“The food was beautiful,” Maddie said, walking up behind him where he was standing at the bar. Everybody was still seated, the room filled with laughter and chatter that meant nothing to him. He couldn’t even bring himself to be pleased that the opening night was going so well.
“Thanks.” He flashed her a smile. And yeah, his cheeks still ached.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her brows furrowed together. “Any news from Courtney?” He’d given his family the low down when they arrived at the restaurant earlier. There had been sighs of relief that Carl was okay. But he hadn’t been able to tell them the truth about his conversation with Courtney. Or that it felt as though everything was messed up.
He could hardly understand it himself. How could he explain it to them?
“I’m guessing she’s gone to bed,” he said, his jaw tight. “It’s been a long day for her.”
Maddie nodded. “You’re right. She must be exhausted. I’ll call her tomorrow.” She smiled brightly at him. “It’s a shame she couldn’t be here.”
“Yeah.” His voice was rough. “And if you call her, can you tell her I’m thinking of her?”
There was a pause as Maddie took in his words. “Is there something wrong between the two of you?” she asked. “Why wouldn’t you tell her yourself?”
Logan swallowed hard. “It’s nothing. We just had a few words, that’s all.”
“About what?”
“Logan, I need you,” Paris said, flashing Maddie a smile. “Sorry, we need to do a quick interview with the trade press. I hope you don’t mind me stealing him?”
“Not at all,” Maddie said, her eyes still wary as they scanned Logan’s face. “I was headed to the bathroom anyway. I’ll catch you later, Logan.”
He felt a wave of relief wash over him. At least he didn’t need to explain himself to her right now. But he knew it was a brief reprieve. She would mention it to Gray, who’d talk to Tanner and Cam, and even Becca. All of them would be dissecting his love life before he’d finished the interview.
They’d know what a mess he’d made of everything.
His chest tightened at the thought. He’d just about held it together for the past few hours, mostly from ignoring the fact that he’d messed up. But if they made him talk, he would probably sob like a baby.
That was why he planned on avoiding his family for as long as possible.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
It took an hour, but eventually Cam managed to corner Logan while he was outside in the alley, trying to get some air.
“What happened?” Cam asked, walking over to where Logan was leaning against the wall, letting the cold Boston air freeze his skin. “Maddie said you and Courtney are having problems? I thought everything was okay.”
Logan lifted his head up. “Courtney wants us to have some space. She’s asked me not to call her.” He leaned against the wall he’d just hit. Luckily, it held no grudges. “This was supposed to be the biggest night of my life, man, and I messed everything up.”
Cam frowned. “Why does she want space? I don’t get it.”
Logan rubbed his brow with the heel of his hand. “I asked her to come out here now that she knows Carl’s okay and she refused. Said she needs to be with her family.” He breathed out raggedly. “But I thought I was supposed to be her family. Me and the baby.”
“You asked her to choose?” Cam asked, lifting an eyebrow.
Logan nodded. “I guess I assumed. And she took that as me expecting her to make the same kind of sacrifices I am. She thinks I’m going to regret leaving all this behind.” He gestured at the restaurant in front of them.
Cam turned, leaning against the wall next to Logan, turning his head so their faces were only inches apart. “You always did expect too much from people.” He lifted an eyebrow. “And you’re a really sore loser.”
“Says the guy who plays in the NFL.”
“Yeah, I play,” Cam agreed. “Doesn’t mean I always expect to win.”
Logan frowned. “That’s a can of shit. You always want to win.”
“I didn’t say I don’t want to win. I said I don’t always expect to win. There’s a difference.” Cam’s voice was low, shrouded by the night. “When I lose, I pick myself up and play again. When you lose, you take yourself out of the game.”
“What do you mean?” Logan asked him.
“Look at your knee injury. How many times have you played football since you came out of the hospital?”
Logan shook his head. “Never. You know that. They said I could never play again.”
“They said you could never play professionally. Nothing about not playing for fun, or playing in a local league. But you decided that if you couldn’t be the best, you wouldn’t play at all. Same with relationships. Remember the counseling you had? Trying to work through why you always messed things up?”
“Yeah, I remember.” Though right now he was regretting telling his brother about it.
“You never put any effort in when it came to those. Because you couldn’t control the outcome. It’s as if you can’t feel like a failure if you don’t play. And that’s why this hurts. Because for once in your life you actually took a leap in the dark. Threw yourself into something you had no control over. And now you feel like you’ve failed.”
“You’re making me sound like a coward.” Logan leaned his head back against the cold brick.
“You’re not a coward. Look at everything you’ve achieved. You’re just,” Cam scrunched his nose up, “I don’t know. You like to control things. The outcomes. And that’s been massively successful in your professional life. I don’t know anybody who could achieve what you have. But in your private life?” Cam shrugged. “It leads you here. Trying to control other people because you’re
