Becca ends up staying the night, passing out on my couch shortly after she decided to avoid all conversation regarding Eli. I know what I heard. But it’s just too crazy to believe. She’s way too opinionated for someone like him, and he’d need to give up some of that precious control of his to have her. Yeah, right. Plus, there’s no way on God’s green earth Becca would hook up with my brother and not tell me about it.
I’m still thinking about it the next day while I’m sitting in the office and typing up a blog post for the Tiny Dancers website. Chase waltzes in, interrupting my thoughts, and my entire body fills up with my smile.
I love him.
My heart grows wings, flapping around my chest at the thought.
“Hey, baby.” He leans down, kissing me. “Fuck, I missed you. Please tell me I get to see you tonight.”
“You get to see me tonight,” I speak against his lips.
“Do you want to go grab something to eat? I’m about to head out for some wings with the guys, thought I’d see if you wanted to come along.”
I scrunch up my nose. I don’t like wings. “Bleh. Pass. Thanks, though.”
His face droops with disappointment, but I’d rather work through lunch and have time to stop for tulips on the way to Mama’s grave.
“Okay. But I’ll see you tonight? Want to go to the lake? Supposed to be a nice night.”
I beam at the thought. “I’d love that.”
He grins. “Alright, I’ll pick you up at your place.”
“I won’t be home until a little later. I’m gonna go visit Mama.”
His eyes gain a sadness to their hazel hue. We haven’t really delved into the “Mama” conversation yet, and that’s okay. I don’t particularly care for the weight that comes along with the topic.
“Okay, baby. Call me if you need me.” He presses a kiss to my temple, then reaches down and slips his hand under my skirt, grabbing a fistful of skin.
“Hey! Watch your hand, mister.” I laugh, smacking him away.
“Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He winks.
Just like that, he lifts the heaviness.
A few hours later, my feet slip over the freshly watered grass surrounding the path that leads to Mama.
My heart palpitates as I stand in front of her tombstone. I expected it to be in disarray—wilting flowers, some leaves that need to be cleaned. But it’s pristine. Cleaner than I’ve ever seen it, like someone took the time to meticulously scrub away all the dirt and grime. Fresh tulips sit in a vase with an envelope placed underneath. I step closer and peer down at the writing.
Dear, Ma.
My heart squeezes tight, forcing tears to trickle from my eyes. Eli came to see her. I wondered if he would. All the anger I felt toward him washes away, and I cry for my big brother.
“Hey, Mama.” I lay the flowers I brought along the bottom of her tombstone. “I see you had another visitor. I bet you’ve been missin’ him somethin’ fierce, huh?” I sit cross-legged, resting my elbows on my knees. “I’ve been askin’ for you to bring Eli home for years, and you finally did it. So thanks, I suppose. Although, this isn’t the way I expected it to happen.” I chuckle.
“Did you know he was gettin’ hitched?” I rest my chin in my hand. “I bet you were spyin’ on every second of him fallin’ in love, just couldn’t help yourself.”
Memories slide behind my eyes of Mama fussing over Eli and his “lonely heart.”
“Did you send Chase back to me, too?” A leaf blows onto my knee, and I pick it up, fingering the delicate greenery.
“You’re just movin’ down the list, huh?” I chew on my lip, frowning. “When ya gonna get to Daddy? Can you go be his guardian angel for a bit? I miss him almost as much as I miss you. For almost as long too.”
The breeze picks up, leaving a chill on my skin that’s unusual for this time of year. I close my eyes and meditate on the feeling—try to reach out and grasp a connection to Mama’s spirit. Eventually, a car door slams bringing me out of my reverie.
With a kiss to her name, I leave.
There’s a text waiting for me when I get to my car. I smile, seeing Jax’s name on my phone. He’s finally reaching out. I’ve wanted to smother him with my presence, but I know things are still raw. He says he needs space, so I’ve been trying to give that to him.
Jax: Hey sweetheart. What ya up to? Can we get together tonight? I’ve got some news.
Me: I’m busy tonight, but I’m all yours tomorrow evening! Wanna go out or stay in?
Jax: Shit, can’t do tomorrow.
Me: You going to Sam’s party on Saturday?
He’s leaving town soon to go back to California, but I hope I get at least one more weekend with him before he does.
Jax: Yep. I’ll be there to steal the show.
I grin.
It’s a beautiful night at the lake. But it always is when I’m there with Chase. Once again, we’re lying on the afghan in the back of his black pickup truck. Only this time, I’m not having to fight my feelings. No need to hesitate before reaching over and grabbing his hand, or rolling over and putting my head on his chest.
He tells me about the private investigator coming, and I vent my fears about Daddy. Mainly, that he won’t be able to string together a “congrats” for Sam at his retirement party. Once we’ve lightened the weight of what’s bringing us down, we’re able to relax, and just enjoy the peace that comes along with being together beneath the stars.
He trails kisses down the column of my neck, and my body trembles under his touch. My stomach tightens as his hand dips below my summer dress.
“Have I ever told you how much I fucking love the fact you always wear skirts and dresses?” He slips
