Still, Maddie didn’t press the matter. Jade was clearly in a vulnerable place and Maddie didn’t want to push her.
Maddie put her mug down. ‘Better?’
Jade shrugged. ‘It’s just hard, you know?’ Her voice was low and trembling.
Maddie reached out for her hand. ‘I know. Trust me, I’ve had some struggles of my own in the past and I’ve… been to some dark places. Sometimes it’s hard to see past the mountain in the front of you, but there is light on the other side.’
‘Did you swallow a self-help book or something?’ Jade scoffed.
Maddie blushed. ‘Sorry, it’s just… I’m trying to help, that’s all.’
‘But you don’t know what it’s like, do you? You don’t have kids.’
Maddie shrugged. ‘No, but I know what it’s like to want to control a situation and feeling helpless when it’s taken out of your hands. I know what desperation feels like.’ She swallowed. ‘And I know what it feels like to not want to carry on.’
‘What happened to you?’
‘I don’t think I can—’
‘But it would help me to know. It would help me to feel understood if I knew what you had been through, not so alone.’
Maddie wasn’t sure if she was capable of sharing her story.
Annoyance flashed over Jade’s face. ‘Ok, well, if you don’t want to talk about it…’ She stood up abruptly, took Maddie’s half full cup from her hand and stalked into the kitchen. ‘I just thought you wanted to help, that’s all. I thought you were my friend.’
‘I am, but it’s not as simple as that. It’s… really painful for me. One day I will tell you. But not today. I haven’t got dressed for two days, I still feel awful and I don’t think I have the resolve to tell that story right now.’
Jade nodded, but there was hurt painted in bold colours in her eyes. ‘Fine.’
Maddie got up too. ‘Listen, I meant what I said. I am on your side and I want to help. I know I tell you to talk to me, that it will help, and I should be listening to my own advice, but know that I am here if you do want to talk to me about how you’re feeling. I don’t want you to feel alone.’
‘Thanks, I’m fine now. You can go. I know you’re not feeling well.’ Her lips were pulled into a straight line and her words were clipped.
Maddie watched her for a minute, but Jade had closed up.
‘Ok, but why don’t I take Ben out tomorrow? Give you a break?’
‘He has his music class tomorrow morning at 10 a.m.’
‘Ok, well, I could take him? I should be fine by then. What do you say?’ There was a terse nod, but no eye contact.
‘Great, I’ll see you then.’
Maddie let herself out.
*
Jade watched Maddie go. That went well. A twist of the gas ring, a subtle waft with a gossip magazine towards the air vent and she had created the panic she wanted. She hadn’t been entirely sure it would work, but it had been worth a try.
More than anything, she’d been curious to see how – or if – Maddie would react.
And boy, had she obliged! The look on Maddie’s face when she thought Jade had tried to gas herself was priceless.
Interesting.
Jade had a sense that Maddie was slowly losing interest, that her initial urge to build a friendship was cooling as she became more comfortable with living on her own. She was talking about starting a business and all sorts. That would mean she would have less time for Jade – and that couldn’t happen.
Jade felt like a spider on a web, inching towards her prey. She knew Maddie would be downstairs now, feeling terrible at freezing her out, wishing she had opened up and worrying that Jade would try something else. Another cry for help.
As if that was Jade’s style. Maddie didn’t know her well at all.
There was a lot at stake here, but all Maddie needed to see was what Jade wanted her to. On the other hand, Jade needed to know Maddie pretty well, most importantly if she was as innocent and trustworthy as she came across, but there was still so much Maddie was not revealing. It made Jade nervous, which was a feeling she was not familiar with. She liked to be in control, to know how things would pan out.
This was not comfortable territory for Jade.
Something had clearly gone on in the past that Maddie was holding onto tightly. Jade wanted to know what it was.
*
Maddie was tired.
Not only from the physical aftereffects of her recent bout of food poisoning, but also from the night before. After leaving Jade’s, she’d texted Greg and they had spent half an hour passing messages backwards and forwards – Maddie telling Greg about Jade and what was going on with her and Greg trying to convince Maddie to stay out of it, that it wasn’t good for her state of mind to get too involved.
Maddie knew he had a point, but she couldn’t just walk away from Jade – or rather, she couldn’t walk away from Ben. She couldn’t shake the feeling that Ben needed her, but she couldn’t say why. Just that she had an overwhelming urge to take care of him and it was something she couldn’t ignore. When she thought about having him all to herself today, her entire body fizzed.
She gathered up her handbag and shoved some mini boxes of raisins and a bag of breadsticks into her handbag and shrugged into her coat, enjoying the feeling of the smile riding her lips. As she grabbed her phone, it buzzed and vibrated in her hand. She expected it to be Greg again, following up on last night’s
