation as to why that piece of shit had been there, standing just an arm’s length away, in Carmen’s goddamn house. Asa was sure there was an explanation—there had to be. An explanation that was along the lines of Carmen feeling forced to invite Hunter in, that she had done so against her will, because Asa’s mind couldn’t think of any other possible reason than that.
There was no way the girl he’d surrendered his heart and soul to would open the doors of her home to the one person who’d broken those very parts of Asa time and time again.
“Hey.” Carmen smiled as she walked in through the opening in the wall that led to the kitchen.
Asa swallowed and forced a smile on his face, looking up from where he was sitting on one of the dining chairs. “Hey back.”
“You okay?” she asked cautiously, stepping closer until their knees were brushing and running her hand through his hair.
Asa wasn’t sure how he wanted to answer that. Before, he’d have just admitted what was going on inside his head, not letting anything hold him back when it came to her. But now…
This feeling of uncertainty in their dynamic was new, and it made him falter in his response. But those few seconds of hesitation was all it took to cause a sudden shift in the atmosphere.
Carmen’s smile faltered, and her hand froze in Asa’s hair, fingers pausing in their act of caressing his soft cinnamon-coloured locks.
“Yeah,” he eventually responded, but it was a little too late and the two of them knew it. “I’m—I’m okay.”
Too late. Too late. A few seconds too late.
“Okay,” Carmen murmured, and she tried to smile—she did. Asa could see that.
But he could also see the caution in her eyes. The reluctance there. And that space between them expanded a little more.
“I, uh, I called you last night, but it was your dad who picked up,” Asa said, desperately needing something else to take away the burning need to have his questions answered.
Why was he here, Carmen? But Asa didn’t ask.
“Yeah, Dad told me,” Carmen said, pulling her hand away and seating herself on top of the dining table, letting her legs dangle off the edge.
And despite the unasked questions, despite the unsaid words, despite the underlying tension, Asa’s heart still skipped a beat when Carmen’s kneecaps brushed against one of his arms resting on the tabletop. Ironically, the feeling also left him bitterer towards the whole situation.
Why was he here, Carmen? But Asa didn’t ask. Did he hurt you? Still he didn’t ask.
Asa didn’t ask because he knew he wasn’t going to like the answer. Something had seemed odd about the entire ordeal, and now that he thought about it, he realised what it was that he found so perplexing.
Carmen’s eyes hadn’t been filled to the brim with grief like that day he’d caught her hiding away in the sanctuary of the art room after Hunter had confronted her and left her feeling like a lost cause.
No, when Asa had walked in here and looked into her eyes, he’d found the same old pair of thunderclouds gazing back at him, free from sorrow, free from grief. They hadn’t held the look of a broken heart like they usually did whenever she spoke of Hunter.
And that struck Asa as odd because that was all Hunter Donoghue was capable of inflicting—pain, pain, pain. So even though Asa’s tongue ached with the need to spit out the question; even though his throat felt full with words struggling to be thrown out, he kept his mouth sealed tight.
Why was he here, Carmen? But Asa didn’t ask. Asa didn’t ask because he’d seen Carmen and Hunter interact, and there was no hostility there. And he didn’t want to dwell on what that exactly meant. Not yet.
“Yeah,” he muttered, distracted. “He said you were asleep.”
“Mm-hmm, it...” Carmen hesitated, fidgeting with her hands. “It was a long night.”
Asa’s posture softened, and he pushed anything related to Hunter to the furthest corner of his mind, allowing no room for anything other than pure concern for Carmen.
He pulled his chair closer to the table and leaned in ’till his torso was caged in by both her outstretched legs.
“How’d it go?” he asked softly, lifting a hand and wrapping his palm around the back of her neck, using his thumb to draw circles under her jaw.
Carmen’s shoulders slumped forward and Asa watched exhaustion creep into her eyes, killing the brightness in them bit by bit.
His chest hurt. It physically hurt to watch the light literally drain away from the eyes of the girl he was so hopelessly in love with.
“Not well.” She laughed weakly. “Good news is, that was my last straw. I’m never taking a chance on them again, so that’s one less burden for me, I suppose.”
“You know, you once told me that I’m always bending myself and that if I continued to do so, I’d eventually just snap and break.”
Carmen’s eyes met his and Asa leaned in further, the gesture coming naturally to him. He rested his forehead against hers and circled
