Jeff stepped through the door and her heart all but stopped.
“What do you want, Jeff? If you’re here to have another go at me, forget it.”
He walked in and stood with the door open. “No. I’ve come to apologize. That’s if you’ll listen, of course. Don’t blame you if you don’t want to bother. I know I’ve done nothing to make you want to hear what I have to say.”
Mari looked at him, not understanding why he was being so apologetic for the first time ever toward her. “Fine, but the first raised word from you and I’m calling up Keith.” She indicated the couch. “Have a seat.”
“No thanks. I’d rather stand.” He stepped in further and closed the door. “This is between us and not for the ears of others, if you don’t mind.”
“Okay.” She pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down and waited for him to talk, hoping this wasn’t going to be more than she was ready for.
“I hear Ethan asked what kind of access you’ll let him have with Noah if you two don’t make a go of it together. I have to admit to putting that idea of custody in his head. Wrong of me and I have no good reason for doing it except for what happened to me.” He went on to tell her the story he’d told Ethan a couple of days earlier, highlighting the fact that in his opinion, genetics didn’t always make a parent. “I’d appreciate it if you could keep that to yourself. Don’t want to go embarrassing Pearl.”
Confusion raced through her head. “But, why didn’t you tell Rake this? Why leave it and let him believe he wasn’t your child?”
“I didn’t know he’d heard me or I would’ve. There was never any question of the boy being mine. But the fact of the matter is, even if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t change the way I felt about him. I was so proud of that kid. He was so determined to succeed. Made up for all that I lacked.”
“And that’s why you pushed him so hard? To live your life through him.” The old pain started to resurface.
Jeff shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t push him. Didn’t need to. The boy pushed himself more than anyone I know. Overdid it if you ask me but he wouldn’t listen to anyone. He had a drive that would make most men quiver in their boots. If I’d known he overheard me I would’ve understood, but Pearl and me, we thought it was just his hormones kicking in, you know? Once he hit sixteen or seventeen, he’d changed. Got moody and didn’t talk so much anymore, much like I was as a teenager. Thought it was normal.”
“That’s when he heard you fighting.” She swallowed. So much pain over something so stupid. “My God, such senseless loss.”
“Yeah. It is. And I don’t want the same to happen between you and Ethan. He’s a good man, Mari. He deserves to be happy.”
“That’s between me and Ethan.” How on earth was she going to fix that?
She’d hurt him. Run out on him once, kicked him out when he asked the question which, as she’d thought since it’d happened, he had every right to ask. It wasn’t as though she gave him any reason to believe everything she did and said to him. Not after leaving without a word. It was probably too late now. Oh, the twisted webs they wove.
“Tell me, why were you so hard on me then if you didn’t want my mother? You made my life hell back then and I thought it was because she chose someone else.”
“You mother was never for me. I wasn’t exciting enough and I certainly wasn’t into drugs in those days.” He held up his hand when she tried to protest. “Not that your father was either but he had more money than I did. Guess that made him more appealing.”
“Maybe.” But something still bothered her.
“There was never anything between your mom and me. It was all a ploy to try and make me help her when she needed money, is all.”
“So why treat me the way you did then? I’d done nothing to you.”
He gazed into her eyes. “I reacted badly, I know that. But because you were so much better than she was, I guess I was worried you’d go down the same path being as you’re her daughter. That’s why, when Pearl said you needed someone, I suggested we take you in. You were bright and caring. Your future was just waiting for you to find it. And then you left. Not that I blamed you. I lashed out and I’m sorry.”
“How could you believe I’d steal from you after everything you did for me?”
He looked down at his hands, his shoulders hunched in defeat. “I don’t know. I have no excuse. It was a bad night for me. Fighting with Rake put me on edge I guess and you copped the backlash when you shouldn’t have. Not that it’s a good excuse, just the way it happened.”
He glanced at her, hope in his eyes. “I regret that night like you wouldn’t believe. Having you both leave near killed us. No word of where or why. Pearl and I were gutted when first you disappeared and then Rake. We had to wonder where we’d gone wrong.”
“You never did anything wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth. But I’m not like my mother. I hated her for what she did to me and my father. You and Pearl treated me better than she ever did. Even the days when you gave me a hard time, showed me some tough loving when I needed it, you showed me more respect than she ever had.”
Quick tears sprang in his eyes and he dashed them away. She might as well tell him now since he was putting his heart on the table. One issue dealt with,
