Beautiful Losers

loud and torn 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 lost in needles of pine, tenant of meat freezer, fallen on squeezed knees searching hair for antennae, rubbing blue Aladdin prick, calling you, testing sky cables, poking blood buttons, finger fucks in star porridge, dentist drill in forehead bone, broken like convict stone, calling you calling you, frightened of stew, signals filthy laundry of this mind rubber girls aside, wafer banana skins of vaudeville, black air filled with pies of humiliation, no AC outlet beneath scalped hair, testing, testing the last dance, rubber scorpion on pillow of tit, handfuls of milk flung at doctors, calling you to call me, calling you to pull me if only once, fake proof accepted, plastic birchbark accepted, calling, artificial limb accepted, Hong Kong sex auxiliaries accepted, money confessions accepted, wigs of celanese acetate accepted, come pills, postcards of old-fashioned uncle sucking accepted even as ideal brown Plato, movie seat rubbing accepted, fat stage tease accepted and lap hats hiding hairy windows of underwear accepted, gratefully accepted, astrology boredom accepted, wife limit accepted, cop-gun deaths, urban voodoo accepted, false harem smells accepted, dimes accepted, seance feels up lonely old lady thighs, criminal bridge sales accepted, Zabbatai vote buttons worn in stigmata places, market Moses horns, square earth theories accepted, microscope girdles for Tom that failed, cunt dictionaries illustrated deceptively in vellum fuzz, calling you now, all reasons accepted, rope buttock creases, luminous highway Mary houses, pharmacy visions unrevoked, Zen Ph.D. tolerated, unpolished enemas, no references required, academic fashion ecstasy believed, dirty cars, all my baffled unbelief calling you with bowed physical brain terror, testing 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9, unelectric head calling.

52

Phrase-book on my knees, I beseech the Virgin everywhere.

KATERI TEKAKWITHA AT THE WASH HOUSE

(hers the lovely italics)

I bring you linens for washing

I need them until to-morrow

what do you think? Can you get them ready until tomorrow?

they are absolutely necessary to me

especially my shirts

as for the others, I must have them the most late until the day after tomorrow

I want them entirely new and clear

a shirt is missing for me, a handkerchief and a pair of stockings, too I want this back

I want this costume to be cleared

when can I get it?

I have, too, a dress, a coat, trousers, a tressed waistcoat, a blouse, underclothes, stockings, so forth.

I shall come back again after three days to get them

please, iron them for me

yes, sir. Come to get them

what do you think about the trousers?

I like it. That’s what I want

when will my suit be ready?

after a week

it takes a lot of work

I shall make you a wonderful suit

I shall come to take it myself

no, don’t come!

we shall send it ourselves to your house, sir

good. Then I shall be waiting for it on next Saturday

the suit is dear

the suit is cheap

you are a good tailor

thank you

goodbye.

later I shall get another one

as you like, sir

we shall satisfy you very much

KATERI TEKAKWITHA AT THE TOBACCONISTS

(hers the lovely italics)

Can you, please, tell me where is a tovacconist-shop?

at the corner of the road on the right, sir

in front of you, sir

give me, please, a box of cigarettes

what kind of cigarettes have you?

We have excellent cigarettes

I want some tobacco for pipe

I want heavy cigarettes

I want light cigarettes

Give me a box of matches, too

I want a cigarette-case, a good lighter, cigarettes

how much do all these cost?

twenty shillings, sir

thank-you. Goot-bye

KATERI TEKAKWITHA AT THE BARBER’S SHOP

(hers the lovely italics)

the hair-dresser

the hair

the beard

the moustache

the soap

the cold water

the comb

the brush

I want to shave myself

please, sit down!

please, come in!

please, shave me!

please, cut my hair very short behind

not very short

wash my hair!

please, brush me

I shall come back

I’m pleased

until when is the barber’s shop open?

until 8 o’clock in the evening

I shall come to shave myself regularly

thank-you, good bye

we will treat you as well as we can, because you are our client

KATERI TEKAKWITHA AT THE POST-OFFICE

(hers the lovely italics)

where is the Post-Office, sir?

I’m a foreign here, excuse me

ask that sir

he knows French, German

he will help you

please, show me the Post-Office

it’s there on the opposite side

I want to send a letter

give me some postage-stamps

I want to send something

I want to send a telegram

I want to send a package

I want to send an urgent letter

have you your passport?

have you your identity?

yes, sir

I want to send a check

give me a post card

how much will I pay for sending a package?

15 shillings, sir

thank-you good-bye

KATERI TEKAKWITHA AT THE TELEGRAPHIC-OFFICE

(hers the lovely italics)

what do you want, sir?

I want to send a telegram

with a paid answer?

how much does the word cost? fifty pence a word

a telegram for

it’s dear, but never mind

will the telegram be late to go?

how long does it take to go?

two days, sir

It isn’t a long time

I shall send a telegram to my parents to

I hope that they will take it tomorrow

there is a long time and I didn’t get any news from them

I think they will answer to me telegraphically

take, please, the money for the telegram

goodbye. Thanks.

KATERI TEKAKWITHA AT THE BOOKSELLER’S

(hers the lovely italics)

goodmornig, sir

may I choose any books?

with pleasure. What do you want? Choose!

I want to buy a journey book

I want to know England and Ireland

Do you want anything else?

I want a lot of books, but, as I see, they are dear

we shall do a little decline of prices for you if you get many books

we have books of every kind. Cleap and dear

do you want them bound or not bound?

I want bound books those they aren’t destroyed

here they are

How much does it cost?

four dollars

have you any dictionary?

I have

please, envelop them

I shall take them with me

thank you very much

good-bye!

O God, O God, I have asked for too much, I have asked for everything! I hear myself asking for everything in every sound I make. I did not know, in my coldest terror, I did not know how much I needed. O God, I