“Here, drink this.” He offers me the mug, and when I push my hands out from below the cover and make sure my hold on the item isn’t violently unstable, he releases it.
The instant my lips sip the hot drink my eyes sparkles with a small inch of delight, adding an extra emotion other than my fear and pain.
It’s hot chocolate.
Adam lays down next to my figure, making sure to give me my space before switching his concerned gaze to a somehow playful one as he points to the TV with his head. “Eyes on the TV, Evie.”
He switches on Legally Blond on Netflix just as the words hit my ears, and I couldn’t help but eye him in surprise. How did he know? How did he know of my associated trouble with thunder? How did he know what to do? How did he know what my mother used to tell me? How did he know that I drink hot chocolate when things turn out horrible? How did he know that ‘Legally Blond’ is the movie I’d watch in such familiar conditions?
As if he can crystal clearly catch the question and surprise from my eyes, he raises his eyebrows, and his expression turns serious. “What? Just because you lost your memories and got engaged to Adrien means I couldn’t check up on you?” Then in a much softer tone he says, “I’d always ask about you, Evangeline, even if we’re no longer together.”
Not being able to form any coherent words, I try and muster gratitude on my face.
“Don’t thank me.” He averts his gaze to the TV then back to me again then continues with a sudden profound guilt. “I’ve been waiting for you to come down or maybe hoping you would whereas I should’ve been up there to check up on you ever since it started, but I didn’t. I was afraid you’d take it as me crossing my boundaries and your privacy.”
My eyes drown in his grey ones, and I couldn’t help myself. With the amount of guilt swimming in his eyes, that he shouldn’t be feeling after what he did to help me, I switch my hold on the mug to the other hand and place my right hand on his left one, squeezing it.
“T-thank y-you.”
With that said, silence drowns the conversation, and our gazes turn back to the TV. Somewhere during my nervous breakdown though, my lungs started breathing, my heart beats went back to normal, and the nausea and the pain were almost gone. Maybe it was the fact that Adam’s position next to me was a good source of distraction; maybe it was the fact that his presence was calming, or maybe it was the fact that somewhere during the silence, when my state was still terrifyingly awful, I felt my hand being placed onto a soft pillow on his lap, and even though I tried not to look away from the movie, I felt it.
I felt the smooth hand, with its gentle fingers, softly drawing comforting circles on the back of mine.
Chapter 19
It’s been a week since the night of my panic attack’s trigger. Time flew by real fast, and I didn’t know if I was glad by this fact or not. Even though Adam’s presence in the house drastically belittled as he was obviously trying to avoid any discomfort between us, I didn’t feel anywhere near the same as the emptiness of this house- not at all. I felt extremely occupied. I found what kept me busy enough to distract me from the lack of warmth that came with his absence.
Throughout this week, my mind revolved around different thoughts about certain different things. For starters, I couldn’t stop thinking about last week’s night. It was a night that was empty of sleep. During thunderstorms, I never actually could force my eyes to shut down and just relax my body. I never could succumb to the heaviness of my eyelids and just get lost in my dreams, for my fear of the night always outweighs my need to give in to the calm.
Even though Adam’s presence next to me on the couch was surprisingly soothing to both my heart and my mind, I was swimming in a sea of guilt. Not only did he lay there next to me as he offered me comforting words from a time to the other, but he also refused my plea for him to go to sleep. Tire was evident in his drooping eyelids, yet whenever I’d tell him, “Adam, I’m all good now. Please, just go sleep; you really look tired”, any ounce of sleep that was evident in his eyes would instantly disappear as he’d eye me promisingly. “For the eleventh time, I don’t want to sleep. I won’t leave you alone, Evangeline. Lexi told me that during these nights of your panic attacks you won’t sleep unless the thunder goes away and the sun rises. I won’t sleep until you do. Just forget it.”
When the thunder left for good, and the sun rose three hours later that night, I lied on my bed awake. Although my body kept begging me to go to sleep, I became aware of what happened, and since I was back in control of my body, I couldn’t help but recall everything that happened downstairs.
Heat crawled up to my cheeks as the image of how I clutched onto his arm like a baby, when he was about to leave, appeared in my mind. Excited butterflies danced in my stomach at the memory of when he kept caressing my quivering hand tenderly. My heart warmed up at how much it’s evident that he cares about me, and I couldn’t help thinking how Adrien was never like that with me. We might’ve held hands, and he might’ve gently rubbed my hands before,
