Being part of one of the biggest days of his life.
Now she felt empty.
She put her phone on the kitchen counter. There were two messages there. One from Lainey and the other from Maddie, both asking how Carl was doing. But nothing from Logan.
He hadn’t called or messaged. It was stupid, because she’d asked him for some space and he was honoring that. But it still hurt to be without him. She was so used to speaking with him every evening, hearing his low, warm voice as she laid in bed, her phone pressed to her ear.
For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, everything had made sense. She had a future to look forward to with Logan and their baby, and it had filled her up inside.
And now? All the fears and uncertainty she’d ignored over the past few weeks had risen up. She was in love with him, she knew that, but she also knew she couldn’t let him make this sacrifice for her if he wasn’t ready. It would break her heart and his.
She let out a deep sigh, leaning on the counter and pressing her hands against her swollen stomach. This baby inside of her needed two parents who didn’t mess things up. He or she deserved consistency, love. She knew what resentment did to a relationship. She’d watched her marriage with Shawn become a cage to both of them. Learned that hope and love weren’t enough. You had to talk, to be open, but more than anything to know your limits. She wouldn’t have another relationship like she’d had with Shaun. She couldn’t.
She ached for Logan. That was the truth of it. It had only been a few hours, yet there was already this hole inside her. One that he’d left behind.
A single tear ran down her cheek. She tried to breathe in, but it turned into a sob. It was as though the dam she’d built up had finally been breached as more tears pooled in her eyes, running hotly down her face, as she wailed out all the angst that was inside her.
Maybe that’s why she almost missed it. A tiny push that felt like a bubble popping inside her. She swallowed her cry as she felt it again, low down in her belly.
“Is that you?” she whispered. She got another push in response, almost as if the baby could understand her.
He or she was kicking! Courtney swallowed down the tears, a smile slowly pulling at her lips. It was crazy how real it made everything. Just one little touch and she was a goner. Completely at the mercy of this tiny dictator growing inside of her.
Joy washed over the misery, mixing together until she was laughing and crying at the same time. And of course she reached for her phone, wanting to call Logan, to tell him everything. Because she knew he’d want to know that his kid was kicking her.
But she couldn’t. Not until Thursday. She’d asked him to take the time to think, and he’d agreed. It would be completely unfair of her to message him now and mix things up all over again. This little kicker inside of her deserved better.
Instead, she tapped out a quick message to the only other person she needed right now.
I know it’s late, but I need you. Can you come over?
Within a minute, Lainey’s reply appeared on the screen.
Of course. I’m on my way. x
“I brought chocolate,” Lainey said when Courtney opened the front door of the cottage. “And donuts. Just in case the chocolate doesn’t work.” She gave Courtney a gentle smile, then wrapped her in a hug. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. How’s Carl doing?”
“Pretty good.” Courtney swallowed hard to stop herself from crying again. She felt so wrung out she wasn’t sure she could take it. “They’re planning on releasing him in the morning. Mary wants him to stay with them so she can take care of him, but he’s having none of it. Keeps talking about going back to work on Monday.”
“You’re a strong bunch, you Roberts.” Lainey stroked Courtney’s curls. “Shall I make us a warm drink?”
Courtney shook her head. “I’ll just mainline the chocolate. I don’t want to dilute it.”
“That’s my girl.” Lainey nodded approvingly. Then she frowned. “Hey, have you been crying?”
“A bit,” Courtney admitted.
“I guess it was a shock, Carl getting shot.”
“It was,” Courtney agreed. “But I wasn’t crying about Carl. Not really.” She sat down on the sofa, Lainey taking the seat next to her. “Logan and I had a discussion. A tough one. And we agreed to take some space from each other.”
Lainey took the chocolate bar and snapped off two chunks, passing one to Courtney and pressing the other into her own mouth. “Was it because of Carl?”
Courtney tipped her head to the side. “Kind of? I mean it was and it wasn’t. It was more about us. About our expectations of each other. I’m so afraid he’s making the wrong decision in leaving his career and moving back here.”
“Tell me exactly what happened.” Lainey kept the chocolate supply going, breaking off another two chunks for them both. “How did you end up deciding to take some space?”
Courtney swallowed her mouthful of chocolate and told Lainey all about her phone call with Logan.
“Oh boy.” Lainey squeezed her hand. “You guys know how to push each other’s buttons. On the plus side, the make up sex will be amazing.”
For the first time in hours, Courtney laughed, even though it felt hollow. “I don’t think we’ll be doing any of that for a while.” She licked her lips, the faint taste of chocolate clinging to them. “So what do you think? Did I overreact?”
“From the sounds of it you both did. I mean, I get him feeling weird about your in-laws, anybody would. But he shouldn’t have talked to you about it at that moment. That’s a conversation to have face to face.”
Courtney sighed.
