It’s dark other than the glow ‘n stick stars on her ceiling. I made her promise never to take them down. She hasn’t asked why, but if she did, I’d tell her it’s because they light the path straight to her. Fucking pathetic. Still, my chest warms knowing that even without me here, she’s kept them up.
She’s sleeping when I reach her bed, and I lean down to brush the strands of hair off her face. My eyes drink her in, gliding over her features, and memorizing every inch.
She’s so fucking beautiful.
She stirs as I trace my index finger down her cheek.
“Chase?” She blinks.
“Yeah, Goldi. It’s me.”
She stretches her arms, her tank top lifting and revealing her midriff. I swallow hard and look away. I feel her stare, though. She’s the only person in my life that looks through all the bullshit and dives straight into my soul. The only person I’d ever want to.
“What’s the matter, Chase?”
I crawl over her and slip under the covers. “Nothing’s wrong, I just wanted to see you.”
She turns to face me, sinking down on her side. “I thought you’d gone and wrote me off. Then here you are crawlin’ back in my window like you haven’t ignored me for the past three weeks.”
I cringe. “I know. I’m an asshole.”
“Is that your version of an apology?”
“It’s me saying I fucked-up and I know it. You make me feel… so much, Goldi. I don’t know how to handle it, sometimes.”
She reaches over, grabbing my hand and interlocking our fingers. “Apology accepted.”
Guilt slithers up my spine knowing I’m not planning on changing my ways. “I’ll probably fuck up again, you know.”
She yawns. “Yeah, probably.”
My throat is tight, clogged from all the things I want to tell her. “How you feeling today, Goldi?”
She doesn’t answer, already drifting back to sleep. I lay in the silence, content to just be in her presence, my thumb stroking lazily over the back of her hand.
“... you make me feel too, Chase.” I’m not even sure she’s awake when she says it.
It’s been a hard day, but like always, being around her lifts the heaviness from my chest, and for the first time in three weeks I can breathe again.
Tomorrow, I’ll be strong.
5
Alina
Fifteen Years Old
There’s a bonfire tonight down at the lake. It’s a tradition. A last hurrah for the end of summer. I’d rather stay home, and curl up with a good book instead.
“I think I’m gonna skip out on this one,” I tell Lily as she rampages my closet.
“Nope. I don’t accept that. Here, try this.” She thrusts a pink silk camisole in my face.
“Ugh, Lily, I literally cannot think of anything I wanna do less than sit in front of a fire in this heat.”
She points her finger at me. “You didn’t let me throw you a birthday party this year, this can be your apology.”
“I thought lettin’ you dress me up like a Barbie was the apology.”
“Nope, that’s just you making good choices.” She winks as she hands me a jean skirt.
I smile big and wide. It’s so good to have her here. She’s been gone a lot lately. Hanging out with a new group of people, and even when she is around, she’s off. After I went mother hen on her over that creep Darryl, she started pulling away. She swears up and down he’s out of the picture, but it’s hard to keep the faith when she disappears for days at a time.
I push back my worry and don’t bring him up. I’ve missed my best friend.
Becca busts through the door, a bottle of vodka in her hand I’m sure she stole from her mama’s secret stash. “Alright bitches, they don’t get me back ‘til Sunday. What are we gettin’ into?”
“Convincing Lee to come to the End of Summer Bonfire.” Lily glares at me, hands on her hips.
Becca laughs, placing the vodka on my desk. “Oh, Lee, it’s adorable how you think you have a choice.”
I sigh. “Who all’s gonna be there?”
Lily rolls her eyes. “Everyone. There’s only like twenty people in this town as it is, with nothing to do. Where else would they go?”
Becca grabs Lily’s phone as it chimes on the desk, and stares at the screen.
“Uhh... Lily, there’s someone named ‘Big D’ in your phone tellin’ you to be a good girl, and maybe he’ll re-up your stash.”
Lily rips the phone from her hand. “Jesus, Becca, mind your fucking business.”
Becca cocks an eyebrow. “Excuse me, Miss Priss? Seems like you need me to make it my business.”
Lily’s body is coiled tight. “Oh, please. Just because your dad’s the preacher of this Podunk town doesn’t mean you have the right to invade people’s lives whenever you please.”
I’m too busy processing the fact Lily needs a “stash” to be offended by her words about the town I’ve lived in my whole life. My eyebrows draw together. “Lil, what the heck is goin’ on with you? You can talk to us, you know?”
She ignores me, fingers flying over the keyboard, and breathing heavy like she just ran a marathon. Her phone rings and she mutters something about privacy as she scurries out of the room.
My mouth is hanging as I meet Becca’s eyes. She raises her arms out to the side mouthing, “What the fuck?”
I shake my head in disbelief.
A few hours later, we make it to the lake. It’s a balmy night, and everyone who’s anyone is here. People cluster in groups along the bank. There are a few Adirondack chairs around the fire, and my booty is sitting comfortably in one for the duration. I’m nursing a warm, stale beer in a red Solo cup, pretending to listen to Ricky Walker tell me all about his daddy’s fishing store. But my eyes are on Chase. That ratchet girl Suzy Abbott has her breasts pressed up so tight to his side, I’m surprised she can breathe.
When she leans up to whisper in his ear, my stomach burns
