And even the good people
who wanted to change things,
they hated them too
and called them social fascists.
They had plans for criminals
like my uncles and aunties
and they even had plans
for my poor little mother
who had slipped out of Lithuania
with two frozen apples
and a bandanna full of monopoly money.
They never let me get near the girl
and the girl never let me get near the girl.
She became more and more beautiful
until she married a lawyer
and became a social fascist herself
and very likely a criminal too.
But I admired the Communists
for their pig-headed devotion
to something absolutely wrong.
198
It was years before I found something comparable for
myself:
I joined a tiny band of steel-jawed zealots
who considered themselves
the Marines of the spiritual world. It's just a matter of
time:
we'll be landing this raft
on the Other Shore,
we'll be taking that beach
on the Other Shore.
199
Love Itself
The light came through the window now
straight from the sun above,
and so inside my little room
there plunged the rays of Love.
In streams of light I clearly saw
the dust you seldom see,
the dust the Nameless makes to speak
a Name for one like me.
And all mixed up with sunlight now
the flecks did float and dance
and I was tumbled up with them
in formless circumstance.
I'll try to say a little more:
this Love went on and on
until it reached an open door -
Then Love itself was gone.
The self-same moment words were seen
from every window frame,
but there was nothing left between
the Nameless and the Name.
200
Not A Jew
Anyone who says
I'm not a Jew
is not a Jew
I'm very sorry
but this is final
so says:
Eliezar, son of Nissan,
priest of Israel;
a.k.a
Nightingale of the Sinai,
Yom Kippur 1973;
a.k.a
Jikan the Unconvincing,
zen monk;
a.k.a
Leonard Cohen,
Certified Food Worker,
San Bernadino County, CA;
a.k.a
The Founder,
Order of the Unified Heart;
a.k.a
The Best Dressed Man in Montreal
(local newspaper)
201
Seisen Is Dancing
Seisen has a long body.
Her shaved head
threatens the skylight
and her feet go down
into the vegetable cellar.
When she dances for us
at one of our infrequent celebrations,
the dining hall
with it's cargo of weightless monks and nuns,
bounces around her hips
like a hula-hoop.
The venerable old pine trees
crack out of sentry duty
and get involved,
as do the San Gabriel mountains
and the flat cities
of Claremont, Upland
and the Inland Empire.
And ocean speaks to ocean
saying, What the hell,
let's go with it, rouse ourselves.
The Milky Way undoes its spokes
and cleaves to Seisen's haunches,
as do the worlds beyond,
and worlds unborn,
not to mention darkest holes
of brooding anti-matter,
and random flying mental objects
like this poem,
fucking up the atmosphere.
It's all going round her hips,
and what her hips enclose;
it's all lit up by her face,
her ownerless expression.
And then there's this aching fool
over here, no, over here
who thinks that
Seisen's still a woman,
who's trying to find a place to stand
where Seisen isn't Dancing.
202
To A Young Nun
This undemanding love
that our staggered births
have purchased for us --
You in your generation,
I in mine.
I am not the one
you are looking for.
You are not the one
I've stopped looking for.
How sweetly time
disposes of us
as we go arm in arm
over the Bridge of Details:
Your turn to chop.
My turn to cook.
Your turn to die for love.
My turn to resurrect.
203
You Are Right,Sahara
You are right, Sahara. There are no mists, or veils, or distances. But the mist is
surrounded by a mist; and the veil is hidden behind a veil; and the distance
continually draws away from the distance. That is why there are no mists, or veils, or
distances. That is why it is called The Great Distance of Mist and Veils. It is here that
The Traveler becomes The Wanderer, and The Wanderer becomes The One Who Is
Lost, and The One Who Is Lost becomes The Seeker, and The Seeker becomes The
Passionate Lover, and The Passionate Lover becomes The Beggar, and The Beggar
becomes The Wretch, and The Wretch becomes The One Who Must Be Sacrificed,
and The One Who Must Be Sacrificed becomes The Resurrected One and The
Resurrected One becomes The One Who has Transcended The Great Distance of Mist
and Veils. Then for a thousand years, or the rest of the afternoon, such a One spins in
the Blazing Fire of Changes, embodying all the transformations, one after the other,
and then beginning again, and then ending again, 86,000 times a second. Then such a
one, if he is a man, is ready to love the woman Sahara; and such a one, if she is a
woman, is ready to love the man who can put into song The Great Distance of Mist
and Veils. Is it you who are waiting, Sahara, or is it I?
204
Sorrows Of The Eldrely
The old are kind
but the young are hot.
Love may be blind
but Desire is not.
205
The Goal
I can´t leave my house
or answer the phone.
I´m going down again
but feeling no pain.
And thatś the great change
and mercy to boot ---
the enemyś dead
and I don´t have to shoot.
But as for the fall:
it was writ long ago
and I can´t stop it now ---
I´m rain and I´m snow.
And I settle at last
on the ground of my soul
in shapes of the past
and shapes that unfold.
I sit in my chair
and I look at the street --
the enemyś gone
and his absence is sweet!
I move with the leaves
I shine with the chrome
I´m almost alive
I´m almost at home.
But please do not follow
I´ve nothing to teach:
except that the goal
falls short of the reach.
206
Book Of Longing
(Dear Reader)
I can´t make the hills
The system is shot
I´m living on pills
for which I thank G-d
Thereś sun in the leaves
and birds in the tree.
Nobody believes
itś written by Thee.
I used to be song
I used to be cock
but time is long gone
past my laughingstock
I bid you good-bye
Thereś nothing to add
I´ve tried and I try
to stop going mad
I followed the course
from chaos to art
My dick was the horse
my life was the cart
I´m back at my desk
(the end of the line)
a bee in my breast
a snake in my spine
The silverware shines
that my mother left
to me when she died
fulfilled and bereft
207
My leash is too long
I think that I´m free
I´d leap at the young
but I´m sixty-three
I know what I want
It took many lives
I´m cured by the cunt
I´m killed by
