The front door slammed. Anthony! Alec jumped up and pulled me to my feet. My brother walked in on what appeared like a normal conversation between his sister and her boyfriend—except for the telltale sound of the water lapping against the bed frame as it calmed.
He nodded. “Alec.”
“Anthony,” he responded.
“Alec was just dropping me off and was thirsty, so I let him come in for a drink,” I explained.
“In your bedroom?” His sarcasm abounded.
“I was just showing him around. He’s leaving.”
My brother eyed the room once more, glared at Alex and stalked off.
“You better go,” I whispered.
Alec gazed longingly at the waterbed and back to me. He bent down to give me a quick kiss. “See ya, beautiful.”
I walked him to the door, uttering an audible sigh as the lock clicked. I slowly walked back to my bedroom and shut the door. My body shook as the tears spilled. I had to break up with him. He scared me. If my brother hadn’t come home today, who knows what would have happened? Alec wanted more than I wanted to give. Even though he was sweet, and we shared an undeniable attraction, he could also be pushy, domineering and egotistical. To stay in the relationship would mean only one thing: going all the way. And I wasn’t ready. When I chose to give up my virginity, I wanted it to be with someone I loved who respected me.
I called my friends for advice. Katy said I was stupid for even thinking of breaking up with Alec, believing he was the catch of the senior class, but Michelle understood and supported my decision.
I tried to keep my resolve throughout the day and appear normal whenever I collided with Alec, but he was perceptive.
He materialized at my locker after the final bell rang. “What’s with you today? You’re acting weird.”
Do it. “I’m sorry. Can we talk?”
“Sure. Shoot.”
Lockers slammed and students bumped into each other, streaming down the hallways to board the buses. “Not here.”
We walked out of the building and stopped near the office, finding a semi-private space away from nosy gawkers.
I took a deep breath. “I want to break up.” The words sounded strange out loud.
“Why?” he demanded, shock clear on his face.
“I’m not ready for a relationship with you, or at least, not the kind you want to have.”
“And what sort is that? The kind where I love you? The kind where I adore you? The kind where I treat you like a fucking queen?”
Did he just say he loved me? I faltered. Maybe I was making a big mistake. If he loved me, he wasn’t just using me. “Please don’t be mad. I like you a lot, Alec, but everything is moving so fast, and I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“You are an immature little girl,” he sneered. “I don’t know why I bothered. I could have any girl in this school and I picked you. Are you grateful? No, you’re a sniveling little brat. Go back to your sophomore boys, Anna. Maybe they can meet your sophomore needs.”
Anxiety pumped through my veins. I started to cry. “I’m sorry.”
His eyes narrowed with disdain. “Yes, you are.” He turned abruptly and stalked off, leaving my imploring stare behind without a second glance.
Through my tears, I made it to the bus. I cried all the way home, chest heaving with each new wave of sorrow and regret. Once home, I ran to my room and slumped against my bed, sliding down to the padded carpet. What Alec said was so hurtful and yet true. Immature little girl, stupid, ungrateful...and I had thrown away a relationship with one of the cutest guys at school. He said he loved me! First I blew it with Pete, now Alec. How did I go from having two boys like me to none?
Maybe I could still fix it, if he would consider taking me back. Fresh tears welled in my eyes. Why would he? He was right. About everything.
12
Lost
Within a few weeks, I stopped moping around, my tears dried up, and I “rejoined the world” as my mother called it. Now I was completely ignored by two boys at school—Alec and Pete. It was back to Katy, Michelle and me.
I swore off men. They were nothing but trouble, and I contented myself with listening to my buddies talk endlessly about which guys they pined over, who they thought liked them, who had King Size Levi Bulges, which drove cool cars and whatever else they could titter about. Michelle’s new look had garnered her fresh attention from the male species, so she had more to contribute to the conversation, which made me genuinely happy.
With Christmas right around the corner, I busied myself with Trapani holiday rituals. I helped my mother make hundreds of traditional Italian S-shaped cookies, many of which she would give away to neighbors, plus two dozen cannoli shells, which we would pipe with a creamy and sweet cheesy filling for Christmas Eve dessert.
One chilly Saturday evening, my family drove to a lot in Berkeley to select our tree, which we mounted in front of our living room window facing the street. With the home’s high ceilings, we could accommodate a towering ten-foot Douglas Fir, which we decked with colored lights illuminated by golden foils, ornaments acquired across the decades and strands of glistening silver tinsel.
School closed for winter break and my mom let me take the bus downtown one weekday so I could Christmas shop at the department stores, making me promise to be careful.
I shopped for three hours, finding presents for everyone on my list except Michelle. I sat on a bench to rest, and a familiar face walked past the perfume
