My jaw tics as I take him in. He’s skinny as fuck, short brown hair that’s tipped with blond, pockmarks scattered on his face. He’s wearing a white undershirt stained with something brown, chains dangling from his neck. Good. Easier to strangle the life out of him if he’s so much as touched my sister.
“Yeah?” he asks, scratching his stomach.
“I’m looking for Lily. Is she here?”
His eyes open a bit more, scanning me. “Who’s askin’?”
“Her brother.”
His posture straightens, a smirk covering his face as he moves to the side, and waves his arm inviting me inside. “She’s around here somewhere. Flyin’ high in the sky.” He takes the cigarette from his mouth, chuckling like it’s a joke.
My fists clench. I will fuck this guy up. I move past him, keeping the lid on my rage and focus on what’s important—finding Lily.
I walk into the house and scan my surroundings. The living room is trashed. A few random people lounge around in mismatched chairs and bean bags. There are lines of white on the coffee table and my heart sinks.
I should have listened.
I move down a hallway, checking rooms as I go. Finally, I get to the last room on the right. Before I even open the door, the smell of burning plastic assaults my nostrils. Memories of a past I try to forget flash through my mind. I close my eyes and breathe deep, fighting the urge to throw up my dinner.
I turn the handle but pause before taking a step, trying to calm my nerves at what I already know I’ll find. I walk into the room and my heart fucking stops.
Lily is laid out on a bare mattress. Burned foil litters the floor around her, a lighter and straw next to her hand. The lighting is low. Just a lamp in the corner of the room casting an eerie glow over this completely fucked-up situation.
“Lil,” I gasp, rushing to her side. She doesn’t stir. I drop, foil crunching under my knees, and grab her shoulders. “Lily, fuck. Wake up.” I shake her, but she doesn’t fucking move.
This isn’t happening.
I slide my arms underneath her, picking her up, her body limp in my arms. The only thing keeping me together is watching her chest move with her breaths. It’s slow, but it’s there. I focus on getting her the fuck out of this shithole and to a hospital.
The guy who opened the door is slumped on the couch when I get to the living room.
“Call an ambulance,” I snap at him.
His cloudy gaze sweeps over Lily in my arms, but he shakes his head. “No can do, my man. If she dies, it ain’t gonna be on my property.”
Black rage surges through me, blinding my vision. If I wasn’t terrified that every second wasted was a second closer to losing Lily, I would tear this motherfucker apart. Instead, I shake it off, rushing out the door.
I’m dialing 911 as soon as I get Lily in my backseat. I’m panicking and have no clue where the fuck to go. The operator calms me down, letting me know I’m less than five minutes from a hospital. Somehow I get us there in one piece.
There’s a group of people in scrubs waiting for us outside the hospital doors. I throw my car in park, jumping out as they move forward to take Lily from the back. I try to pay attention to what they’re saying, but the adrenaline pumping through me makes it hard to focus. Before I know what’s happening, they whisk her away. I drop onto the asphalt, my breaths coming quick, fear crippling my insides.
It’s a few hours later and Lily’s stable. That’s the only thing that has provided me any relief since the moment I found her unconscious on the mattress.
How could I have let this happen?
The whisper of Sam soothing Anna while she cries makes me ache for Goldi. But I don’t call her. I don’t deserve any solace. Words of rehabilitation are mentioned, pamphlets are exchanged, and just like that the hospital wipes their hands of Lily, preparing to discharge her within a few hours.
Sam, Anna, and I go down to the cafeteria after Lily asks for a minute to rest. They’re both talking to me, but I don’t pay attention. I’m too busy sinking into the depths of my self-loathing. This is my fault. If I had just paid more attention. Not gotten so caught up in my own life… in Goldi.
Eventually, we make it back to Lily’s room, preparing for the tough conversations ahead. But when we walk in, the room’s empty.
She’s gone.
Everybody always leaves.
12
Chase
Twenty Years Old
“Chase, are you even listening to me?”
I look at Lindsay, her bleached-blonde hair covering half of her face as she leans over her textbook. She sniffs like she has a cold. We aren’t in a class together anymore, but we still meet once a week to study.
“Yeah, I’m listening.”
I’m not.
Lindsay sniffs again, looking at me through her lashes, a smirk on her face. “What did I say, then?”
I don’t answer. I’m too busy wondering why I even bother with this charade of school anymore. After Lily made her great escape, I was firm in the decision of staying home and helping Sam and Anna try to find her. They fought me, convinced I should continue to “live my life.”
What a fucking joke.
They’ve been searching for a year now, and no luck. They hang on to their hope, but I know better. No love is greater than a love affair with drugs.
In all honesty, I’m still at ETU to
