That’s when she started to cry, not perfectly rounded tears that gracefully dance on skin, but the kind of tears that have to be unleashed before they drown you. Madison was in pain and I had a feeling that I’d placed most of it there. I felt the ground below me shift at the realization that I was destroying the only goodness I’d ever seen in the world.
Because I was an asshole. Because I was no good. Because I was ruthless.
“I hate that I make you sad,” I whispered, pulling her head up. I needed her to see my eyes, I was desperate for her to know me, but I was so petrified that if she truly knew what I was she would leave. Using the pads of my thumbs I wiped away the cascading tears continuously falling down her cheeks. “I’m an asshole. I want to be better. I want to be what you deserve, but I don’t know how,” I admitted. “Teach me.”
“Just talk to me,” she said, between bouts of sniffles. “I knew something was wrong. I could tell.”
I felt my shackles rise like sharp pins poking, letting me know that danger was near. My fight or flight instincts kicked in to help me survive.
“What did I say?” I asked, desperate to know just how much I had revealed to her. I had no idea that I talked in my sleep. I’d avoided sleeping in the same room with anyone else for a very long time, repelled by the idea of being vulnerable with another person. Even my own mother had been shunned when I was ten.
“You just sounded afraid and you kept telling someone to stop.” The blood in my veins turned to ice at her words. “You also kept saying you don’t want the candy anymore.” She gazed up at me. “Kyler, did someone hurt you when you were little?”
The question was simple, the answer not as much. I wanted to tell her everything, but at that moment I just couldn't form the words. Once again, I found myself wanting to lash out, but the desire not to hurt her anymore outweighed my need to protect myself.
“Pause? Can we pause this?” The minute I asked the question, she stepped away from me, moving out of my reach so far that I had to take a few steps towards her in order to grab her hand. “I will tell you. Everything. I will tell you it all. I just can’t right now. Will you give me a beat?”
I wasn’t sure what I would do if she said no. I would probably drop to my knees and begin blurting out every dark secret like a madman. But when she said “yes” instead, the weight of the entire world lifted from my shoulders.
At least for a moment.
Chapter 25
“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.” ― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
Madison
“Lucky Charms, the breakfast of champions.” Kyler dipped the spoon in our shared cereal bowl and zoomed it to me like an airplane.
I shook my head, but took the bite, thankful for the crunch and rush of sweetness on my tongue. “The perfect pairing with this mystery coffee.”
I held up the cup of what I was pretty sure was used grounds before they’d run through the drip machine again.
“Hey, coffee isn’t my strong suit.”
“But this cereal is on point,” I teased positively. “I wonder what Jane Eyre would have done if Mr. Rochester had brought her Lucky Charms for breakfast in bed.”
“Oh, she would definitely call them the best charms of her life, don’t you agree?” He leaned in, mischief lighting up his eyes as he snagged the next bite for himself.
“The very best. Cathy, on the other hand…” This time I snagged the spoon myself as I waited for him to give me his opinion on the matter.
“Oh,” he rolled his eyes, “Cathy would have thrown them right back in Heathcliff’s face like a petulant child.”
“A child, huh?” I shook my head. “A woman who speaks her mind is a child, hmm, Sinclair?” I was joking, but his eyes flashed dark for a beat.
“Nope. Newsflash, little mouse, I love you even more when you’re petulant.” He set the nearly empty cereal bowl on the table and pulled me into his arms, laying me back on the bed behind us. “It’s the childish part I protest.” He didn’t give me room to reply, only pressed his lips to mine in a slow, tender kiss.
I hummed softly in his mouth, loving this lighthearted side of him more than I wanted to admit.
“Can I show you someplace?”
I smiled against his lips, eager to spend more time with him when he was soft and gentle like this. “Yes. But I have to check in at home first. Mom will start to worry. Can we meet up later?”
“Perfect.” He dropped kisses on the apples of my cheeks before lifting me out of bed and setting me on my feet. I enjoyed the warmth of his arms a moment longer before backing away, breaking our connection and trying to rattle the sense of sheer elation Kyler stirred inside of me. “I miss you already, Mad.”
I didn’t reply, only blew him a kiss as I backed out of the door, before turning and clutching my bag to my chest, an unstoppable smile splitting my cheeks. By the time I’d crossed the lawn, my sneakers were wet as I trudged through the grass to the house. I swung the door wide and saw Mom perched in the kitchen
