His tone is dark and sopping with agony when he speaks. “I know that pain…”
I sigh. I hate when he takes for granted the childhood he had. “Why do you always say that? Diana is the most dedicated mother. And Lucas is an amazing dad. I see how close you two are. Your family is perfect. I’ve witnessed it firsthand.”
“My family is great. Loving. Amazing. Supportive…but not perfect.” He enunciates the words like the distinction between each one is important. He grows agitated. He goes so tense I’m afraid his spine might snap. Walker speaks, his voice hoarse as he utters words that fling me headfirst into the Twilight Zone. “I’m not one of them, Penny. I’m not a Kingston.” His throat bobs. “Lucas Kingston is not my father. At least, not biologically.”
My gut wrenches hard as if I just got punched. “W-what?” I close my book and try to put it onto the table but it drops to the floor.
He puffs out his chest and flings his arms out to the sides, so much bitterness in his curt sarcastic laugh. “You’re looking at the Kingston family secret, P. In the flesh.”
“Oh my god, Walker. Oh my god.” My fingers cover my lips. The pretty picture I spent a lifetime exhalting is crashing before my eyes.
He shrugs and shakes his head, looking more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him. “Ma had just broken up with her first boyfriend when Dad first came to town. They didn’t realize Ma was already pregnant when they got together. Dad loved my mother so much that my paternity didn’t make a difference to him. He decided to claim me as his own kid. It worked for the most part, except…”
“Except…?”
I can tell that he has so much more to say, so much bottled up inside him, but he can’t get it out. Not now.
“I had no idea, Walker.” I’m dumfounded.
Head hung, he laughs bitterly. “Of course you didn’t. I kept that shit to myself. Not even my brothers know. I didn’t want anyone to see, to know that I was different, that I didn’t belong in the picture-perfect family.”
Still shocked, I examine his face. He and his brothers look so similar. But as I study him closely, the features all the boys inherited from Diana are magnified. I don’t see any of Lucas’s features in his face.
Damn. I’ve known the guy my whole life. How did I not figure it out? I guess I was so distracted by my infatuation that I never took the time to see the person beneath the image I created of him. Guilt weighs me down. My heart breaks that he had to carry that secret for so long. I wish he’d let me carry it alongside him. The way he’s helped me carry my own troubles.
I take his hand. I squeeze it. My way of letting him know that nothing has changed in my eyes, nothing has changed in the way I see him.
“Don’t get me wrong. Lucas Kingston is a great man. Really, he’s the best father. But most of the time, I think it’s only because he’s overcompensating for the fact that we’re not actually related.”
Unable to fight the urge to be near him any longer, I lean forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and hanging on for dear life. I whisper against his chest. “Well, as your best friend, I strongly disagree with that statement. You’re an awesome human being, Walker. Lucas is lucky to have you as his son.”
His strong arms reach around me, pulling me close for a long hug. I inhale his mossy scent and I absorb each pounding beat of his heart. I feel closer to him than ever before.
I’ve been trying to keep my distance but having him share such a deep, hidden part of his identity with me only lassos me tighter to this cowboy.
42
Penny
I squirm around in the hard vinyl seat, trying to calm my nerves and get comfortable. But my toes are tingling and my heart is beating hard enough to rattle my bones.
Leaning back in the exam chair, I close my eyes on the blinding fluorescent lights. I force myself to take a calming breath. My hand finds my belly subconsciously, and I rub my abdomen under my crinkly paper gown, imagining the face of my newborn baby.
I’m almost four months pregnant. I’m showing already. I can’t believe how fast this is all happening.
Am I really ready? Can I face this alone?
Quickly, I shrug off the doubts that have been trying to creep into my consciousness. I’ve got this. I’ve got this.
“We’re going to do just fine, Little Bug,” I murmur quietly to my baby. I don’t know if he or she can hear me yet, but that doesn’t stop me from talking to this kid every single day. I’m desperate to make sure my child knows how much I love him or her. From the very start.
I was hoping that becoming a mother would fill the throbbing hole in my heart I’ve felt all my life but I never knew how quickly I’d feel needed. I never realized how suddenly my sense of loneliness would vanish.
The day I found out I was pregnant, I felt Little Bug’s presence. And since that day, I just don’t feel alone anymore. I may not have anyone on the outside I can call my own but inside me, there’s a tiny, little person who’s depending on me.
“I don’t know what our future holds, but we’re going to be fine,” I whisper. “I love you so much already. Nothing will ever change that…”
I hear the sound of the door swinging open and I look up to find
