Mr. Ortez is still being nice to me, but he tries not to look me in the eye most of the time. I'm kind of getting used to that. I tried going to Ryan's house to see him before he graduates but his mom not so politely told me she didn't want him around a 'girl like me'.
Graduation. It's not going to happen for me. I am going to graduate, but I won't be walking in my cap and gown and receiving my diploma in front of my friends and family. Instead I'll get mine in the mail sometime this summer, before I leave for college in the Fall.
But now it's time to push all that shit away, put it behind me and prepare for the cruise with Dad and Steve. So that's the reason for the shopping trip today. Mom and I are pretending to be happy and relaxed, dressed in our casual late spring dresses and sandals, our makeup on, smiles on our faces. Just business as usual. Except for this great big lump in my throat that I am just managing to keep down with some deep sighs and silent meditation.
"Oh, this is cute, Tar!" Mom holds up a gaudy pink jumper with a huge floral print.
"Mom!" I manage a laugh and shake my head. "I'm not sixty years old! That's horrible!"
She laughs and I try not to see the dark circles under her eyes that aren't quite hidden with her makeup. I know it's been super rough for her. She's been fighting with Ethan and when Dad and Steve got back from London, she fought with them too. Everyone hates Michael and wants to kill him but we've settled for joining in on a civil suit with Kaitlynn and Pam. I haven't spoken to either girl and I'm not sure if I ever will. What would we say to one another? Besides, this isn't something I want to keep remembering.
I sigh and Mom glances up at me and gives me a sad smile.
"It will get better," she murmurs, browsing through a rack of summer dresses.
It will get better. That's our mantra. It's just taking a while.
"How many outfits do I really need, Mom?" I look down at the three bulging bags at my feet from the stores we've already hit. "I'm planning on spending most of the time in a deck chair reading in my bathing suit."
"Well, you need to dress for dinner and all that," Mom says. "Besides, you want to look nice, don't you? I mean, Taryn, you might meet someone."
I stare at her in disgust. "Are you serious? Mom, I am not going on this cruise to meet another guy! That's the last thing I want!" Besides, I don't want anyone but Manny.
"I know, Taryn, but an open mind is never a bad thing." Mom looks back at me and her eyes brighten. "Shoes! You need sandals!"
I roll my eyes and we start across the store towards the exit when we see them.
Kim and her mom have just stepped into the store and I grip Mom's elbow. Oh please don't let them see us! But then two pairs of cold green eyes fall on Mom and I and then Kim's mom, Brianne, pastes a fake smile on her face and they sail over to us.
"Marissa! Taryn! How are you?" Brianne gives Mom an air kiss and Kim smirks at me but says nothing.
Mom smiles tightly. "Bri, nice to see you. It's been a while."
Kim's mom nods, and keeps smiling that stupid smile. She's a little bit older than my mom and you can tell when she was younger she was gorgeous like Kim and Teri. Now she just looks like she's trying too hard to still be hip and she's wearing a plaster mask of makeup to hide her wrinkles.
"How's the real estate business?" Brianne and Kim are standing between us and the path of escape so Mom and are stuck making small talk. I clutch my carrier bags and refuse to look at Kim's snotty face.
"It's a little slow right now," Mom says. Her smile is as fake as Bri's. "But it will pick up, I'm sure."
"Right." Bri nods again, glancing at me. "And Taryn, how are you doing? With all the 'doings'? She gives me a sickly sympathetic look and I hear Kim snort softly.
"I'm fine." I nudge Mom and beg her silently to get us the fuck out of here.
"I'm sure it's hard. All the talk going around. And that awful man!" Bri shakes her head. "Well let's just hope he gets what he deserves. You are suing, right?"
"It was nice seeing you, Bri." Mom puts her arm around me and we move around Kim and her mom. As we walk past, Bri's not so quiet whisper hits us both like a knife in the back.
"If that were you, I'd never let you out in public again!" she whispers to Kim.
Mom freezes beside me and before I can stop her, she whirls around and heads straight back to Bri, her face rigid.
"Excuse me? Did you just compare your daughter to mine?"
I want to sink into the floor, but at the same time I can't stop watching, it's like an impending explosion. The air is thick with tension.
Bri tries to laugh it off and Kim giggles behind her hand.
"Oh, Mar, it's just...well, Taryn has been a little irresponsible, don't you think? You must be concerned with her actions after all."
Mom towers over Bri by at least a head and her eyes are like cold steel. "On the contrary. I'm not concerned about Taryn at all. Because I know she's a very responsible young lady who simply made a mistake. Not unlike most teenagers."
Bri snorts and rolls her eyes at Kim. "Not my teenager!"
"Yes, like your teenager, Brianne!" Mom snaps, casting a cold glance at Kim, who stands there pouting. "From what I have heard, from
