“You took on another man’s child?”
“Rake was mine. From the get-go, I told her that. If she was pregnant, I was the child’s father. No question and she was too emotional to think straight and, to be honest, I did railroad her. Probably would’ve been wise to wait and see if she really was pregnant but I didn’t want to.”
A new respect rose for his father. “So it was true then, Rake was someone else’s child?”
“No, as it turned out. She wasn’t expecting but that didn’t matter. Before too long she was and Rake was born, then you followed and that was it.”
Ethan shook his head. “I don’t get it then. Mari told me that Rake overheard you and Mom fighting about him not being your son.”
The pain clouded his eyes. “That’d be my fault. I can’t hold in the anger sometimes and once, and only once, I threw that in her face.” He slapped his cap on his leg, looking disgusted. “I only ever did it the one time but it was enough to upset your mom so much I never did it again. I felt like the biggest bag of trash you’ve ever seen. She didn’t deserve it.”
“So he was definitely your child?”
“Of course he was. Do the math, Ethan.” Jeff turned and sat on the porch step. “Your mother puts up with a lot from me. Always has but she keeps telling me that I came forward when she needed me so there’s no way she’d walk away from me when I couldn’t control my black moments.”
His father suffered from depression? How did he not know about that? All kinds of remorse ran through his mind. The dark moods, the evading people and spending time alone in the orchard. It made sense now he knew. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped, Dad.”
Jeff smiled. “You did, Son. Just being who you are helped me. It still does. I’m gutted that I didn’t know what Rake overheard. I could’ve set his mind at rest. I’ll never be able to get those years back. That makes me sadder than ever.”
“You have a grandson, Dad. I think I blew my chances there but there’s always hope for you. Get Mom to take you over one day and meet Noah. He’s a great kid and keeps asking why you haven’t been to see him. I’m sure Mari would love you to get involved with him.”
“That’s something else I’ll take the blame for. I should never have said that to you. I’m not proud of what I’ve done, the trouble I’ve caused you. And I don’t expect you to forgive me either but some days I find it hard to stop my mouth running off.”
Ethan moved down and sat beside his father. “You messed up. No doubt about it but everyone makes mistakes.” He looked out at the night, his mind working fast. “If I’d been half the man you are, I never would have asked her if Noah was mine, no matter what you said to get me thinking otherwise.”
“But if I hadn’t said it, would you’ve given it any thought?”
“Maybe. I’ve looked at him and wondered if it were possible.” He reached down and pulled on a piece of grass, shredded it between his fingers as the guilt nipped at his heels. “Rake gave her something I couldn’t because I was too damned stubborn to talk to her and it kills me to admit that I’m jealous of a dead man. And because I was the reason she left. If I’d been true to myself and not acted like an idiot, she never would’ve gone.” He leaned into his father, feeling a connection that had been missing for so long.
“And I was the one that chased them both away. You weren’t totally to blame. I have a lot to answer for. I’m sorry, Ethan.”
“Yeah, you do, Dad. But we all make mistakes. Rake chose his own life and there wasn’t anything we could do about it.” They both looked up as Pearl walked down the drive toward them.
“Son, please keep this to yourself. I’ll talk to your mom later when it’s just the two of us. Don’t want to go embarrassing her more than necessary by telling her you know about it.”
“Sure, Dad.” Anything to keep the peace. “But I think you have some bridges to mend with Mari, don’t you?”
“Not sure she’ll want to see me, Son.” He cleared his throat. “But I don’t want to risk her going again, taking the grandson I never knew I had. Guess I’m just going to have to suck it up and go ask forgiveness so I can get to know the young man.”
Ethan threw away the grass, watched it flutter to the ground. “You know she’s been trying to get in touch with you? Have you checked your cell lately?”
Jeff looked away, embarrassed.
“Caused me no end of grief ignoring her, Dad. I suggest you make the effort.”
“Are you going to go see her, Son?”
This family had caused her nothing but trouble. Would she even want to see him again after what he’d done to her? He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. “I’m going to have to do some soul searching before I do. If I do. We’ve caused her more grief than she should have to deal with.”
“It’s my fault. Let me go and see her, make things right first. Then you can decide what you want to do and do it with a clean slate.”
“I have the feeling it’s already too late, Dad. I should’ve fought for her when she kicked me out but I didn’t. I feel as though I’ve failed her again doubting the reason she came home.”
*
Mari was cleaning the apartment when there was a knock on the door. “Come in.” She turned off the vacuum and
