I set her dad up in his recliner after we eat and hang out with him for a bit to shoot the shit. He starts to doze off and I head back to the kitchen to check in on Goldi. She’s at the sink, soapsuds up to her arms as she slowly washes the dishes. It looks like she’s in a trance, staring out the window, lost in her thoughts.
I walk up beside her, wedging myself between the corner of the fridge and the counter, watching her rub the wet sponge over the surface of a red plate.
“How you feeling, Goldi?” Every time I use her nickname, I hold my breath, waiting to see if she gets upset. I’ve slipped up a few times and she hasn’t called me on it, so I use it now to test the waters.
Her arms pause and her jaw tightens, but she doesn’t correct me. She just looks back down to the plate and resumes washing it.
I cross my arms, leaning against the fridge. “Are we back to this, again? Did I do something to upset you?”
She peeks over at me but bites her lip to keep from saying anything.
I chuckle. “Now I know something’s up. It’s not like you to hold back. Did you finally learn how to hone that filter?” I go for teasing, but it misses the mark as she drops the plate and sponge in the water, twisting her head to stare me down. Even with the rage that swirls around her irises, she’s fucking beautiful.
“Don’t act cute,” she hisses, pointing a soapy finger at me.
I raise my brows and point at myself. “Me? What am I doing?”
“You know exactly what you’re doin’. Comin’ in here, takin’ care of me and Daddy like you have any right. Tryin’ to weave your way back into my good graces. Make me forget about the past. Well, I’m done playin’ your games, Chase.”
“Whoa… that is not what I’m trying to do. There isn’t some ulterior motive here, Goldi.”
She slams her hands on the edge of the sink. “Stop callin’ me that! You don’t get to call me that anymore. It’s confusin’. Makes me feel like we’re still…”
“Still what?” I ask, moving closer to her.
She exhales. “Still us.”
My insides burn at her words, and I move in next to her. “We’ll always be us, Goldi.”
Her head jerks. “I don’t accept that.”
“You don’t have to.” I shrug. “Doesn’t change the fact.”
She huffs. “Facts, huh? Here’s a fact. You were sleepin’ with someone else while my mama was dyin’.” She inhales a shaky breath. “So you can’t just come back here and expect things to magically be okay.”
My stomach drops to my feet. What? Does she think… I cover my mouth, the realization she’s spent the last eight years thinking I cheated on her making bile burn my throat. What the fuck.
My hands grip her hips, turning her body to face me. Her soapy hands soak through my shirt as she tries to push me away, but I glide my palms up her sides until I’m firmly gripping her shoulders, anchoring her in place. I need to keep her here. Make sure she hears what I’m about to say. This is important.
“Baby…” The endearment makes her stop fighting. “I’ve done a lot of things I regret when it comes to you. To us. Got lost in my head and let you slip through my fingers, instead of treating you like the fucking queen you are. I know I’m guilty of that.”
She looks to the side. I put my fingers under her chin and turn her face back. I want her eyes on me for this. “I have never cheated on you. There isn’t anything in this world that would make me pick a quick thrill over what we had. What we still have.”
“I don’t believe you,” she whispers.
My gut tightens, but I’m not surprised by her words. “That picture on Facebook looked bad. Missing your recital was bad. Being blind to Lindsay manipulating me—allowing her to come between us was beyond bad. But that’s all it was, Alina. Lindsay’s manipulations and my fucked-up brain thinking she was my penance. A way to right my wrongs with Lily and my mom.”
Tears well in her eyes. I’m desperate to get it all out while I have her attention. “I passed out that day. Do you remember me saying I was about to take a nap?” She nods. “Lindsay was there, which I admit, was fucking stupid. I’m not justifying my actions. She turned off my phone and slipped into my bed. But baby, I was asleep. You have to know—” My voice breaks, and I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Lindsay was a horrible mistake, but she wasn’t that kind of mistake. You have to know I would never do that to you.”
She gazes at me, searching for the truth. “Do I? I don’t know anything about you. Not anymore.”
The side of my mouth lifts. “You know that’s not true. When it comes to us, Goldi, we’ll always know each other.” My hand moves from under her chin, dipping down to her neck, her pulse jumping underneath my fingertips. “We could go our entire lives without speaking, and still, I’d know you in the next one.”
She exhales, and I rest my forehead against hers. Her hands are still on my chest and I grab one, moving it until her palm is resting on my heart. “Do you feel that?” I whisper. “Feel how fast my heart is racing? Feel what you do to me?”
She nods against me.
“My heart fucking beats for you, Goldi. So please, don’t
