“You don’t understand!” I protested. “Lordin and Zawne were truly in love. Love love, Raad. Love times a thousand! And the people. Oh, the people loved them as a couple. I’ll be a new face and an utter disappointment next to Lordin.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, sister. You are …” Raad squirmed. “Pretty. And men desire you. I have no less than twelve requests for your hand in marriage from the noble families in Gaard alone. You’re a hot ticket.”
“I don’t want to be a ticket,” I said. “I want to be loved. Can you imagine what the people would say about me dating Lordin’s Prince Zawne?”
He looked at me incredulously. “Zawne was never Lordin’s to keep, and Lordin wasn’t even of noble birth, and … she isn’t even here anymore! Why are we even talking about her?”
It wasn’t the idea of dating Zawne that provoked me the most. It was the feeling that I would be betraying Lordin and the sanctity of their relationship in Geniverd’s eyes. Didn’t he understand what Lordin meant to people, what she represented? What she’d always represent?
I knew Raad’s mind was made up and there was no talking him out of it. So I changed tack. “He worshipped the ground she walked on, Raad. She owned him. I also don’t think Zawne will ever love anyone as much.”
“None of that matters,” he said, waving his right hand dismissively.
“He might not even want me,” I said. “How could any man want to marry me before he knows me? It’s absurd.”
“It’s strategic,” Raad said bluntly. The business of taking on more and more Elder duties had hardened Raad, made him deathly serious when he needed to be. “It’s for the people and for our family. Mama would have wanted this for you.”
“Still, you’re asking me to marry someone I hardly know before the coronation, which is in three weeks.” I was thinking of Roki now, the dream that had molested me in my sleep. I wanted to see him again, but he was gone. Maybe it was time to move on.
Raad said, “Zawne will love you in time. That’s how these things work. He intends to marry you, if you’re also interested in him, and he’d like to meet with you as soon as possible. Please don’t be selfish, Kaelyn. The Ava-Gaard need you to be strong for them. There’s more at play here than love and affection. Your feelings may have to suffer, and I am sorry for this.”
“I hate you.” I crossed my arms and frowned. “And I also love you, so I can’t be mad. I know what could happen if the trade agreement falls flat. More expensive food for Shondur from our farmers, more expensive leather and gems for us. There could even be a currency collapse. It would be chaos. And this is on top of all the other madness going on right now. People are suffering, more and more every day, it seems, and they don’t need another reason to suffer.”
Raad nodded. “Exactly. This is for the good of Geniverd.”
I conceded. I always felt timid and weak before Raad, and this morning was no exception. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll go on one date. One! If there is no connection between Zawne and me, then there’s nothing I can do.”
Raad wiped egg slop off his lips. “I knew you’d understand.” He smiled at me. “And I know you’ll do what’s right, both for your heart and for Gaard. We are the leaders of this society, and we must be role models. We must be moral. We must uphold Decens-Lenitas.”
It was a pretext for us elitists, Decens-Lenitas. It always had been. It was a tool used to keep those on top firmly placed above the rest, to give those beneath something to aspire to. It had good roots, but over time, these roots had been forgotten, corrupted, then rotted into something ugly. I wanted to break that cycle. I wanted to make our moral code moral again. I saw nothing moral in the suffering of millions while a small portion of privileged people dictated the fate of the world from atop their castle ramparts—the ones not burned down yet by the Gurnot the news had titled “the Dragon.” And for what? Most of the rich and the clan leaders were so bloated with the wealth of the world, all they could do for entertainment was play their game, fighting for the crown, for more power. They’d forgotten about the rest of the world.
I thought, If I’m ever to become queen, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll fix it all. I’ll fix everything. It was a reason to make the date with Zawne go well.
Nnati and I were in the flyrarc on our way back to the capital when I told him about it. “The part I can’t believe is that Zawne wants to marry me. Me, over all the other girls in Geniverd.”
“Why not?” Nnati screwed up his face. “You’re gorgeous, well connected, smart, virtuous. Everyone wants to marry you.”
I rolled my eyes. Compliments never sounded real coming from Nnati. He was like a second brother to me; he had to be nice. “You’re just saying that,” I said. “I’ve struggled with Decens-Lenitas my whole life. I’ll never be as respectable as Lordin was. I’ll never be as beautiful.”
Nnati fixed his eyes on me. It was an angry look, like he wanted to scream at me. “Are you joking? You can’t be serious, Kaelyn. Do you even own a mirror? Men stumble just to look at you when we walk in the street. They smash face-first into signs, trip off the sidewalk, crane their necks in their flyrarcs. You’re gorgeous, Kaelyn. And as for being humble, being a good servant for the Decens-Lenitas fanatics—well, who cares? Lordin’s just a myth now. You’re real and virtuous in a meaningful way. Anyone can see that.”
I thought, Roki saw that. He saw it when no one else could.
“Thank you,” I said, feeling silly. Twice already
