But it gets to the point that I realize I need to talk to someone, and since I’m not willing to talk to Adir, I seek out the captain and ask a guard to see if Captain Lara would be willing to talk to me in my room.
It doesn’t take very long for there to be a knock at my door.
“Who is it?” I call.
“Captain Lara Barnes.”
I open the door, give her a small smile, and wave her inside. She stands, so I do too after I shut the door.
“Is something wrong?” the captain asks gently. “Did something—”
“Nothing happened,” I say in a rush.
She lifts her eyebrows. “Is that the issue? Do you wish something did happen?”
“I… no. Not exactly,” I mumble. “I just… I want…”
She smiles gently. “It’s all right if you don’t know what you want.”
“I do know what I want,” I blurt out. “Well, not what I want, but what I need.”
“What do you need?”
“Advice.”
She blinks a few times.
“You and the alien captain…”
Lara's cheeks color ever so slightly, just a faint color change, so maybe I'm imagining it. "Yes, Captain Stox and I are together," she says slowly. "This is all in reference to Adir, isn't it?"
I nod miserably. “He… He wants to talk.”
Lara rolls her eyes.
“No, he does!” I protest. “He said we could talk in the hall.”
“The last time I saw you two, you were talking in the hall, and you kissed his cheek.”
“Yes,” I mumble. “I did.”
“A goodbye kiss?” she asks softly.
“Yes.”
“And now you’re having doubts about the goodbye?”
“I… I don’t know. Adir… He wasn’t supposed to sleep with me, and he did. He wasn’t supposed to sleep with any of us. I just… I was sleeping with other… with the breeders. Is that why he thought he could do whoever he wanted? Even though he wasn’t a breeder? Is that why?”
"Maybe you should be asking him these questions," Lara murmurs.
“I know, but I…” I hang my head and stare at my hands.
“Callie, it’s all right to be upset, to be confused and conflicted. You clearly cared for him very much.”
“Cared,” I repeat in a mumble.
“Do you still care for him?” she asks, tilting her head.
“I… I don’t want to.”
“But you do. Feelings don’t develop in an instant, and they can’t just magically go away.” She starts to reach over for me, hesitates, puts her arm down, and then brings it up again to rub my back. “You’re allowed to be in a bit of an in-between period. You don’t have to decide anything now.”
“I kind of… There’s nothing to decide. He’s a guard, not a breeder. He’s… He’s lucky he’s still a guard, isn’t he?”
Lara hesitates.
“What is it?” I ask curiously.
"I don't know if I should be telling you this, but Adir's a guard still because of Stox and me."
“Why?”
"Don't worry. We have a guard watching over him, observing him to ensure he doesn't do anything that he shouldn't."
“Hmm.” I think back to when Adir came to see me at dinnertime in the café. There had been someone just outside the doors to the entrance. I hadn’t thought much about the person, but he must have been there to watch over Adir.
“Is that really necessary?” I ask.
“If we don’t want the overlord to discover what happened, then Adir needs to be a model guard.”
“And?”
“And outside of knocking on your door and then trying to eat with you that one time, he’s been one of our best guards. He’s attentive to the women’s needs.”
“That’s good,” I mumble, wondering how many of them he’s given a blanket.
“And…”
I lift my eyebrows, surprised she’s stalling some.
“It’s not really my place, but I can see how much you care for him, and I think… His facial expression… He didn’t realize that you loved him, and the change in his face, the light in his eyes… Maybe he didn’t want to believe that you loved him. I don’t know, but if you two are to try to see if you can work through things… Stox and I didn’t want to get in the way of that.”
“But the overlord…”
Lara hesitates and heaves a sigh. “I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but… You need to worry about yourself and not the overlord. You won’t be getting pregnant if you’re unhappy, and honestly, it’s not even about any baby. It’s about you. You came here because you wanted to, but that doesn’t mean that you want to have…”
“Suffer through heartache?” I ask with a dry smile.
She shakes her head sadly. “I’m sorry, Callie. I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t have any advice to give.”
“You and Stox can be together?”
Lara beams and nods.
“Good,” I murmur. “At least one of us is happy.”
“I want you to be too.”
“Maybe I will one day. I just… I don’t know if I can move on without…” I shrug. “I’m not sure what I need.”
“Figure it out. Take your time figuring it out. There’s no timeline.”
“For the Novans, there is a—”
“One baby won’t make or break the Novans and their next generation.”
“But if I’m to have multiple…” I can feel myself blush.
Lara chuckles. “You want more than one?”
“Shouldn’t all of us women want more than one?” I ask innocently.
“I suppose so.” She pats my shoulder. “If there’s anything else I can help you with…”
“No, thank you for listening. You did help me.”
“Good, because I was afraid I didn’t.”
Lara starts toward the door but then turns back around.
“I want to give you a head’s up.”
“Uh oh,” I mumble.
She smiles sympathetically. “The overlord wants new breeders here. Fresh blood and all of that.”
“More like fresh cocks,” I mumble.
“Callie!” Lara bursts out laughing. “I didn’t expect that from you.”
“It’s the truth, though. He’s not happy the other breeders haven’t gotten enough of us
