“It’s ok you know, to be upset. And to not want to talk about them. But it’s also good to talk about them. To keep their memory alive. It’s ok to miss them too.” He stops walking and turns so we are facing each other still holding my one hand. His hair has slightly fallen over his eyes as he is looking down at me and I really want to move it with my fingers.
“I know we don’t really know each other and I’ve been a complete ass this past month, but I just want you to know, you’re not alone here. In Rivers. I meant what I said yesterday about a connection between us and I can’t explain it to you, but I’m just asking for you to give me a chance. So I can prove that I’m a good guy, I’m not just what people say about me.” He looks the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen him. But the most sincere.
“Let me prove that I am a man that can take care of you.” He uses the hand not holding mine and beats it against his chest again like he did at the cafe. But gentler this time. It makes me smile, but I don’t find it funny this time. Now it’s just intense. I think my hearts about to beat out of my chest.
“But I don’t need to be taken care of. I’ve got to learn to do it on my own. You know? They’re not coming back, I know that now. I just feel like I’m a baby again, just taking my first steps. Trying to get my balance. But this time round I don’t have the support I had before. It’s just the way it is, and I have to learn to deal with it.” He takes my other hand and pulls me closer to him, pulling our hands up in between us.
“You’re not alone. And I can tell that you don’t need someone to take care of you. I can see that in you. You’re a strong person, but....I want to take care of you. I can’t help it. I can't explain our connection Alexia, but it’s just in me to take care of you. To protect you. You have me for support. Whenever you need it. ” He puts his hands on either side of my face and places a kiss on the top of my head.
It’s one of the sweetest things anyone apart from my parents has ever done.
“Thanks Logan.”
We carry on walking hand in hand. I ask him questions about his family, his siblings. He doesn’t ask me questions, but sometimes I’ll add my own little story about my family. I’m grateful he’s not pushing it. Today is the most I’ve talked about my family since that night.
The more we talk, the more I start to think how wrong I was about him. After only two days of actually talking to him, no matter how much I tell myself that I’m not ready for a relationship, where my heart and Logan are concerned I don’t think I’m going to have a choice soon.
But my head keeps reminding me that I can’t have him. He has someone else that he’s arranged to be married to, however archaic that may seem to me. It’s the truth. I want to believe Logan when he says he can deal with it and I believe that he thinks he can.
But I don’t think he has a choice either.
Chapter Eight
Back Off
I turn to face him in the truck as we are almost back to my house. My house. It still feels slightly strange calling it my house, but it also feels right.
“Thanks for today Logan. I had a really great time.” We spent the rest of the day after our gentle hike, just talking about everything and anything and driving whichever direction we wanted as promised. There were a few questions I wanted to ask him but I didn’t really have the courage to ask.
Like Tara.
Like how he heard me.
Like the electricity thing.
My phone tings with a message, I look at it and see it’s from Amber.
Amber: Did you forget to tell me something? Wink wink! I want the details..... All of them! I’ll come get you for school in the morning.
Me :huh????
I quickly type back my reply.
“Something wrong? You look confused?” Logan asks. I shake my head and shrug.
“Just Amber. She just sent a strange text. No need to worry.” I’m feeling a little disappointed. I don’t want the day to end. I really have had a nice day. And driving with Logan today has actually made me realise how much I miss driving. I think I will take Chris up on his offer tomorrow.
“If your sure. Want me to give you a lift to school in the morning? I don’t mind.” He asks as we pull up in front of my porch. And both get out the car. We meet by the front of the truck. It’s a little dirty now from our days driving. I hear my phone go off again but decide to ignore it for now.
“No it’s fine. Thanks though. Amber is going to come and get me. Your cars all dirty now. I think you're going to have a job cleaning it.” I say, pointing to the car. He just looks at me with a huge cheeky grin on his face.
“Well technically we both made it dirty so I think it’s only fair that you help me clean it.” He has a smile on his face like he has just had the best idea in the world.
“Oh really? Well
